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@millliepalmer

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24/09/2024

Trying to fit 2 years of grief into 2,200 characters is difficult. I don’t think there will ever be words that explain what this has felt like. I’ve always felt guilty that I never spoke at your funeral. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the words or strength at the time. I’ve carried that with me for two years, and I think this is my way of finally saying what I never got to say.

Two years might sound short to some, but these have been the toughest two years of my life. I’ve found it difficult to speak openly about losing you. I think about you and miss you every day.

There are so many things I miss, but especially your humour. We had the exact same sense of humour, and I know that’s where I get mine from. I miss laughing with you, making stupid jokes, and sharing little moments only we would find funny. I see so much of you in myself, and I’m grateful for that.

I’ve kept as much of my grief to myself as possible, trying to get through the days without letting people see how much I’ve struggled. But I’m finally ready to speak about it more openly. Not because it hurts any less, but because you deserve to be spoken about, remembered, and loved out loud. And I deserve to be honest about how much losing you has affected me.

Grief is in the little moments. Moments where I’ve broken down in someone’s arms, finding comfort in the middle of something that has often felt impossible to carry.

I find myself often wishing I could have just one more conversation, have one more ordinary day with you and especially, hugged you more. I wish I could tell you everything that’s happened, hear your voice, and know what you’d say. And in a few days, it will be your birthday. Another date I dread. If I’m being honest, part of me just wishes I could get these days over and done with, because they’re so difficult to sit through without you. It’s hard knowing they’ll come around every year without you here. I wish I could just get past them and feel a little peace, but they’ll always remind me how much I miss you dad.

I love and miss you more than words will ever say. Two years without you, and a lifetime of loving you. 🤍🪽 by @millliepalmer

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