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ADHD Mom + Trauma Coach

@miranda.m.wise

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Speaker & cert. coach supporting self compassion, radical prioritization & peace in chaos.
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What is trauma? Life coach @miranda.m.wise shares an insightful definition as we unpack the bestseller The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

In this NEW Book Insights podcast episode we discuss the adverse effects of early childhood trauma as well as other traumatic events, and how the entire body’s health can be affected.

Watch the full episode on YouTube or listen on any podcast platform. Check the Link in bio to listen now.

#TheBodyKeepsTheScore #BodyKeepsTheScore #Trauma #acesmatter #ACE #traumahealing #traumarecovery #traumainformed #therapy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #PTSD #ptsdawareness #ptsdrecovery by @miranda.m.wise

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5 years ago

It doesn't matter what kind of thing you're trying to do, be it work for your job, personal tasks, or having a conversation, it will likely be an unpleasant, uphill battle to keep going as if you're completely fine if you're feeling more & more triggered, activated, irritated, dysregulated, etc. by the minute.

Is it impossible to make some kind of dent in what you're trying to do from this place? Not necessarily.

But will you be as effective or productive trying to muscle through in a state like this? Unlikely.

And that may be super disappointing, especially if there's a sense of urgency & desire to get the thing done. However, remaining in denial of your feelings & needs will probably bite you in the butt. Take it from someone who’s made this mistake a million times. 😅

Taking a break to regulate as soon as you realize you're in this place is ideal. As well as continuing to become more & more aware of yourself in the moment. It’s a form of working smarter, not harder. 💙

#windowoftolerance #traumainformedcare #traumaawareness #traumaresponse #complexptsd #complextrauma #alignedproductivity #radicalprioritization #gentleproductivity #burnoutprevention #burnoutrecovery intentionality #consciousdecisions #consciouschoice #consciouschoices #consciousawareness #selfhonesty #selfawarenessjourney #selfdiscoveryjourney #selfinquiry taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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Longer than expected (by you or others).

Longer than it takes other people.

Longer than you think it takes other people.

Longer than you want it to (though that can definitely be super frustrating & disappointing).

No matter where “longer” comes from, your pace/process in and of itself is not the problem. Things are always happening in a context with other factors. Some factors we can control more than others.

The time it actually takes you to get something done may not be how long you’d like it to be, and it may result in outcomes you want to avoid, but that still doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. 💙

When you’re feeling bad about yourself, it’s an opportunity to practice self compassion. How would you talk to a friend who feels bad about how long things are taking them?

#selfforgiveness #selfcompassionjourney #radicalselfacceptance #selfacceptancejourney #radicalacceptance #selfleadership #innercritic #shamefree #selfesteembuilding #adhdsupport #adhdprobs #adhdstruggles #adhdlife #executivefunction #executivefunctioning #executivedysfunction taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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5 years ago

If you're wondering "what's wrong with me?!" b/c you're struggling, keep reading.

First of all, no matter what, I don't believe anything is "wrong with you" because that's not a thing as far as I'm concerned.

Disclaimer: This post, and all of my content, are NOT diagnostic tools or medical advice.

I invite you to explore this Q if you’re struggling & wondering why:

If someone else gave you a label, what are you hoping would happen next? Solutions to your challenges? Validation? Enough confidence to use a label to self-identify? A community of people who get you? All of the above? Something else?

The path to getting what you want begins w/ *clarity* on what it is you *ultimately* want.

It can be easy to believe/assume you have to do X to get to Y, when really X was just your first idea and you haven't really identified what Y is. This concept goes WAY beyond labels. I've wasted so much time & money chasing after various ultimately unnecessary Xs, believing I would get Y, when Y wasn't even what it was really about for me… I just hadn’t taken the time to consider that or figure it out.

So, what do you really want? And what are some ways to get there? What would be the easiest path?

I am not trying to talk anyone out of pursuing a diagnosis. That may be the easiest path for some, and it might open doors of support that would otherwise remain closed. If that’s your situation, I hope you’re able to pursue that. And if a formal diagnosis ended up changing the game for you, hooray! Please also remember that getting a formal diagnosis is privilege not accessible to everyone.

