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Nicki Denofrio

@nickidenofrio

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Dysfunction Excavation
Co-founder @understudyco

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The peace you’re looking for comes from within.

It comes from building internal trust that you know why you’re making the choices you’re making, and that they’re not wound-responses.

And if they are, that’s great, too. Because now you see them, and can understand and integrate them instead of them running the You show.

This is the difficult work, and it IS an inside job. No one can do it for you. But, if you’re lucky, you have people around you who are also doing this self-excavation, and they’ll sit in it with you.

You’ll know when you’ve had a break through when you start to laugh out loud at the thing you can finally see. And that’s when the magic really begins.

#whatwecarry #personalgrowthjourney #innerwork #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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9 hours ago

Feel free to share your feelings in the comments. I need some more data points.

#victimmentality #selfawareness #discernment #getittogether #somebodyhadtosayit by @nickidenofrio

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6 days ago

You say you’re not performative.

Then why are you performing for your own perception of worth?

#discernment #selfreflection #growthjourney #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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14 days ago

You need to excavate the layers of bullshit keeping you a victim.

I know, a lot of shit has happened in your life. I get it, I really do. Your head would explode if I laid out what my past 50 years looked like. But, it’s all my responsibility.

Not yours. Not society’s. Mine. Why?

Because I’m not a victim. The only time I have EVER felt victimized was from my own refusal to remove myself from terrible situations and to take responsibility for improving my life.

Once you’ve become an adult and you start noticing people around you seeing gains across metrics that you don’t see in your own life, that’s the entry point: to start looking at your upbringing, your own work ethic and biases, and to understand how your mind has used those things to form a story you believe is you, your personality, and your limits.

You cannot fix what you can’t yet see. (Or aren’t willing to acknowledge).

You can’t move forward until you understand WHAT you’re seeing, aka the basic ways the mind structures narratives which influence your lens on reality. And that is an exercise in humility, which is a death knell for the ego: the little monster that’s keeping you victimized by the lenses of stories it’s been piling on your face to keep the version of you IT CREATED “safe.”

You’re still reading? Great… let’s see if we can piss off your ego monster.

Then comes the daunting task of removing all the lenses that have been plastered across your face that you believed were just your eyes.

This is the shit anyone ready to actually take control of their life has had to do to dismantle decades of their own nonsense. And it sucks. Ask me how I know.

So I’ll be damned if I allow myself to fight for limitations and victimhood as if that’s the pinnacle of achievement.

Time to check the comments for the ego monsters fighting to keep their limitations alive. See ya down there

#discernment #selfimprovement #getittogether #quitbitching #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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17 days ago

We need to blame someone or something external because we want someone else to take responsibility for what we’re ashamed to admit we fell for.

Stings, doesn’t it.

#conviction #manipulation #personalresponsibility #discernment #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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21 days ago

Is it time to talk about lenses and apertures?

#perceptionisreality #bias #assumption by @nickidenofrio

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22 days ago

Regulate yourself, people. by @nickidenofrio

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23 days ago

They don’t call it “spelling” for no reason.

Do you really want to continue speaking words you don’t believe?

Words that shape your reality and what your brain integrates as your optimal operating system?

Words that belong to the mob you’re trying to keep at bay?

The only real question I have for you is this:

How’s your nervous system?

#speakthetruth #honestyiseverything #yourbrainislistening #ethics #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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23 days ago

Argue for your shame/guilt drivers with me in the comments unless you’re ready to start looking at them.

If this post triggered you instead of inviting you into curiosity about what and how you think, this post is about you.

And I used to be you, for most of my life, actually. It wasn’t until I had the strength to consider that my operating system may have been hijacked by old programming that I was able to rewrite it.

And it was humbling AND humiliating and I was the only one doing the inquiry.

These are the types of convos we have at @understudyco — from my and Jeneé’s life experiences, we hope to afford YOU a roadmap that sounds familiar enough for you to want to dig deeper.

#discernment #understudyco #idols #traumahealing #neuroplasticity by @nickidenofrio

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a month ago

Where you focus your attention… matters.
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#understudyco #womenwhonotice #thenoticing by @nickidenofrio

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a month ago

Get yourself friends who help you look at the truth. They’re worth more than gold.

#adultfriendships #businessowners #thetruth #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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a month ago

That smile is a façade.

Not one for decorum or professionalism. Those smiles are a must in certain instances.

I’m talking about a very different smile that we wip out so often we don’t realize we’re doing it.

Sometimes, it helps us cope with what we’re going through.

Sometimes we think it’s stopping it from spilling out onto the people around us.

Both are noble decisions. They’re also what drains your energy, perpetuates a lie, and slowly chips away at self trust.

At the time of this pic, I had 19 years of performing ingrained on my face and in my demeanor. When you’re on stages of one type or another, the line blurs between stage and life.

The problem was that I was hiding an entire reality from everyone around me, including myself.

A refusal to acknowledge I needed massive amounts of help because I’d convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of it.

There were many reasons for that. I’m sure you could rattle off a dozen right now from your own story. It’s part of the human condition.

25 years later, I’ve learned grace and humility, and full acceptance of reality, no matter what is occurring. It’s saved my sanity, my health, and my actual smile.

The lens between the stage and life is clearer.

I wonder how much time we waste in silent battles with reality because we believe it’s waging war against us…

#deepthinking #pause #façade #realitycheck #understudyco by @nickidenofrio

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a month ago