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@mrexpsd

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This is a post about dogs, but bear with me. I came across some clips from “Pimp My Ride” yesterday & it reminded me of how terrible everyone involved in that show was lol Imagine being selected, you’re excited because FINALLY the dents on the side are about to be fixed & you’re about to get some new brakes and an oil change but instead, because you like chicken, they put an air fryer in your glove compartment lol As crazy as that sounds, it’s not as insane as the BBQ grill COFFIN they actually put in the back of someone’s car. Yes, you read that right, a COFFIN that is a BBQ grill. That show was such a scam lol I’m almost as disappointed as I was when I moved to this country & I found out that Ru Paul’s Drag Race had nothing to do with cars 🙃

But yes, back to the matter at hand lol it’s been a while since I got these dogs. I’ve always loved animals, I’ve had my cats for a long time & I’ve had pets before that but now I feel like I’ve been dragged into the “animal community” & it is interesting to say the least. “Animal” people are hilarious because you’ll bond over your love of animals and then they’ll assume that you also kiss your dog on the mouth … no. I’ve seen them eat their own shit, we can give that a miss. Then you have the “he’s just a dog he doesn’t know any better” people & I can’t relate to that either lol these motherfuckers definitely know better & I will remind them lol

I’ve had the dogs (& cats) on a raw complete diet for the last few months & I couldn’t be happier with the results. Not only does their shit now not smell like they’ve been eating actual shit nuggets, they’re a lot healthier, a lot more energetic & their coats are brilliant. I’m very cautious about how I feed them, I was very conscious about Labradors & how a lot of them that I come across are fat & I didn’t want that for mine. Wait, can I say that? Is it fat shaming? My cats got a little tubby a few years ago & I’ve been correcting that ever since 😅 this is not an advert for anything lol I’m just happy with the results. by @mrexpsd

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a year ago

Not only did I swerve to avoid running over someone’s dog this morning, I also found out that the Dominos pizza tracker is a scam. I think the part that annoyed me the most is that I seem to be the only person that didn’t fucking know that when they tell that your pizza is cooking, it’s all a lie. As for the mutt that nearly killed me this morning, If my dogs hadn’t escaped a few weeks ago & travelled a mile or 2, I’d have something to say to the owner about being responsible but you know what they say about people that live in glass houses! (Don’t walk around naked 🌚)

I’ve not really posted as much as I’d like over the last few months, partly because the more time I spend on here, the more I’m tempted to post like the old me and I don’t really have the energy to explain why I still find it hilarious that Diddy broke into Kid Cudi’s house & unwrapped his family’s Christmas presents. I also have no idea what to post anymore, who the hell wants to see me clean Duckingham Palace or hand pollinate 40 different tomato plants with an electric toothbrush?

But yes, I’ve had fun learning how to grow different things over the last year & I’m proud of the yield, a lot of effort was putting into the tomatoes & cucumbers, & we had so many we couldn’t give them away fast enough 😅 next year the selection will be more diverse! by @mrexpsd

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a year ago

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks! Life has been beating me like a runaway slave, but the marathon continues. I’ve never really understood what that means but the quotes must get quoted. I’m enjoying the great weather almost as much as the plants are. I’m definitely getting the hang of this growing thing & I’ll have it mastered by next season. There was a lot of trial & error this time around but I don’t think we did too badly at all. We don’t have to buy cucumbers for a long time I’ll tell you that much 😂 Happy Friday 🚀 by @mrexpsd

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a year ago

I put this off for too long but I finally got myself on the back of a tractor & I cleared up the back field. Now it’s time to get the fences up & get the animals home!

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#smallholding #homestead #countryliving #countrylife #growyourown #selfsufficiency #farming #smallholdinguk #tractor by @mrexpsd

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a year ago

This was a couple days after clearing the back field. I decided to christen it. Not because I had to, because I could.

You might see a nuisance, rightfully lol I see freedom.

This was one of the reasons I got into this. More freedom. Having more control over what I eat, how I live, and the environment my family grows in.

This is peace.