#adhdtrauma #adhdtraumatized #adhddiagnosis #rejectionsensitivedysphoria #neurodiversewomen #adultchildren #acoa #adultchildrenofalcoholics #childhoodtrauma #traumaresponse #highlysensitive #highlysensitivepeople #complexptsd #complextrauma taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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I know people mean well; they want to help. But the thing is, ADHD is not a choice.

One way ADHD has been defined is the *inability* to direct focus, rather than as the name suggests, a "deficit" of attention (aka focus.)

I've heard it called (and I wish I could credit them, but I can't remember where I heard this) "a brain with a Ferrari engine and tricycle brakes."

I personally feel like it's an overwhelming rapid flood of thoughts and ideas that all seem important & slippery to get a handle on. I walk through life managing that, every day. Some moments (and days) are harder than others.

Magically breaking out of hyperfocus, and/or directing attention to exactly the "right" thing in any given moment is just not necessarily gonna happen. So that "advice" of "just don't space out" isn't do-able.

Sure, intentional focus can happen and does happen. But just because it can & does happen *sometimes*, is not a guarantee that it will *all* the time, or at *any* given time.

We have limits, and we don't choose them. Believe ADHDers when we tell you what those limits are. We know our individual selves better than anyone else does.

Attention will be messy. It will be imperfect. There will be some regrets. This is why I am so big on self compassion for ADHDers. Because no matter how much we want it, perfection isn’t on the table.

What’s more helpful is how to handle when spacing out happens (since it will):

You can say, "I didn't catch that, would you please repeat it?"

And when you know you can't be present, take some space and re-visit whatever it is when it’s a better time.

#cantfocus #hyperfocus #rejectionsensitivedysphoria #adhdhumor #adhdmeme #adhdquotes #hyperfocused #adhdinwomen #neurodivergentmemes #neurodiversitymemes #adhdentertainment #adhdmemes #adhdmum #adhdmom #adhdmoms taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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If you have ADHD now, and ADHD is a neurotype, that means you had it as a child.

Have you looked back at your child self and seen a little person affected by ADHD? What did they need to hear to feel seen, safe, and accepted as they are?
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Your "inner child" is the part(s) of you that have been around since childhood. The child-version of yourself didn't disappear; they grew up into you now. So your inner child is you in a literal sense, but it's not all that you are. In an even more literal sense, it's old neural networks in your brain (so old, they've been there since childhood).
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A lot of thoughts and experiences have likely happened since childhood. Your inner child may not be completely caught up. Especially if you've repressed or suppressed parts of your emotional world.
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Your cerebral adult self may have learned about the concept of self compassion, but that doesn't automatically mean your inner child has felt it. Education is different from integration.
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A powerful way to bridge the gap is to talk directly to your inner child. This can be done out loud, via journaling, through thoughts, or any way that works for you. I hope the quotes on the graphic are a helpful starting point. 💙
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What message feels good for your inner child to hear?
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#innerchildwork #innerchildcomingout #innerchildlove #youngerself #adultchildren #highlysensitive #highlysensitivepeople #reparenting #adhdinnerchild #adhdreparenting #adhdwomen #adhdcommunity #adhdadult #adultadhd #selfcompassionjourney #selfleadership #gabormate taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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5 years ago

And by "magic" I mean, life reclamation. It starts with self discovery so you can design your life who you really are. That will help you be able to more clearly see what really works for you.
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It may be easier said than done. The world is largely designed for linear systems that aren't necessarily a good fit, yet they're often our default. I invite you to question linear defaults within yourself.
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In order to find my flow in every aspect of my life, I've given many things a chance. That's how I've found what works for me. And that's what I want for you too!
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Here are some things you can try for a few months, along with brief daily journaling about how your energy waxed & waned:
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⏰ Logging your time
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🌗 Track the phases of the moon (and maybe other astrological events, if that speaks to you)
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🩸 Track the phases of you menstrual cycle, if you have one
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It's easy to suddenly realize you're exhausted or starving, but it actually happens gradually, whether you were paying attention or not. Energy changes slowly; never turning on a dime. Things take time to unfold & cycle back around. 💙
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#mindsetcoachingforwomen #mindsetcoachforwomen #productivitycoach #timemanagementcoach #lifereclaimedcoaching #innercriticbegone #alignedproductivity #innercriticcoach #selfdiscoverycoach #selfcompassioncoaching #consciouscreator #consciouscreation #consciousnesscreatesreality #manifestinglove #manifestinggreatness #manifestingmydreams #manifestingyourdreams #manifestingqueen #adhdquotes #neurodivergentwitch #neurodiversewomen #neurodivergentcreative #neurodiverseartists #selftrust #selfhonesty #selfcompassionjourney #selfacceptancejourney #selfleadership #selfdiscoveryjourney #selfinquiry taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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5 years ago

