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MonicaRainbow FirePhoenix

@monica3isme

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🌈🔥🐲🐉 ***RAINBOW FIRE PHOENIX***🌈 Rainbow-infused,🚀space🛸fiery🔥feathered🪶unicorn🦄 🐲🐉 🧜🏼‍♀️ 🌊 Healer*Dancer*Model*Singer*Actress*Stylist

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I want my last attempt to be 03/09/2020. 🙏🏼

I’ve had people fish pills out of my mouth, pull me off a bridge, catch me with a belt loop around my neck in a closet.
I wasn’t meant to leave then.
I’m supposed to be here.

My near-death experience 2.5 years ago gave me the chance to stay in the light with our Creator, but I chose to come back.
Chose to live.
Chose to keep walking Earthside with all of you, no matter how heavy the path has been.

Two years ago today was the last time I felt the weight of such deep, unshakable suicidal ideation.
I truly didn’t think I was going to make it through.
In my desperation, I reached out to the women I thought were my friends, my “sisterhood” at the time.
I thought they were a safe place to run to in my grief.

I was wrong. Not only were they not a safe space, they rejected and abandoned me in that moment.

🌈That made the day even harder to survive.

But there were a couple of sisters who did reach out, who did hold space, and that mattered deeply.
I even drove to the house of a friend who had told me I could come by anytime.
I had a feeling she was home, but she didn’t answer the door. Found out just the other night she was in fact home!
I sat outside her house in my car and cried.

By grace, I reached out to another sister in that moment who held me that night.
And when I went back home, where I was still living with my ex, it surprised me that he too was able to hold space for me, because he knew the role he had played in my grief and just as confused as me why these ladies were acting this way towards me.
I have so much respect to my ex for staying with me that evening.

What I’ve learned since is this: a lot of people want to be there for the sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows.
But not everyone can sit with you in the cocoon, in the shadows, in the storm that actually births the light.
That’s where discernment comes in.
Sometimes you don’t realize who can or can’t hold you until you’re already in the fire. by @monica3isme

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a year ago

🤩New hair!!! by @monica3isme

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4 years ago

Little recap from my set at @medicineforthepeoplegathering!!!

Thank you @guy_brown_mftp for always including me for this special event! Big thanks for @monica3isme, @waterwealthgoddess, and @sayl0rm0on for gracing the stage with me!!! The full mix will be available to stream soon!!!

Thank you @ineedspaceman for capturing the moments!

@aether_lighting on visuals and lasers!! by @monica3isme

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10 days ago

🔥🌈Medicine for the People 🌈🔥

We are gathering. Next week!!!

A space to breathe, to heal, to remember who we are … sound, spirit, and community held together in one circle, in unity, and remembrance.

This event will include a women's only campsite, designed so anyone can feel safe coming to rest, camp, and be held … especially if you're coming solo.
You don't need to know anyone here.
You just need to show up.

If you've been craving connection, healing, and a little bit of magic … this is your invitation.

📍 Reach out for details for the femme campsite… we'd love to have you join us. 🙌🏼🌹

LoveIsOurMedicine.com by @monica3isme

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a month ago

For my birthday, I wanted to go visit the Waters. 💧🌹

So a group of my favorite siSTARs and I headed to the Blue Hole, the headwaters of the San Antonio River.

This place is part of a Sacred Edwards Aquifer that has been almost completely dried up over the years as agriculture and groundwater diversion have taken their toll.

And so we went with our hearts open.

We brought flowers.
We brought Sacred Water.
We brought our prayers.

We offered them to the Waters and spent some time simply being there… remembering our relationship with this living, Sacred element that sustains us all. 💧

And then the day unfolded into one of those birthday days that you wish you could bottle up and keep forever.

We went to a beautiful park for a picnic and, much to my surprise, my siSTARs started singing to me while playing in the water. 🌹

Then, of course, we all ended up fully IN the water, totally wet. 😂💦

Playing. Laughing. Soaking up the sunshine. Being silly.

Because apparently even a Water Priestess celebrating her birthday with a Water Blessing Ceremony still needs to get fully in and PLAY. 🐸💙

From there we made our way to the Riverwalk, letting the day continue to unfold.

Sacred ceremony.
Sisterhood.
Water.
Flowers.
Prayer.
Laughter.
Play.

This was the best day I’ve had in a long time.

I’m feeling so grateful for another trip around the Sun and for the beautiful women who came to celebrate life with me.

And especially grateful that I get to spend my life remembering that the Waters are not simply something we drink.

The Waters are something we are in relationship with.
With Divine Love,
Aiylah
💧🌹

#SacredWaters #WaterBlessing #BlueHole #SanAntonioRiver #WaterIsLife by @monica3isme

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a month ago

Today is National Suicide Prevention Day, and I'm not staying quiet about it.

I'm still here to tell my story!!!

I've had pills fished out of my mouth.
I've been pulled off a bridge.
I've been found in a closet, mid-attempt.
My last attempt was March 2020.
In August 2023, I broke the pattern.
I stared that demon straight in the face, after losing people who mattered deeply to me, and I chose different.

Three years later, I'm still here.
Do I still get suicidal thoughts sometimes? Yes.
I've learned that's a normal human emotion.
What matters is what you do with it.
I don't act on it anymore.
I sit with it, I reach out, I remember why I'm still here.

