Instagram story viewer> @nicobrien22> Posts

Nicole O’Brien

@nicobrien22

687

followers

409

following

Living with grief + healing out loud 🤍
In honour of my husband Cst. Rick O’Brien
Brave Hearts 🩵
Joint Forces Foundation 💙
Joint Forces Jamboree 🚓🚒🚑

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

🚨 LOCKED IN 🚨

The 2027 Joint Forces Jamboree is officially on the calendar!

📅 May 22, 2027
📍 Planet Ice & Albion Fairgrounds | Maple Ridge, BC

One Day. One Community. Real Connection.

We’re already looking forward to bringing everyone together for another awesome day of ball hockey, connection and community.

📸 The photo gallery is now live on our website and packed with some pretty great moments.

Spot yourself in the gallery!
🔗 Link in Bio

A huge thank you to @shinobicreativeproductions and @photos_with_tucker for being behind the lens and capturing the heart of what Joint Forces is all about. 🩵💙 by @nicobrien22

43

1

4 months ago

Day 48 - Last day of trial

Well Babe…We did it. 🤍🙏🏼

It hit me last week that we had actually walked through all four seasons during this trial. We started in the fall expecting it to be over by December. Instead…we sat through winter, came back in the spring and today…it ended in the summer.

Somehow…that feels fitting.

For two years this trial has been this huge weight I’ve carried. I dreaded it…and once I was given the trial dates, it felt like someone had built a brick wall in front of me. Every day I got a little closer to having to walk through it.

Then the actual day came.

Walking into that courtroom and seeing the man who murdered you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 😭

I remember the first day I saw him. The angst was overwhelming. But earlier today…I found myself locking eyes with him one last time.

What a difference 48 days make.

But every day I showed up. Not because I wanted to…but because I love you and I needed to understand. I needed to be your voice. I needed to stand beside you. There was never anywhere else I was going to be.

Every morning I’d put on your pin, wear your wedding ring and walk into that courtroom. I never felt like I was walking in there alone.

I felt you with me.

The 22s kept showing up..in the craziest of ways…22nd floor, 9:22am..etc.. every one of them reminded me that you were right there beside me…giving me the strength to keep going.

Today the trial ended. And now…we wait.

For so long this trial was the thing I was trying to get through. And now…it’s behind me. There’s feelings there but the judicial experience isn’t quite over yet..and I’m scared of what comes next.

I do know my first step is writing my victim impact statement… somehow I have to try and find words to explain what losing you has done to me…seems utterly impossible.

Tonight…I’m just really freaking proud of myself!! This was really, really hard and honestly I didn’t know if I was going to make it. There were definitely days I wasn’t sure I was strong enough.

I hope I made you proud babe…I walked through the very wall I thought would break me ♥️

I did it for you.
I did it for us.

I love you, my love…for always. ♥️ by @nicobrien22

945

77

4 months ago

Since I’ve been home, I’ve really been struggling. 💔

I knew coming home from Ireland & Scotland might be hard. I didn’t expect this.

It’s like coming home makes Rick’s absence scream at me.

I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m angry. And I’m so fucking tired of figuring out how to live a life I never wanted without him.

I miss my person. Someone to make plans with, share little things with, go somewhere on a whim with…or just sit beside and do nothing.

I’m angry that wanting to go to a market or a movie means figuring out who to ask, if they’re busy, whether I’m imposing. Sometimes it’s too much effort.

I don’t want to have to ask. I don’t want to plan everything. I don’t want to be so damn independent all the time.

I just want Rick back.

And I honestly don’t know who I am anymore.

I LOVE what I’m building with Joint Forces and Brave Hearts. The work, the people, the connections, the purpose…it means the world to me.

But outside of that, I feel lost.

What makes me happy? What fills my cup? What do I even do with myself? I’m angry that I have to figure that out too.

Rick was my biggest cheerleader. He made me feel beautiful, loved, safe and protected. He believed in me and was proud of what I did. Ugh, I miss that.

People see me travelling, working, creating, living. And I do have happy moments. But there’s a loneliness that comes with losing your person that I can’t explain. I can be surrounded by people I love and still feel alone. It’s not about who’s in my life…it’s about who isn’t…I still hold so much of that inside.

Sometimes I’m angry that everyone else gets to carry on with their lives while I’m still trying to figure out mine.

It’s exhausting. And I’m tired of being exhausted.