If you're on my page, you probably know the hell that is wanting desperately to get things done, but having an extremely hard time actually doing things. The Procrastination Hell Prison, as I call it.
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Everything we do comes down to feelings & energy, whether we can see or admit it or not. This grab bag system embraces that fact and uses it to our advantage to best align our mood and/or circumstances to getting some things done so we feel better.
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The grab bag approach can take the place of an ideal to do list that may have worked for us in different seasons of life, or that we simply wish would be realistic.
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A grab bag can be used as a warm-up for the day (in lieu of doing the hardest thing first for people who that doesn't work for).
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Or you could make a grab bag to use for the energy or time available after you've done the hardest thing.
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Time themed grab bags (over 2 hrs, under 30 min., etc.) can be really useful if it makes more sense to you, or you want to be more mindful about how you spend little pockets of time that crop up.
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Grab bags can even be used to group other kinds of ideas that go with certain circumstances, like fast snacks.
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Have you made a grab bag before? Do you have any ideas for ones you'd like to make?
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#selfcareis #selfcareposts #selfcareideas #selfcaretime #selfcarepost #selfcareadvice #momsupport #formom #maternalmentalhealth #intentionalmotherhood #enneagram7 #doneisbetterthanperfect #lifereclamationcoach #alignedproductivity #radicalprioritization #gentleproductivity #addcoach #stopprocrastinating #burnoutprevention #burnoutrecovery #consciousdecisions #consciouschoice #consciouschoices #consciousawareness #inspiredaction #timemanagementtips #timemanagementskills #productivityhacks #productivityhabits #productivitytools taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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5 years ago

Disclaimer: This is a post about maintenance – not digging out of a whole-house-has-been-messy-for-months/years situation. And examples are examples – if you have 5 kids all the laundry in one day would never be the plan/suggestion (I hope!).
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So many chore chart suggestions *look* like an attractive plan for the week. They can be like a siren call that our wildest fantasies of ease are possible, yet low-key piss us off because we know we are not going to be consistently (or ever) executing that kind of perfection.
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Repeating tasks can be super annoying if you think of your to do list as *only* linear. Because then when they inevitably crop back up, it feels like an infuriating game of whack-a-mole.
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The mindset shift of embracing some tasks as cycles can help. Then you can feel like you've "accomplished" them so you can go back peacefully ignoring them.
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Being behind on repeating tasks is overwhelming & disheartening. It feels like there's no freedom to have those beloved empty days where anything is possible. Hence the love/hate with routines. Not only do routines feel like being boxed in; there's also confusion about what happens when it gets thrown off.
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Having flexible rhythms helps us relax & know things are taken care of. Things like travel or major life events will still throw it off & that's okay. You can adjust the rhythms when those things happen. Or when you can, plan for them when you see them coming.
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What rhythms work for you?
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#adhdwomen #adhdwoman #adhdmum #adhdmom #adhdmoms #adhdinwomen #adhdbrain #adhdexplained #adhdisreal #attentiondeficitdisorder #attentiondeficithyperactivitydisorder #adhdlifehacks #cantfocus #hyperfocus #adhdcoaching #adhdcoach #adhdtips #adhdsupport #adhdhelp #adhdsolutions #adhdinspiration #adhdsymptoms #adhdinfo #adhdtools #livingwithadhd #adhdgirls #adhdhacks #adhdcommunity #adhdstrong #adhdgirl taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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5 years ago

A physical boundary in organizing is where you choose a space (or a few spaces) for a certain kind of item, and decide that you will not own any more items of that kind than will fit there.

It might sound hardcore, but it works really well if your *priority* is no clutter.

Physical boundary examples:
💙 All books must fit in the bookshelves
💙 All coats must fit on the hanging rod in the coat closet
💙 All kitchen appliances must fit in the kitchen

The maintenance boundary that accompanies physical boundaries is the "one in, one out" rule. That means, for example, that if you get a new pair of shoes, you get rid of your least worn/favorite pair.