And sometimes… it’s anti social behaviour 😅

What does freedom look like to you? by @mrexpsd

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a year ago

It’s been a long few weeks & I won’t lie to you, I’m tired 😅 Some days I hurt in places I didn’t even know I had places. It has not been in vain though, things may be moving slowly, but they’re moving. I vowed to do as much of the work here myself. My back & knees wish I hadn’t said that lol

Hopped on a tractor & FINALLY cleared the back field. Turning that unkempt bit of field into usable space has been satisfying! It went from Epping forest to a space worth building on. A lot has been going on in the background & I have promised myself 30 days of posting on my insta grid so you guys will be seeing quite a bit of it. I accidentally locked myself out of my Patreon for a bit but that will still be my main area where I’ll be posting. I’ve been filming a lot of YouTube style content which I’m excited to share. I’ve said it a million times over the last few months but I’ll say it again, consistent content creators deserve all the praise lol this shit is HARD. I have to be reminded mid project that I’m supposed to be documenting it all sometimes 😂

But yes, this is a proof of life post 😅 I’m here! Between the back pain, mud, the tools, and realising you measured wrong again, I’m pushing through. Every day there’s something else to fix, lift, build or dig up. But for all the chaos, i am satisfied. by @mrexpsd

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a year ago

This week has been exhausting & it’s only Wednesday. I feel like Dame Dash. The internet is one of the worst things to happen to some of the people we grew up looking up to. If you told me 20 years ago that Dame & Juelz Santana would be estranged from their teeth, I would’ve laughed in your face. How some of you can kiss your dog on the mouth knowing that it tongue fucks its own arse is beyond me. Breath hotter than your 37 year old aspiring-rapper boyfriend’s mixtape. (Then again, some of you brush your teeth & wash your hair in the kitchen sink, forget I said anything.) I lose my mind when they even try to lick me, there’s dog shit in my garden right NOW with teeth marks in it. Between my cats & dogs, I want to fight everyday. They have me feeling like these hot head kids on the roads. I can’t lie, I’m even afraid to write about this new gen. They will pull a knife on me today that can slice through hopes & dreams & be out of jail by Easter ready to finish me off screaming “big up Kier Starmer” on their track that’s number 3 on the BBC charts. Back in my day being an adult was enough for them to leave you alone, now all you hear is “excuse me big man” before they tear you out of your pant in front of your work mates. Speaking of kids, I realised I’m too childish to be a parent, they say crazy shit all day & I’m NOT supposed to say pause? Come on! It’s my first proper week on Patreon & I want to thank everyone that has subscribed & supported my work. If you haven’t, the link is in my bio. If you’re having a bad day, take comfort in knowing that you’re not a black man with light coloured contact lenses in your eyes, looking like a fucking husky. If that’s not enough, it could be worse, one of Diddy’s lawyers, a man that represented Osama Bin Laden’s team that participated in 911, just quit on him. Make of that what you will ✌🏿 by @mrexpsd

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2 years ago

“Apart” & “A part” mean different things. I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but I hope you’re listening. It’s one of a few things that annoy me almost as much as virtue signalling. Everything is love & body positivity until you get caught cheating with a ‘plus size’ woman then it’s “go text your fat b*tch” - I’m just checking the temperature, are we still getting cancelled for jokes? 🌚

We made it to 2025 but instead of flying cars, Elon Musk is president & almost everyone over 30 somehow has ADHD now & it’s their excuse for everything. Who knew I’d be watching so many of my age mates doing unboxing videos of their mental illnesses on TikTok.

It’s almost a year since I took a step back from podcasting & a question I got a lot while i was away is “what are you doing next?” - After the abusive relationship I had with my restaurant, the short answer is “I have no f-ing idea”.

I got carried away with Clarkson’s farm & ended up with 14 acres that I’m turning into a homestead 😅 I’m obsessed with the idea of growing & raising as much of my food as possible.

This is very left of field, but if you’ve known me long enough, that wouldn’t surprise you because I have the risk appetite of a homosexual in the 80s before ARVs.

If you haven’t blocked me after that last joke & are interested in my blog or maybe you are illiterate & just want to see my day to day in picture & video as I build the homestead & tend to the bees, chickens, sheep, pigs & alpacas, subscribe to my Patreon. I did think about getting goats but then some said “if you want to meet all of your neighbours, get goats” & that put things into perspective lol I have a hard time keeping the dogs in 😅 Patreon subscribers also get first listen of my podcast when it goes live!

I really wish I had a Valentine’s Day joke to throw in here, but I don’t, so I’m just going to leave the ladies with a question that I ask on here every few years - How many times do you have to catch him cheating with the same girl before you realise that it’s you he’s cheating with?