I want joy. I want ease. I want things to look forward to that are just for me. But right now, I don’t know what those are.

Maybe that’s why I need to keep healing out loud. Writing gives me somewhere to put what I’m feeling instead of carrying it all inside.

I don’t have answers or a beautiful lesson today.

I’m just really fucking tired.

I miss Rick. I miss us. I miss the life we had.

And I miss the version of me who didn’t have to work so damn hard just to feel okay. 💙 by @nicobrien22

35

1

17 hours ago

Come smash a pumpkin with us! 😂🎃🔨

Your ticket includes a whole afternoon at Hopcott Farms…with time to reflect, smash, catch your breath and connect.

Here’s what’s included:

🎃 Your pumpkin, ready for you to write on…and smash.
🔨 Use of the smashing equipment.
🩵 A guided experience from reflection through to grounding afterwards.
☕ Food and refreshments to enjoy together.
📓 A journal to take home and keep putting words to whatever life brings.

There’s room for the hard + messy stuff…and plenty of room for laughter too.

I’m really looking forward to this…and I’d love for you to join us. 🩵

RELEASE • Pumpkin Smash
Sunday, November 1 • 1–4 PM
Hopcott Farms • Pitt Meadows
$45 per person

Book Pumpkin Smash on its own or join the complete five-experience series. Tickets through the link in our bio. 🎃 by @nicobrien22

10

2

2 days ago

by @nicobrien22

20

0

4 days ago

Eight years ago today…I married you. And I would marry you again in a heartbeat, Babe. ♥️

We should be celebrating our eighth wedding anniversary. Instead…this is my fourth without you.

I just got home from Ireland & Scotland with Brayden…the trip you and I dreamed of taking together. I’m so grateful we went & for the memories we made..but my heart hurt a lot too. There were many moments when tears silently rolled down my cheeks…and I wanted to hide them from Brayden. Everywhere we went…I thought about what you’d love, what you’d say…and how badly I wanted you beside us.

When I landed in Ireland, I felt like I heard you say, “Welcome to my homeland.” And soo many 22s kept showing up throughout our trip. I know you were doing everything to show me you were there with me.

I feel your presence so much…sometimes it’s hard to understand how you can be gone when you still feel so close. But it’s not the same. I want your hand in mine. I want to hear your voice, your laugh…and see your eyes looking back at me. Sometimes I think about how much life I still have left to miss you…and it feels overwhelming.

While in Ireland, I got the same Celtic knot tattoo you had on your finger…on my shoulder. In the last picture we ever took together… your hand was resting there. So..that’s where I wanted it…where your hand last was. 🥹

I made this design for your fifth wedding anniversary gift…the first one you missed. I was working on it the night before…and I’d just test printed it before the white shirts walked in that awful day. All the places we’d been together…with the words, “No matter what the view, I want to see it with you.”

After this trip…those words hurt a little more. There are still so many places I wanted to see with you. So much life I wanted us to share.

While working on the foundation, I found the video Cindy made when we got engaged. Watching it…I see us before we knew what was coming. So happy…with so much to look forward to. I wish we could have stayed there a little longer.

Happy anniversary, my love. I’m so glad I got to be your wife. I just wanted longer.

No matter what the view…I still want to see it with you.

I love you…for always ♥️
Nic by @nicobrien22

109

1

4 days ago

I’ve been asked why I chose a Pumpkin Smash as the first Brave Hearts experience.

The honest answer starts with what I was living through at this time last year.

The trial for Rick was about to begin. I was preparing myself to walk into a courtroom, face the man who murdered my husband and listen as the worst day of our lives was pulled apart & examined…knowing that when court ended each day, I would have to carry all of it back outside with me.

And honestly? I wanted to smash something.

There comes a time when talking isn’t enough. I had talked. I had written. I had tried to name what I was feeling. And all of that mattered.

But there were still days when it felt like the anger, fear, grief and helplessness were sitting inside my body with nowhere to go. I didn’t need better words in those moments. I needed a way to let some of it out.

That is where the idea for Pumpkin Smash came from.

I wanted to create an experience where we could name what we’ve been carrying, write it directly onto a pumpkin and physically put it outside of ourselves.

In some ways, it’s like writing a letter you never intend to send and then burning it. You take what has been living inside you, give it somewhere else to go…and then physically release it.

