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Marcus Fielding

@marcusmaxedofficial

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Life at 50 | chronic illness + AuDHD
FND, chronic pain, psychology & what actually helps
Real life. Evidence. No hype.

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Depression isn’t weakness. It’s your body demanding truth.

So many of us confuse depression with sadness. But sadness passes—grief softens with time. Depression? It roots itself deeper. It demands that we stop.

Jim Carrey once said, “Depression is your body saying: I don’t want to be this character anymore.”
That’s not poetry. That’s a psychological truth.

Your nervous system isn’t broken—it’s overwhelmed by pretending.
Pretending you’re fine. Pretending you’re strong. Pretending you don’t need help.

“Deep rest.”
That’s what depression is asking for.
A rest from the roles, the masks, the people-pleasing, the quiet suffering.
Your body wants a truce. A moment of honesty. A breath.

If you’re feeling this right now—you’re not alone.
You’re not crazy.
You’re just exhausted from being everything to everyone.

Let this be a sign: you deserve to come back to yourself.
Slowly. Gently. Fully.
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth
#DepressionAwareness
#YouAreNotAlone
#ItsOkayToNotBeOkay
#MentalHealthMatters
#EndTheStigma
#DeepRest
#HealingJourney
#MentalHealthSupport
#DepressionHelp
#MentalHealthWarrior
#TraumaHealing
#SpeakYourMind
#SelfCare
#hopeforthehurting by @marcusmaxedofficial

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6

a year ago

“Shame can’t survive being seen.”

That line from Annalie Howling @annaliehowling has stayed with me. Because for so many of us, shame isn’t just an emotion — it’s an inheritance. A silent weight we’ve carried since childhood.

It’s the fear that if we speak our truth, we’ll be rejected. If we’re vulnerable, we’ll be judged. If we show up fully, we’ll somehow be too much… or not enough.

Gabor Maté @gabormatemd often says that shame is a survival response — a way to stay connected in environments where authenticity felt unsafe. And healing it isn’t about “getting over it” — it’s about gently turning toward it. With presence. With compassion.

I’m only just beginning to understand the ways shame has shaped me: in illness, in relationships, in how I see myself. But I know one thing…

It starts with speaking. It starts with being seen.

This is a space where I’ll be sharing more on that. If you’ve felt shame in your body, your health, your past — you’re not alone. And maybe together, we can unlearn it.

#ShameHealing #EmotionalRecovery #GaborMateWisdom #AnnalieHowling #VulnerabilityIsStrength #TraumaHealing #ChronicIllnessJourney #SeenAndHeard #SelfCompassion #HealingTogether #InnerWork #mentalhealth #trauma #selflove #healingjourney #marcusmaxedofficial taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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a year ago

The thing is, you don’t want to be left alone.

You just want to be loved.

You want someone to feel you, really feel you — not fix you, not judge you, not disappear when it gets heavy.

When you’re in so much pain,
when your body won’t shut up,
when your mind is screaming,

…and then you’re sat in darkness, alone —

all you want
is not to be alone.

That’s not weakness.
That’s the most human thing in the world. #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #depression #chronicpain #selfcare #healingjourney #marcusmaxedofficial #selflove #fibromyalgia #mentalhealthmatters taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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5

a year ago

Most people think trauma is what happened to you.

I’m not sure it is.

I think trauma is what happens inside you after the event.

The beliefs you never chose.

The fear that quietly takes over.

The person you slowly stop allowing yourself to be.

One second changed my life.

The fall wasn’t the hardest part.

The hardest part was believing my life had ended because of it.

I’m slowly learning that healing isn’t about becoming who you were before.

It’s about discovering who you are when the fear no longer gets to decide.

Maybe the thing that shattered you…

is also introducing you to someone you’ve never met before.

Have you ever stopped to ask whether your biggest wound has also shaped your greatest strength?

Save this for the day you need reminding.#marcusmaxedofficial #healingjourney #chronicpain #mentalhealth #selflove taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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2 months ago

There was a point where I genuinely believed my life had ended.

Not because I wanted to stop living…
Because I couldn’t imagine life ever feeling different.

Chronic pain.
Depression.
Losing my health.
Losing parts of who I thought I was.

For a long time I thought surviving meant I’d already lost.

I’m slowly learning they’re not the same thing.

Sometimes surviving is the beginning.

Not because everything suddenly gets better.

Because somewhere underneath everything that’s happened… the person you thought you’d lost is still there.

If you’re in that place today, I hope this reminds you of one thing.

This chapter isn’t proof your story is over.

It might just be the chapter where you discover who you become next.

— Marcus #marcusmaxedofficial #healingjourney #mentalhealthawareness #chronicpain #invisibleillness taken in Ireland (country) by @marcusmaxedofficial

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1

2 months ago

I’ve realised something over the last few years.

The people who’ve changed my life the most were never the ones who had all the answers.

