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Mary Irene ⭐️🪻

@maryymclean

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John 8:36 | It is better to be alone with God
@clemsontridelta | @clemson_nursing

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To know my dad was truly to love him. He never let me (or anyone) escape a conversation, a Braves game, listening to the Grateful Dead, a round of disc golf, or any good time (but don’t worry… if it wasn’t already a “good” time, my dad would make sure it would turn into one). The most captivating, passionate, loving person.
Dad, I am forever thankful for your unwavering embodiment of resilience that you showed our family as you fought so tirelessly throughout these last 4 months & I’m so grateful for the 18 years I got to spend with you by my side beginning to learn how to do life. I am proud to be yours & I miss your hugs. You have my heart forever, I love you always.
-Bear

“We are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord”
2 Corinthians 5:8
6.13.25🤍 by @maryymclean

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a year ago

One year since my dad reached his eternal resting place.

It’s hard to not feel guilty for not hugging him tighter when I left the house that day, for not saying I love you one extra time, and for not thanking him for all that he had done for me. We had no idea. “This wasn’t supposed to happen” was something many of us said, though we know in the Lord’s timing, it was. I still go back and forth, wondering if it was a mercy that I didn’t know it was our last goodbye.

I search for him in every moment, talk about him too much for some, and yet, selfishly, it’s still not enough for myself.

Every day feels like the drives home from Clemson the first few months after you had passed- where I had so much excitement to come home because it felt like I was about to walk in the door and you would somehow be there, meeting me at the door with a hug. It’s a difficult reality to come to terms with. The reality that I will never be able to do anything with you ever again is one I have yet to be able to fully accept.

Praise God that there is hope in the Resurrection. God’s graces are the sole reason that I have been able to survive. Being drawn closer to the Lord has drawn me closer to my dad, drawn me to pray with greater hope for my dad and to entrust his soul to God’s merciful gifts. And for that, I am eternally thankful.

The duality of grief as a Christian is a complex, beautiful thing. It is hard to reconcile that my dad was doing well, and so close to finishing treatment, with the knowledge that this was part of the Lord’s plan for him. I am still learning to rest in that, trusting in a beauty I cannot yet fully see.

Hug your people a little tighter, tell them you love them and say it extra loud, and tell people how much you appreciate them!!!

You have my heart forever, I love you always.

(And thank goodness the Braves are doing much better this season) by @maryymclean

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a month ago

Quick trip to one of my favorite places 🤗 by @maryymclean

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2 months ago

What a week!!! 🐬🤗🤍 by @maryymclean

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4 months ago

Another weekend of formal!!! 🤗💛 by @maryymclean

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5 months ago

Well that was fun!!! Thanks NOLA!⚜️💛 by @maryymclean

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5 months ago

by @maryymclean

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7 months ago

I 💗 LA so matcha 😚😉😆

#makinginstagramcasualagain taken in Cha Cha Matcha by @maryymclean

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7 months ago

Another 13th, and now 6 months have passed since I hugged my dad for the last time.

Going into my first semester of college less than 2 months after my dad passed away has taught me an uncountable amount of things. I moved in before I honestly realized and accepted what my life would be like.

There have been times people asked if my parents were coming for certain events and I would say “Yes” and smile, doing my best to end the conversation there. My heart would ache and I would not have the courage to say anything different.

There have been times I see someone wearing a Grateful Dead shirt (which happens more often that I thought), and I have to hold myself back from talking about my dad too much.

There have been days and nights where I have searched to be alone just so I could listen to my dad’s voicemails, read our texts and search for photos I haven’t seen before.

There have been countless times where I have prayed someone would bring my dad up just so I could share a certain memory. And there have been countless times where I have tried to pretend none of this is real and that I’m not affected by it.

But most importantly.
Grief has been a blessing in the way that it has deepened my friendship with the Lord. I am constantly reminded that Jesus wept first. Jesus sits with me in my moments of courage, in my weeping, in my silence. He embraces me in His steadfast love continually and He delights in the opportunity to support me. Praise be to God that He will always listen to me talk about my dad. I have the opportunity to pray for my dad’s soul and entrust his care to the most powerful and loving God. And that is what matters the most.

I love and miss him more and more every day. Grief is constantly difficult, but I will eternally thank God that there is hope. by @maryymclean

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7 months ago

Semi & a Clemson win!!! 👏🧁✨ by @maryymclean

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8 months ago

Nash bash archive (but posted it a month later lol) by @maryymclean

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8 months ago

by @maryymclean

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9 months ago