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Mara Palermo | Attachment Coach

@marapalermo

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For women who lose themselves when love feels uncertain
Stop chasing. Start choosing
🎙️Host-The Unchased Life Podcast
1:1 Coaching + Free Quiz ↓

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The truth is: the smartest women stay the longest.

I’m saying the quiet part out loud because somebody needs to, and I’d rather it be me.

You’re really good at figuring things out, and sometimes that’s exactly why you stay longer than you should.

You read the book. You do the work. You find the answer.

And then you meet something that doesn’t respond to effort.

So you work harder.

You learn his attachment style. You learn yours. You figure out why he pulls away, what happened to him at seven years old, which text tone gets a response and which one doesn’t.

You become an expert on him and call it healing.

It’s the same self-abandonment wearing better vocabulary.

Every hour you spend decoding him is an hour you have power and spend it on someone who isn’t spending it on you.

I know because I’ve been there.

I spent years behind a salon chair listening to women talk about their relationships, heartbreak, self-doubt, and all the ways they kept losing themselves.

And the whole time, I was doing it too.

I “knew better.” I was working on myself. And I still watched my relationship anxiety play out in scenarios I could have predicted.

Eventually I stopped dating altogether. I thought it was because I couldn’t trust them.

In reality, I couldn’t trust me.

So I stopped collecting insight and learned how to work with the pattern while it was actually happening.

That became the foundation of The Unchased Method: interrupting the pattern while it’s happening, not understanding it three days later.

I see this with my private clients too.

One client I’ll call her Sarah was caught in that familiar hot-and-cold, push-pull dynamic. But she started recognizing the pattern in real time. Instead of reaching for the phone or jumping the second he came back, she could pause and choose differently.

Eventually she realized, I don’t have to keep participating in this.

That’s the breakthrough.

I’m not telling you to leave him.

I’m telling you to notice who you become when he goes quiet.

Because you were never chasing him.

You were chasing relief.

And relief is not the same thing as being chosen. ✨ by @marapalermo

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2 months ago

I tell my clients this story all the time because I think we need the reminder.

And before the bird experts come for me, we may need to fact-check the exact albatross timeline 😂 but you get the gist.

Sometimes being single long enough will have you wondering if you’re asking for too much. You start questioning your standards and considering things you probably wouldn’t have considered before simply because, well… it’s been a minute.

And listen, there’s a difference between having standards and having a checklist no human being could ever live up to.

But wanting a relationship that actually feels right to you isn’t being too picky.

Being alone isn’t a reason to start negotiating yourself out of what you know you want.

So until the dance feels right…

keep flying, girl. 😂😘

#anxiousattachment #attachmentstyle #datingadvice #relationshipcoach by @marapalermo

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2 months ago

P.S. Before you can break the pattern, you have to know what it is.

Comment QUIZ and I’ll send you my 4-minute attachment quiz to help you see the pattern that’s been running your relationships and your life. ⬇️

#anxiousattachment #attachmentstyle #selfabandonment #datingadviceforwomen #healthyrelationships by @marapalermo

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2 months ago

I started a Substack. ✨

The Unchased Life is where I’m going deeper on the conversations I care about most: love, relationships, overthinking, self-trust, boundaries, nervous-system patterns, and why we still lose ourselves sometimes even when we know better.

You can read along with or listen to The Unchased Life podcast there too. 🎧

And to celebrate the launch, Annual is $77 through Monday night before it goes to $100.

Join Annual or The Unchased Room before the deadline and Be the WELLthy Woman: 21 Days to Build Your Wellth From Within is included free. ✨

Come read. Lurk. Listen. Or come all the way in.

Link in bio + Stories. by @marapalermo

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12 days ago

There are things I can look back on now and think, how did I not see that?

The relationship I stayed in too long.
The version of myself I kept abandoning.
The signs I ignored.
The choices I made because I didn’t know yet what I know now.

But I refuse to use today’s wisdom to punish yesterday’s version of me.

She was learning.

And some lessons only become obvious once you’ve lived long enough to see the pattern clearly.

The goal isn’t to shame yourself for who you were.

It’s to decide what you’re no longer willing to carry forward.

That’s the energy behind WELLthy Woman, my 21-day experience for the woman who knows she’s ready to let some shit go and become someone different on the other side of it.