Other maintenance boundary examples:
💙 I will only spend 2 hours per week tidying (if priority = time, not tidiness. both are valid!)
💙 Before I get ready for bed, I will clean the kitchen

Long ago when I was first learning about Feng Shui, I came across this principle of active and passive chaos. The idea was that when we're in creative process, we often make a mess. That is Active Chaos. But afterwards if we don't tidy it, it becomes stale w/ no more chi flow, and that's Passive Chaos.

The question becomes: *when* do you want to tidy Passive Chaos? What maintenance boundaries fit your priorities and clutter tolerance?

#declutteryourhome #cleartheclutter #declutteringmylife #declutterchallenge #declutterlikeamother #declutteringtips #organizinghacks #organizingexpert #organizingmylife #homeorganizing #virtualorganizing #virtualorganizer #organizingcoach #chronicdisorganization #minimalism #minimalismlife #minimalistas #minimalistmom #minimalismwithkids #boundariesarehealthy #boundariesarebeautiful #clutterfreeliving #sacredspaces #fengshuilifestyle #fengshuitips #fengshuiliving #clutterfreewithkids #clutterbug #cluttered #clutterfreelife taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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Maybe it doesn’t make sense to you to chose between putting clirty clothes (clothes you've worn briefly) away w/ clean clothes, or in the hamper.

Maybe your daily tolerance for prioritizing laundry tasks runs out before 100% of the laundry is done.

Maybe Whateverday of the week can't *always* be laundry day because there's too much variance in what the day's priority is.

Maybe the payoff of spending the time to fold clothes every single time you do laundry isn't worth it since you can rummage for 3 seconds and find what you need.

But also, maybe not.

🌟 Organizing systems only need to change if they're legitimately not working for you and your household. 🌟

There is a difference between not being able to keep track of or find things, and judging a system as "bad" because of what other people have said, or some other expectation of how things "should" look or be.

It's not a problem unless it's a problem; your system only needs to work for you. It doesn't matter what people who aren't affected (may) think.

Systems are about the HOW. Prioritizing is about the WHAT. If you're not clear & at peace with WHAT matters most, even the most perfect HOW will not necessarily feel better.

Sometimes what needs to change isn't the system, but how we manage the disappointment that there will always be things we need to do.

#adhdparenting #adhdparents #adhdparent #adhdfamily #adhdkids #adhdkid #adhdchild #executivefunction #executivefunctioning #executivedysfunction #neurodivergentmemes #neurodiversitymemes #adhdmeme #adhdentertainment #adhdmemes #adhdtribe #adhdprobs #adhdstruggles #adhdlife #executivefunctions #executivefunctioningskills #neurodiverse #adhdhumor #neurodiversesquad #neurodivergence #virtualorganizing #virtualorganizer #organizingcoach #executivefunctionskills #executivefunctioncoach taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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If someone is keeping a large volume of items of dubious value, it is very likely that behavior makes sense within the context of their past experiences, beliefs, and fears. Even before Hoarding Disorder was added to the DSM, there was a generally understood distinction between that, and people who had what was judged (by others or themselves) as "too much" or "a lot" of stuff.
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Much of the time in my experience, someone who is actually hoarding does not call it that due to immense shame (and sometimes denial). Yet people who do not hoard are who I hear throw the word "hoarder" around casually about themselves or others. But this is not new for diagnosable conditions... people do it with OCD & ADD too.
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Fear & anxiety are feelings we ALL have. Everyone needs, wants, and keeps things around them that make them feel safe. And sometimes trying to create inner safety takes away outer safety. 💙
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#hoarding #hoardingproblems #hoardingdisorder #hoardingcleanup #hoardinghelp #hoardingissues #hoardingburiedalive #hoardingawareness #cptsdawareness #cptsdrecovery #cptsdsurvivor #complexptsd #complextrauma #cptsdwarrior #cptsdwarriors #healingfromtrauma #posttraumaticgrowth #youngerself #traumainformedcare #traumaawareness #intergenerationaltrauma
#generationaltrauma #cyclebreakers #cyclebreaker #breakingthecycle #developmentaltrauma #childhoodtrauma #traumaresponse #attachmentissues #innerchildwork taken in Madison, Wisconsin by @miranda.m.wise

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