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Non Iwkms

@non_iwkms

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This is a page about the things I like!

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I'm 20 years old today.

Since I was a child I was afraid to get older, I dreaded the day I would become 18 since that's the age we "become" adults by law.

I've always hoped my life would end before turning twenty years old, I never thought I would grow old, nor did I want to.

I'm really afraid of living, trying and failing. It all seems like a race and it feels like I'm really falling behind.

I've come to like and dislike many things throughout all these years, I've learned many things I didn't think I would, I've been scared most of the time and it feels like I'm suffocating every day more.

It's like I try and I try but I'm never satisified with the results, all because I can't come to ever like anything I do or myself.

These 20 years I've lived have been pretty amazing, I have a loving and caring family, I have met so many people and friends I hold dearly over the years, I've been able to connect with so many fun and cool people online with videogames but despite all that, some days it gets so bad I just want to end it all as fast as I can.

It's very selfish of me, I feel really bad about it and I feel like my family doesn't deserve someone that's such a failure like me.

I've tried so much to like myself, I've tried so much to prove I'm worth even a single care as a human being and I'm genuinely grateful for having such a good family, but I'm so damn afraid of living any longer and every day more I just wish I could disappear.

Maybe I might need help, maybe I need to stop being such a coward and try more or maybe I should just end it all and stop all this whining.

I wake up every day to this dread of being stuck with myself and my thoughts, it has never gotten better since I was a child, I still have the same thoughts I had as back then, it seems to just be getting worse and I don't know when or how long until I reach my breaking point.

I live in fear of what I'll become or if I'm just living in vain. My family thinks I'll become someone great, my parents think I'm worth of and capable of so much it's excruciating to think I'll just become a disappointment despite trying so fucking much.

I'm tired, I'm worried and I'm really afraid of life. by @non_iwkms

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11 days ago

My head hurts most of the time as of late.

I feel like I'm failing in every subject and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier, so I decided to make a post and share my meaningless and negative thoughts in form of a text through a post because I'm an idiot and want to express what I feel.

There are so many things I want to ramble on about but it's all so useless and annoying and it's mostly all my own fault, sometimes I just wish I could be someone else completely so that way I don't ever have to think about me or what I'd do or how someone else would've done it differently and better than me, it all feels like just a useless struggle until I eventually meet my end.

This constant comparison is annoying me and I can't seem to ever get it off my head, nothing I do is ever good enough but I still try, just enough to make me mad about it and realize I never had a chance to begin with.

For the while being, these pics will suffice my inner thoughts which heavily relies on how much I like something, and in this case it's because I feel like I can say I'm starting to understand a bit more about how this game's graphics works along with reshade.

I've finally been able to add depth of field to my game along with some other minor reshade things, I'm really dumb so it took me a while to understand it even with guides, so I guess I'm improving at one thing at the least and that makes me happy.

There's so much to learn and so little time and patience I have, it's disheartening.

#s15 #driftcar #explore #gaming #photography by @non_iwkms

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19 days ago

9!

#carx #s15 #driftcar #lowstyle by @non_iwkms

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a month ago

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3 months ago

Post 7

I've been meaning to post for a while now but I have not been happy with how my pics are coming out.

I really like this 180sx, more so than I would've thought when switching styles since I can't seem to like anything else other than works9 bodykit but I think gt-1 is really cool!

There's not much originality nor personality in this build since there's a lot of 180's like this but I really like this one, so I'm posting!

#carx #jdm #180sx #driftcar #explore by @non_iwkms

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3 months ago

Post 6!

I think I'm starting to get how reshade works along with graphics presets lol.

In reality I really don't know a single thing I'm doing, I'm just pressing buttons and hoping it works.

I've always wanted to take pics at nighttime but often it just looked rather way too dark and unpleasant to look at but, I think these ones came out pretty nice! I also really liked this fd3s!

#rx7 #fd3s #carx #photography #jdm #ᴇxᴘʟᴏʀᴇᴘᴀɢᴇ by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago

Post 5

#carx #s13 #jdm #shakotan #works9 by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago

Post 4!

Until I can figure out what I like to do other than make 5 minutes car builds, I will keep posting the ones I like the most in order!

Also it is probably the first time I have ever posted two times in a row in which it has not even been a full day since the last one i posted (lol). Bear with me!

I tried switching my style for a bit on the s15, it looks properly lowered while not being too much as I tend to do.

#s15 #jdmlifestyle #drift #carx by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago

post 3

#jzx100 #carx #jdm by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago

🎶

#jzx100 #carx #driftcar #jdm do tags even work lol by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago

Post 2

Tried window sticker tuning although I'm not very skilled at it, I think it can be improved on but this is a start!

I learned how to add custom objects like the canards and badges, along with a cluster gauge that I didn't focus pics on but I think I'm getting the grasp of it all. It's pretty fun.

Thank you @worst.auto_spl and @abservator1 for the decay zombie division stickers!

#carx #jzx100 #jzx100mark2 #jdm by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago

Hello out there everyone!

It's been some time since I last posted and with this I'd like to say I'm very happy about being back on carx online after such a long time of not enjoying playing it on console. I've finally moved on to PC, and it's honestly the best thing ever, I feel free from the shackles of console subscriptions and limited experience.

Thanks to the modders and the great community of carx, I've been able to make a 180SX that finally satisfies me and my interests. While I know I'll never experience owning such a car in real life, I'm glad I can experience it in a game. It's still not finished from my perspective, I've always liked works9 bodykit and probably will still do, as you can see from the extremely lowered ride height!

As for the location, Nikko Circuit has always been a favorite of mine, I'm really glad I can finally drive on it even if in a game.

From another perspective, this is just an early post to show what's to come from me and that I'm happy about being on a PC after long wishing for it. I've worked hard for it didn't I? Lol I hope I deserved it.

My understanding of modding is still very limited but I'll work on getting better and polishing it, hopefully taking pics I'm prouder of than these ones!

Until next time!

#carx #180sx #jdm #drift by @non_iwkms

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4 months ago