Except this version is louder, messier and involves picking up a bat or sledgehammer and smashing the hell out of it. 😂🎃

Not because smashing a pumpkin fixes grief, trauma or any of the hard + messy things life brings us. It doesn’t. And not because we are expected to erase what happened or simply “let it go.”

But sometimes releasing even a little of what we’ve been holding can create some breathing room.

Room to exhale. Room to reconnect with ourselves. Room to walk into the rest of the series and explore what else might help us move through what life has brought us.

I wanted our first Brave Hearts experience to make space for all of it…the reflection and the release, the meaning and the laughter, the quiet moments and the glorious mess.

That’s why RELEASE comes first. 🎃🩵 by @nicobrien22

12

0

5 days ago

Here we go!! Brayden & I are off to Ireland and Scotland today..for an adventure of a lifetime!😍

I’ve had a hard time getting excited about this trip. They were on Rick’s and my bucket lists and this was supposed to be our first trip there together…and I feel everything that’s missing.

I’ve always felt anxious about travel, but this felt bigger. Recently…I went into the forest to talk to Rick about why I was dreading it so much. Somewhere between talking to him and ugly crying so hard I could barely see, I realized…I’m scared.

For three years, my house has been my safe place. It’s where I feel close to Rick, with my dogs and my things. Leaving for two weeks feels super vulnerable. We’re doing a road trip…driving on the other side of the road 🙈 figuring things out as we go…and Rick won’t be beside me to help with the unknowns.

While I was crying, a woman I didn’t even see came up to me. She asked if I was okay, and I could barely get out, “I’m fine.”

She said, “No, you’re not.”

I told her my husband’s angelversary was coming up and I’d come to the forest to feel close to him and feel held. We got to talking…and she told me she’d just gotten back from Ireland the night before.

I said, “Pardon?”

IRELAND. The very place I was standing there crying about going to.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt Rick had put her in my path. Of all the people I could have met that day…it was someone who’d just come home from Ireland. I couldn’t believe it!! But I knew it was Rick telling me, “I’m here. Go Hun. You’re going to be okay.”

I hugged her before we parted, and I’ve thought about her ever since. 💞 She was his messenger when I needed him most.

I’m so grateful to have Brayden with me. We’ve travelled for lacrosse, and he’s such a good travel buddy…adventurous, levelheaded and totally my vibe…and he keeps me grounded. Whatever comes up, we’ll figure it out together.

Now that Rick’s memorial is behind me, I can feel the excitement. I’m still scared…and I’m going anyway.

So here I am…taking a leap of faith. I wish, so much it hurts, that Rick was coming like we’d planned…but I know he’ll be along for the adventure. And I’m excited to see how he shows me! ♥️✨💫 taken in YVR - Vancouver by @nicobrien22

117

13

19 days ago

September has become a really heavy month for me.

In September 2022…Rick lost his mom…and I remember how much he was missing her and how deeply he was grieving her that year. Then…the following September, Rick was killed. ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION. 💔 Then…less than a year later…in September 2024…my dad died suddenly…just days after I got back from the RCMP National Memorial at Depot for Rick’s special memorial.

September now comes with anniversaries, memorials, rides, runs and ceremonies too. So many dates that mean something…and so many people I love to remember. And some days…it all feels like too much to carry. 😩

This year…I chose not to attend a couple of things I normally would have. That was a hard decision for me…I want to be there, but I also know I need to take care of myself. I’m learning that I can love them, remember them and honour them while giving myself room to breathe.

I’m super tired…if I’m being honest…September has a way of making every other month look reeeeaaalllyy good. 😆

So as it comes to an end…I’m looking forward to getting away with my son, Brayden! We’re heading to Scotland and Ireland, where I’ll find my own ways to honour both my Dad and Rick’s heritage…and we plan to have a shit ton of adventures together along the way. 🥰

But first…I need to say…

I’m going to make it!! 😮‍💨
Good f#cking riddance to another September. 👋🏻

Cheers to that, Babe!! 🍻🤍🪽 by @nicobrien22

46

4

23 days ago

Babe…

1,096 days. 26,304 hours. 1,578,240 minutes. 94,694,400 seconds since I last saw you.

Some days it feels like you were just here…and other days it feels like I have been missing you forever.😔

This year asked more of me than I knew how to give…I walked into that courtroom and listened as the worst day of our lives was pulled apart over and over again. I heard and saw things I can never unhear or unsee…then court would end..and I’d have to walk back outside into a world..where everyone else was going about their day…when nothing about what I’d endured felt ordinary.