I'm grateful.
Grateful for the people who caught me, literally. Grateful for every ordinary morning I almost didn't get.
Grateful for how much I love this life now, beautiful, chaotic, messy and hard as it still gets sometimes.

If you're in the thick of it right now: it can change.
I'm proof.
Don’t give up; your story is not over yet!
This tattoo originated from the semi colon project. When an author uses a semi colon; it means the story isn’t over. An arrow indicates to propel forward, sometimes you gotta be pulled back. And love the life you love, love the life you live. by @monica3isme

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a month ago

Just saying my thoughts out loud.
💖💖💖
When you really stop and think about how much love, how much joy is in your life, it’s overwhelming sometimes.
Like, truly stop and think about all the connections you have with people.
It’s so heartwarming. Feeling it deep in your heart.

Maybe it’s just me because I’m such a deep feeler, but it’s so comforting. I remember not being able to connect to that feeling many times in the past, and how easy it is now to do so. How many joyous, beautiful moments I’ve had in my life where I can just travel back in my mind and think about them, and how absolutely incredibly joyous they were.
So many super special moments in my life.
So many, so many, way too many to count.
I tried to start adding them all up, it just gets even more overwhelming.
My cup overflows.
My cup overflows with love.
It’s such a beautiful feeling to BE. 🙌🏼🌈🌹🪽

It breaks my heart sometimes to connect with the past version of myself, but also to let her know how to connect to that love.
She didn’t believe she was worthy of love.

I’ve just been in so much reflection.
How beautiful this human experience is, in all the ways.
How we get to choose.
How beautifully we can create the reality we’d like to see, surrounded by as much love as we can imagine, from all avenues.
Living in community with family and friends.
Living with the land.
Growing in human interaction and authenticity, where we meet the edges of discomfort and learn, evolve, grow together as humanity, pure and intentional. With all the natural given gifts from Mother Earth, Father Sky.

So today, I just want to say thank you. 🙏🏼
Thank you to every soul who has ever crossed my path and left a piece of love behind. 💝
Thank you to the version of me who kept choosing to open her heart again, even when it was terrifying.
Thank you for the joy, the growth, the messy beautiful becoming. 🙌🏼

My cup overflows, and I get to keep pouring it out into this world. 🌹🌈❤️‍🔥🐦‍🔥🪽

That’s the medicine.
That’s the magic.
That’s just… being human, and choosing love, over and over again.

#WitchyWisdom #MedicineWoman #SpiritualAwakening #HealingJourney #SisterhoodofLight by @monica3isme

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a month ago

by @monica3isme

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a month ago

I saw mean girl energy today. From a grown woman 20+ my age. Old enough to know better, claiming a path of love and evolution.

A mistake was made. A human mistake, made by a human. And instead of a conversation, there was a group exit and a block. Instead of repair, there was punishment. Instead of grace, there was judgment dressed up as boundaries.

Here’s what I know: I am not perfect. I will make mistakes. If your love for me is conditional on my perfection, it was never love … it was a performance review.

And when I named it, when I spoke the truth of what I saw, I got the same treatment.
The energy turned around on me. Suddenly I was the problem for pointing at the problem.
That’s not accountability. That’s a room protecting its comfort instead of its integrity.

I keep waiting for the day women stop doing this to each other. When we can sit across from someone we’re disappointed in and actually talk.
When “I’m working on myself” includes how we treat the people who annoy, disappoint, or hurt us … not just how we breathe in a meditation.

You don’t get to claim you’re here to evolve humanity while excluding humans for being human.
And you don’t get to call someone unloving for telling the truth.

I’d rather walk away from rooms like that than pretend they’re safe. And I’ll keep saying so … especially in spaces that call themselves conscious. by @monica3isme

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2 months ago

The things we take for granted.

I couldn’t handle these steps very well the past few days! by @monica3isme

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2 months ago

Setback? Nah… comeback in progress. 👑

This girl right here is learning that healing isn’t linear, and that’s okay.
Some days it’s the neck that responds first.
Some days the lower back needs a little more convincing.
Some days it’s the brain, the words, and social settings that I push through.
And that’s not failure, that’s just the body telling its own story, on its own timeline.

I used to think grace was something you gave other people.
Turns out the hardest place to practice it is with yourself, mid-recovery, strapped into a machine, showing up anyway.

So here’s to the slow wins.
The “little bit better” days.
The ones where you don’t bounce back overnight but you keep choosing to come back, to the table, to the work, to trusting your body again.

Comeback queen energy isn’t about being unbothered. It’s about being unbroken in spirit even when the body’s still catching up. 💫

This phoenix is rising from the ashes, not because the fire didn’t burn, but because I know how to be reborn from it.
Wings still a little singed, feathers not fully grown back in yet, but rising all the same. 🔥🐦‍🔥

I’ve burned down and built back before.
Over and over and over and over again!!!
This is just another turn of the cycle, and every phoenix knows the rising is never instant.
It’s feathers first, then flight. 🪶

So I’ll keep showing up to the ashes and calling them sacred.
Keep trusting that this body, this healing, this becoming, it’s all part of the magic I’m writing in real time.

Rising. Always rising. 🙌🏼🌈🔥🐦‍🔥❤️‍🔥👑🌹

#RecoveryJourney #ComebackQueen #ListenToYourBody #HealingIsNotLinear #GraceOverGrind by @monica3isme

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2 months ago

In honor of Dolly Parton, and the most popular childhood joke of my time… by @monica3isme

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2 months ago