Someone saw the PATREON link in my bio & asked if times were hard - YES. Have you seen the f-ing price of EGGS? by @mrexpsd

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2 years ago

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. This isn’t one of those “if you see me less I’m doing more” kind of posts, it’s the “life has been beating me like a runaway slave & now that I’ve survived it by the skin of my teeth, I’m back” kind. As Socrates once said, “the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed”. I took a gamble on something that I really believed in & everything that could’ve gone wrong, packed its suitcases, hopped into Business Class & really went WRONG. I lost it all & I got a Masters Degree in Pain & Suffering from the University of Fire & Brimstone. As far as “battle tested” goes, my mental health has been pushed so far that I’m lucky to still be here. You remember when we were kids & they would ask what animal we considered ourselves to be? COCKROACH would be my answer today. If you’ve ever tried to get rid of a cockroach, you understand. I’ve learned a lot in the last 12-18 months & I’m grateful for it. As cliche as this is, you really do see who your people are when the world is burning around you. (I sometimes like to sound like a Batman villain) When you’re not of value to people anymore, things change very quickly & phone calls just don’t get answered as much & people laugh at your misfortune. As miserable as this has been, this is not a “woe is me” post. I promise. Life has its ups & downs, we win some & we lose some. I’ve had some beautiful wins as well as some diabolical losses, it’s part of the game. Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m at home with my cats & dogs, waiting for my chickens & alpacas, I’m already on my way up! Speaking of cockroaches, when I moved to Australia, I went to step on one & IT SPREAD IT’S WINGS & FLEW. I almost came back to the UK that very same day. by @mrexpsd

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2 years ago

I usually have a profound & well written caption that Edgar Allen Poe himself would be jealous of, but today I’m keeping it very simple. 2023 took me to places hotter than a woman’s morning shower! I lost money, I ruined business relationships, I lost family, I lost friends but worst of all, I lost MYSELF. I forgot who I was, my confidence took the biggest hit & I let a lot of people take advantage. AS OF RIGHT NOW WE BACK BABY. I will not only be insufferable but I will be despicable all year long. 2024 will be the most disrespectful year to date. I have every intention of being the best & the worst version of myself. There’s no half stepping, you’re either with me or I’m going straight through you. The biggest lesson I learned in 2023 is that a lot of your calls don’t get answered when you don’t have a swimming pool anymore 🤷🏿‍♂️ taken in Dubai, United Arab Emirates by @mrexpsd

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3 years ago

I can’t believe it, my little brother is 18. Wow. From wiping his piss off the floor with the towel I used on my face to having a driver’s license, time really does fly. I’m super proud of him, he’s a better man than I was at his age & if he continues on the path he’s on, he’ll be a better man than I could ever be. Watching your siblings outdo you in every possible way is amazing. I would never usually tell him this but he only turns 18 once so he gets a pass today. He’s a super talented performer & music director with a long career ahead of him. A lot of you have watched him grow on this page. He was about 16 when he wrote the song in the last clip I posted. I couldn’t ask for a better little brother. Love you @kani_kool ❤️ 🎈 🎂 by @mrexpsd

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3 years ago

My cat walked into the bathroom & licked the back of my knee while I was taking a pee & I feel proper violated. That might not sound like much to those of you that kiss your dogs on the mouth after they’ve tongue f***ed their buttholes. That sentence is all over the place but you know what I mean. (Correction, I was taking a P*SS, can’t call it pee when it smells like Hennessy & depression.)

A friend of mine pointed out that I’ve been particularly mean this week. (I think I felt bad about it, could’ve been trapped wind though 🤔) I let life get the best of me & I’ve taken it out on some of the people around me & that’s wrong. If I was the apologising type, I might, but I’m not, so I’ll just stop being a c*nt instead.

Apparently I’ve been behaving like Eddie Brock in Spider-Man when he begged God to kill Peter Parker. Do you know how angry you have to be to wish death on someone over a minimum wage job at the Croydon Advertiser?

I think we feel worse than we should at times because we don’t want to experience the lows. Some don’t even know how to. We are being programmed to process nothing but “good vibes”. We are chasing the high of being happy ALL the time, that’s not realistic. Negativity is a part of life, if you don’t learn how to deal with it & try to run from it, it will flog you.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always deal with it appropriately & it leaves me feeling how I imagine Charlie felt when he almost lost out on winning the chocolate factory because his benefit cheat of a grandad that hadn’t worked or even left his bed in years, convinced him to break the rules & pissed off Willy Wonka. The floor wasn’t too cold anymore when the invite came in.

Don’t let downs throw you off balance, it’s part of the process! by @mrexpsd

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3 years ago