Every morning..I put on your pin, wore your wedding ring and talked to you before I went inside…and on the mornings I didn’t know how I was going to do it again.. you showed up. The 22s were always there…little reminders that you were with me. 🤍

Now that the courtroom part is behind me..I’m realizing how much of me was trapped inside it. For so long…everything pulled me back to how you died…little by little tho..I’m starting to think about you without immediately thinking about that day. I’m remembering your voice, your laugh, your sarcastic sense of humour and the way your arms around me…made me feel safe.

I miss you in all the ways people can see…and in a thousand ways they can’t. I miss having my person. I miss my husband. I miss being your wife in all the ways. I miss sharing my life with you…and I miss us so fucking much. 😭

There is so much that has grown from our love Babe…and I know you see it. I wish I could sit beside you..tell you everything and ask what you think. I even miss you telling me when one of my ideas is ridiculous. lol

We should have had more time…there was so much life we hadn’t lived yet…and I will never stop wishing we had been given the chance to live it.

I’m still trying to learn who I am without you physically here…I’m still healing, talking to you, writing to you and looking for you everywhere.

I’m still SOO in love with you.♥️

Three years without touching you…Three years without hearing your voice…but I have felt you with me every single day. Thank you for continuing to walk beside me…I love you with every fibre of my being, Rick.

For Always,
Nic ♥️xo by @nicobrien22

396

21

a month ago

Brave Hearts was never meant to exist only in the rooms where our experiences happen.

Because when the experience ends, life continues…and sometimes it is the days between gathering when connection matters most.

That is why we created the Brave Hearts Community on Onelight. 🩵

This is where our conversations can continue, where we can explore the topics that matter and where we will share practical tools and resources to carry into everyday life.

It is also where you’ll be the first to discover new Brave Hearts pop up events.

But there is another part of Onelight that feels especially meaningful.

Sometimes you know you need connection, but you can’t find the words to explain what you need or don’t know how to ask for it.

On Onelight, you can turn your light on.💡

It is a quiet way of letting the community know…

I’m here.
I could use some connection.
I’m open to a conversation.

Turning your light on becomes an invitation for someone to reach out…an invitation for a conversation or simply an invitation to connect.

You don’t need to explain everything.

You don’t need to have the right words.

And you don’t need to be ready to share your story.

You can also join quietly, look around and begin in whatever way feels comfortable for you.

You don’t need to have attended a Brave Hearts experience.

You don’t need to know anyone.

You just get to come as you are.

Because our stories may be different, but none of us has to carry the hard + messy parts of life alone.

CONNECTION CHANGES WHAT BECOMES POSSIBLE.

Join the Brave Hearts Community on Onelight through the link in our bio.

There is a place for you here. 🩵 by @nicobrien22

17

1

a month ago

Today started at the Pitt Meadows RCMP Open House…where Rick worked.

I spent the day introducing members of our community to Joint Forces and Brave Hearts…and in doing that, I talked about Rick all day long.

I shared who he was, told his story and talked about everything that has grown from his life and the way he connected with people. There were moments when I found myself crying as I spoke about him to complete strangers…people who may not have known Rick before today, but were willing to stop, listen and learn about the person behind everything we are creating. Some reached out and gave me a hug…and those moments meant more than they probably realized.

It was emotional…and a lot for my heart to carry.

Tonight…I pushed myself to keep living and went to the Vancouver Giants season opener with my best friend.

Giants games were something Rick and I shared for years…and although the seat beside us stayed empty all night…Rick made it very clear that he hadn’t missed the game.✨💫

It started before I even walked inside…and then the 22s just kept appearing everywhere I looked.

And then …

2:22 on the clock.
The score was 2–2.
And “Kashmir” was playing.

My favourite Led Zeppelin song…the song I listened to every time I drove out to Chilliwack to see him.

Then the Giants won in overtime.

Annnnd just before 9:00, my sister texted me to tell me that her “Rick light” had turned on for the first time in a while.

After a day filled with his story, his work and everything that continues to grow from the life he lived…it felt like one huge reminder that Rick was still walking beside me through all of it.

The seat may have been empty…but you were there from the very beginning.

You didn’t miss a thing.🥹

I love you, babe.♥️ Thank you for reminding me that you’re still here…and that I’m not walking through any of this alone. 💙🙏🏼 by @nicobrien22

23

4

a month ago