They were the ones who asked questions I’d never thought to ask myself.

Not questions that made me feel guilty.

Questions that made me curious.

“What if you’re not broken?”

“What if your body is trying to protect you?”

“Who are you trying so hard to prove yourself to?”

One good question has the power to challenge years of assumptions.

Sometimes we’re not stuck because we don’t have the answer.

We’re stuck because we’ve been asking the wrong question.

So here’s one I’ll leave with you…

What’s one belief about yourself you’ve never stopped to question? #healingjourney #selfcare #mentalhealthawareness #life taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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3 months ago

I don’t know why, but this question’s been going round my head ever since I left the barbers.

When did looking after ourselves become something we have to deserve?

It’s strange really.

Most of us would tell a friend to slow down, get some rest, or take a bit of time for themselves.

Yet when it’s us… there’s always another job to do first.

I’m as guilty of that as anyone.

Maybe that’s why something as simple as getting a haircut ended up meaning a bit more than I expected today.

Anyway… that’s what’s been rattling around in my head.

Hope everyone’s surviving this ridiculous heat! 😂☀️. #MarcusMaxed
#SelfCare
#Wellbeing
#HealingJourney
#neurodiversity taken in Newmarket, Suffolk, United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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11

3 months ago

People think I’m doing alright.

What they don’t see is the shaking.
The constant noise in my head.
The pain that doesn’t stop… it just changes level.

They don’t see how hard it is just to sit here and hold a conversation.
Or how much energy it takes to look “normal”.

FND. Chronic pain. Fibromyalgia. Chronic fatigue.
Autism. ADHD. Hormone imbalance. Depression.

It’s not one thing.
It’s everything, all at once.

My body doesn’t feel safe.
My nervous system is constantly on edge.
There’s no real switch off.

And yeah… sometimes that comes out as bluntness.
Short answers.
Pulling away from people.

Not because I don’t care.
Because I’m overloaded.

There’s also anger.
A lot of it.

Not loud, explosive anger.
Something quieter.
More constant.

Rage that this is what life looks like now.
Rage at how hard everything is.
Rage at systems that don’t help.
Rage at feeling trapped in a body that won’t cooperate.

But I’m still here.

Still showing up.
Still trying to find some kind of purpose in all of this.

This isn’t me thriving.

This is me coping.

And if you’re living like this too…
you’ll understand exactly what I mean. #chronicillness
#invisibleillness
#chronicpain
#fibromyalgia
#mentalhealthawareness taken in Newmarket, Suffolk, United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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6 months ago

I recently watched Invisible, a documentary by Nick Demos about living with fibromyalgia.

What stayed with me wasn’t a solution or a breakthrough, but visibility. When you live with an invisible illness, being understood is rare. This film helped my partner and family understand what fibromyalgia can actually look like day to day, especially when you look fine on the outside.

Fibromyalgia isn’t something people recover from. It’s something people learn to live with. Making it visible matters.

Thank you to Nick and everyone involved for helping bring awareness to a condition that is so often misunderstood.

#fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #chronicpain #chronicillness #fibromyalgiaawareness

https://www.primevideo.com/detail/Invisible/0HGMFIBWHFLFFJBYW7684F5R91

Thank You to @thenickdemos taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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8 months ago

When a flare hits, it’s not just pain.

With fibromyalgia and FND, the body can go into overload. The pain is everywhere, even the skin. Breathing becomes irregular. Speech doesn’t flow properly. Tremors and jerks come and go. Focus drops and vision can blur.

At the same time, tinnitus can spike. Sound feels too loud. Too sharp. Too much. The senses overreact to everything.

It’s the nervous system in overdrive.

It’s frightening when it happens.

And it’s something many people live with every day. #mentalhealth #chronicillnessawareness #healingjourney #youarenotalone taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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8 months ago

I’ll talk more about the medical side soon.
The conditions. The names. The explanations.

But before that, this matters too.

Living with chronic illness isn’t always visible.
A lot of it looks like this.

Quiet moments.
Fewer words.
Letting the nervous system settle. #chronicillness
#invisibleillness
#nervoussystemhealing
#mentalhealth
#livedexperience taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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8 months ago

Yesterday I had a medical appointment, i felt understood if only for an hour!

What people often don’t see is everything around it — the energy it takes, the build-up, and the recovery afterwards.

What stood out most wasn’t the appointment itself, but being met with genuine understanding.

For the first time, I sat with someone who truly understood chronic pain, fibromyalgia, FND, tinnitus, chronic fatigue, and depression — and how these conditions affect everyday life.

There was no pressure, no pushing through pain, no need to prove anything. Just calm, professional care.

This level of understanding shouldn’t be rare.
But for many people, it still is. #healingjourney
#chronicpainwarrior
#invisibleillness
#mentalhealth
#healing taken in United Kingdom by @marcusmaxedofficial

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8 months ago