Maybe this is your season to stop asking, “Why did I do that?”

And start asking:

“What do I know now and what am I going to do with it?” ✨ by @marapalermo

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13 days ago

There’s a difference between wanting love and making love the center of your entire life.

I know how easy it is to make finding him, keeping him, understanding him, getting the text, getting the reassurance the thing your whole nervous system starts organizing around.

And somewhere in there… you disappear.

I’m not interested in teaching women how to stop wanting partnership.

I’m interested in helping women build a life they actually enjoy living before, during, and outside of a relationship.

Take yourself out.
Build something.
Make money.
Get dressed for you.
Travel.
Create.
Laugh.
Become someone whose own company feels good.

Because love is beautiful.

But it should be an addition to your life not the thing that finally gives you one.

Stop chasing a life. Start becoming someone you love living it with.

The Unchased Life ✨ by @marapalermo

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14 days ago

What if the thing you’re terrified to lose was never yours to control in the first place?

A relationship, money, an opportunity, even the version of you everyone approves of can become something you grip too tightly when fear takes over.

That’s when the overthinking starts.
The chasing.
The self-abandonment.

But real power looks different.

It looks like becoming the woman who can stay with herself even when nothing outside of her feels guaranteed.

That’s where freedom starts.

That’s where self-trust gets built.

And that’s where you stop chasing anything that requires you to lose yourself just to keep it.

Regulate. Reclaim. Rewire.
The Unchased Method™ ✨ by @marapalermo

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15 days ago

Who knew cleaning could be this fun? 😂
Invited my parents over to help me clean my apartment and accidentally had a one-hour dance party instead.
Productive? Debatable. Fun? Absolutely. 😂❤️ by @marapalermo

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15 days ago

You can know the door needs to stay closed and still miss what was on the other side of it.

Healing doesn’t mean you never look back.
It doesn’t mean you never miss them.
It doesn’t mean a memory can’t still hit you out of nowhere.

Sometimes you look back and still know:

I’m not going back.

And maybe that’s the difference. ❤️ by @marapalermo

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16 days ago

Hot take: “If they wanted to, they would” is lazy advice.

It ignores all human complexity and puts the entire burden of decoding their behavior on you.

A secure person doesn’t solve puzzles. They see inconsistency as a clear signal to protect their own peace. Stop being a detective. Start being unavailable for confusion.

#datingtips #anxiousattachmentstyle #secureattachment #relationshipadvice #selfworth by @marapalermo

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2 months ago

Sometimes closure isn’t a conversation. It’s the quiet realization that you don’t need one anymore.

You chase closure thinking it’s a final chapter you’re owed, but the person who created the chaos can’t be the source of your peace.

The real closure is protecting your own energy. It’s choosing yourself without needing them to understand, explain, apologize, or finally see your side.

Sometimes moving on looks a lot less dramatic than we think.

Sometimes it looks like this.
Laughing. Living. Getting yourself back.

Send this to the friend who needs to stop waiting for one more conversation. 🤍

#anxiousattachment #attachmentstyle #datingadvice #relationshipcoach by @marapalermo

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2 months ago

1. Wake up and do one thing before you check your phone. Anything.
2. Eat something warm within the first hour of being awake.
3. Step outside once a day, even if it’s just standing there for 2 minutes.
4. Clean one surface you can see from where you sit most often.
5. Write out the full story of the breakup one time only. No editing.
6. Put anything that pulls you into spiraling somewhere you can’t reach easily.
7. Sit in silence for 5 minutes and notice where your body feels tight.
8. Take a shower slower than usual. No rushing, no distractions.
9. Get dressed like you might leave the house, even if you don’t.
10. Do one small task you’ve been putting off and stop when the timer ends.
11. Spend 24 hours not checking what they’re doing or who they’re with.
12. Write down what didn’t feel safe or consistent in the relationship.

Breakups don’t just hurt your heart. They dysregulate your nervous system.
So instead of “moving on,” start with grounding yourself.

Pick 2–3 from this list and do them today. That’s enough.

If you’re ready to break old cycles and build secure love, comment READY and I’ll send my free quiz to get started.

#relationshipadviceforwomen #ConsciousRelationships #attachmentstyles by @marapalermo

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2 months ago