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Sophie Kaemmerlé | Dating Coach & Matchmaker

@matchedbysophie

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It’s time I introduced myself 👋 Hit the link in my bio for your FREE Discovery Call! by @matchedbysophie

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6 months ago

Mainstream dating advice was not created by and for accomplished people of color.

Because mainstream dating advice doesn’t take into account race and colorism and how people of color are judged before they can speak.

It doesn’t take into account the violence they experience and the precautions they have to take.

Mainstream dating advice doesn’t ask questions about someone’s racial preferences.

Mainstream dating advice doesn’t take into account the desirability hierarchy or a shrinking dating pool for accomplished people of color.

Mainstream dating advice doesn’t take into account structural factors that create uneven power dynamics in interracial relationships.

Mainstream dating advice doesn’t take into account how family and community participate in shaping preferences and relationships for BIPOC and the tension that can create.

It doesn’t take into account how believing that you are “too much” is racialized when it doesn’t feel like it.

Mainstream dating advice doesn’t take into account how internalized messaging fundamentally change how people see themselves and how they show up.

Raise your hand if mainstream dating advice never worked for you.

#datingadvice #datingcoach #moderndating #matchmaker #bipocmentalhealth by @matchedbysophie

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a month ago

Sat on this one for a bit because I didn’t want to spoil the surprise…here’s the day I went to the @voxmedia and @nymag offices for the photo shoot for their cover story (out today!) and yes I knew this would be anonymous but you can never be too prepared @stag_henhair ❤️ and @early.yves ILY! taken in New York, New York by @matchedbysophie

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5 months ago

#justiceforkocoum

There’s a lot of explain here so filling in some gaps. TLDR white men are preferred by most women across races. Why? Protection, proximity to power, and who is centered in the media we consume. Take Disney’s Pocahontas (and Pocahontas 2). John Smith and John Rolfe, two white male protagonists across the two movies. Kocoum - who mind you wasn’t wrong about a thing - is portrayed as a secondary character and paranoid and undesirable.

This is messaging we learn early, and can at least partially explain why we’re attracted to who we’re attracted to.

Asian women are most desired across men of all races except for Asian men. This is exoticism and fetishization coded in the numbers.

Should I do a video on that next?

#attraction #disneypocahontas #history #dating by @matchedbysophie

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3 days ago

Comment DISCOVERY to book a time with me!

Wanted to clear up some confusion about what boutique matchmaking actually is.

I recently spoke to someone who wanted me to be a “headhunter” for her dating life.

That’s not how I do business.

To find the right candidates, it’s essential that I get to know a client. It’s essential that I understand what makes them tick. I’m not just a recruiter. I’m a researcher, a strategist, a coach, and a mirror on top of being a recruiter.

So what does working with me look like?

The first step is a free Discovery Call. It’s a 20-minute introduction and insight into the services I offer.

If you’re a good matchmaking fit, you’ll be invited to a 2 to 3 hour consultation. This is where we establish trust. This is also how I build custom packages, which are based on what I believe will best help you. More often than not, I offer 3 versions of the package so each client can choose what they are most comfortable with.

Then, we get to work on matching you and getting to know each other ✨

Matchmaking is very much like dating. You build on the relationship for better results!

#datingcoach #moderndating #matchmaking #matchmaker #dating101 by @matchedbysophie

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5 days ago

Comment ASIAN for the mixer link! #singlesmixer #newyorkevents #singlesevents by @matchedbysophie

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10 days ago

Do you find Erling Haaland more attractive now than at the beginning of the World Cup? by @matchedbysophie

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15 days ago

I hear it all the time from high-achieving female clients: their ambition and success has cost them a fulfilling relationship. They would have a partner by now, they would have children by now if they only learned to hold their tongue or not brag so much or even not make as much money.

That’s probably true. But you got here for a reason, and that reason is worth both examining and celebrating.

A lot of women fall into the Palatability Trap because of how they think about gender. Traits are culturally gendered, not inherently gendered.

And once we remove the gendered aspect of certain traits like ambition and independence, those traits become less of a liability. They become a filter.

I’ll never lie and say that being yourself will make your partner suddenly appear, or that the dating landscape doesn’t change according to the level of your ambition.

But helping you give yourself permission to express the communion traits that have “lacked” can open new doors.

#highachievingwomen #datingadviceforwomen #moderndating #datingtruths #successfulwomen by @matchedbysophie

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17 days ago

In my experience, there are two kinds of ambitious women. The women who unapologetically embrace their successes and want to them to be noticed both in the workplace and in dating, and the women who are wildly successful but shrink to limit the threat to a man sitting in front of them.

Do you know how to recognize the signs that you’re shrinking to fit a social ideal, rather than being seen in full? The same tactics I ask women to deploy on dates are the same I use for matchmaking and when vetting quality candidates for high-achieving women. And it’s about taking someone’s behavior at face value and identifying early if that person will dim your light.

The truth is that high-achieving women, particularly high-achieving women of color are one of the fastest growing demographics, which means that the pool of qualified men is shrinking. And that’s an excellent reason to choose matchmaking as a way to refine and target the search.

#highachievingwomen #matchmaking #datingadviceforwomen #moderndating #successfulwomen by @matchedbysophie

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19 days ago

I’ve got Usha on my mind and yes I will be elaborating further.

Read the latest in the link in my bio.

#dating #substack #opinion #politics #relationships by @matchedbysophie

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23 days ago

THE SELF RESPECT GAP

If you think you don’t fall into this trap, think again. Most of my female clients do. Why? Because it’s structural. Girls are raised to place other people’s personal needs above their own. And when they grow up and start dating, they have the same mindset.

Rejection becomes personal. Bad behavior is something she can fix. A man who treats her badly can change.

And when that is modeled by the women around her, of course she develops a self-respect gap.

These are narratives that surround us in rom coms and songs. The women always suffer, tolerate, and endeavor.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. I’m teaching women to close the self-respect gap.

And let me tell you, when they see it - the difference between how they are at work and how they are in their relationships - they it’s like a lightbulb goes off in their minds. Suddenly their standards are clearer. They’re more confident. They tolerate less.

And that can be you too.

#datingadviceforwomen #highachievingwomen #nycdating #singleinnyc datingcoach by @matchedbysophie

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a month ago

🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷

For real though this one matters. BIPOC exceptionalism exists in dating just as much as it exists in sports. And I bet you’ve experienced it.

Read my latest in the link in my bio.

#substack #worldcup2026 #datingadvice #bipoc by @matchedbysophie

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a month ago