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zara

@onbeingzara

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my mother's daughter. writer. heart centered lawyer. sitting with grief. more care. more art. on being more present in this one precious life i have.
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I love books. I love reading. Turning pages. Book covers. Fonts. Scrumptious! Slipping my bookmark in to hold my place for when I return. Exploring places, learning, feeling things, growing, meeting characters, falling in love, great adventures, suspense, heart expanding, tear inducing, mind blowing sentences, images that take my breath... all just a reach away on my bookshelves. Being surrounded by my books gives me great comfort and joy. I love going to places that have books... libraries... independent bookstores... homes with overflowing bookshelves. Looking through my collection I can see my various journeys... the books that were my companions through heartbreak, healing, burnout, social justice work, several degrees, health challenges, desire to escape, activism, self-care, need to laugh, writing, grief and... Thankful for all those that write and publish. Gratitude for the amazing independent bookstores. Love librarians. And thank you to bookstore employees who share their perfect little book reviews. Much book love. #books #reading #independentbookstores #writers #libraries by @onbeingzara
3
2 days ago
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Somewhere in between...this and that. Transitions. Leaves and petals falling. Summer said goodbye. Traces of autumn linger. New beginnings. Planting what can survive. Welcoming winter. Unexpected buds. Few flowers in bloom. Endings and beginnings in the same soil. Anticipation of what will rise up. Hopeful. Gardens teaching me to hold passing and possibilities in the same moment. Witnessing what is. Letting go. Holding on. Letting go. Healing. Patience. Seedlings of transformation. #transitions #change #beginnings #endings #lettinggo by @onbeingzara
2
6 days ago
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Blessed for my friends. I am so very lucky to have amazing friends. Kind and good folks. Most have known me for decades. Grateful for their care and love. My longest friendship started at just 3 years old...”bestest friends” as our 7 year old selves would describe..and our friendship has survived, thrived, expanded and transformed through all of our major life moments. Over 50 years of witnessing each other. Such a privilege. My friends have shown up for me. Always. Joyful times to gut-wrenching times and everything in between. Lovely soul-filling and spirit-lifting visits. Many laughs. Buckets of tears. Hugs and hand holding. Treats and being spoiled. Showing up...for whatever “it” may be. And jam....jars and jars of delicious home made jam. Flats of strawberries bought at peak season. Time put aside to make the jam. Sweet labels. And packing them and delivering them. Sometimes a jar or two on each visit. Sometimes special delivery packages couriered to make sure jam was stocked. And then on some long weekend gatherings a whole box of jam is made and brought just for me! The sweet strawberry jam...so perfect...summer. More than jam. A wish for healing. An offering of support. A comfort and grounding for uncertain days. A known delight. A reminder of being loved, cherished and remembered. A message - I am here for you. Friendship love. Jam love. #friendship #friends #grateful #care #community by @onbeingzara
8
8 days ago
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The right place to grow. This plant was sad. It didn’t like being on the side table. With light but not the right light. The space did not rise up to it. It gave me shrugs. It wilted. It gave me side eye. Do something. And then this regal, retro plant stand appeared. Perfect. Best light, best space, best conditions. And the leaves multiplied, cascading, full and bright. Sometimes to grow - a shift, some movement, a better place, more light...and knowing it could be better... (And a pedestal doesn’t hurt.) #growing #shift #change #transformation #newbeginning by @onbeingzara
0
10 days ago
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Sometimes I hold the loss Sometimes the loss holds me Sometimes I carry the loss Sometimes the loss carries me #grief #loss #mourning #death #sorrow by @onbeingzara
1
a month ago
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I didn’t plant tomatoes...but here they are... I’m not a gardener but now I have tomatoes... Where did these little seeds come from? They make me happy...seeing them...happier than I thought... There was definitely delight and pleasure at finding these little wonders in the flower bed... Sometimes things come our way that are unexpected, unplanned, not imagined and then they arrive... Sometimes they tell you something about yourself or give you a new perspective... Or lead you down a path... Sometimes they just make you stop...pause...smile... Sometimes they may be messages... Mama are you planting tomatoes in the garden? Sometimes the unexpected takes you away from the moment or brings you into the moment... My little tomatoes...reminding me that not all unexpected things are hard, sad, painful or bring loss... My little tomatoes, reminding me of the unexpected joy, gifts, learning, offerings, possibilities, growth of new things and new beginnings... Harvesting the unexpected....one tomato at a time. #newbeginning #growth #healing #grief #joy by @onbeingzara
5
2 months ago
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being in community can be complicated at times small communities...big communities communities assigned...communities chosen communities of origin...communities of migration communities inherited.... seedling communities but oh there is something lovely to be held by community... the aunty that always mails you a birthday card (envelope adorned with stickers)...the neighbour that drops off your favorite donut...the friend that leaves wildflowers by your door...the childhood friends that make sure you are not sinking too deep into sadness and circle around... so grateful for all those that nest around me...some close by...some further away...some sending prayers, others sending jam....some sharing with me how much I am like my mum... everyone, all of us, doing what we can to hold each other...kindly...gently...with care #care #community #kindness #grief #held by @onbeingzara
6
2 months ago
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More awe. More moments that take your breath away. More losing yourself in blue skies. More bathing in ocean waves. More art that makes you feel alive. More books that bring delight with every word. More perfectly sweet strawberries. More time that stands still. More full heart, overflowing. More architecture that releases the soul. More hands outstretched to hold each other. More kindness that makes us weep. More hope that all is possible. #awe #art #breath #life #hope by @onbeingzara
0
2 months ago
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Growing up my mum modelled gratitude in everything she did. She never took anything for granted. She taught me to believe that I was no better than anybody else but no less than anybody else. She had no room for arrogance, ego, vanity and unkindness. She fostered and led a life of service, faith, kindness, care, generosity and building community. She would encourage me to be grateful for everything, all the time. Awareness of the challenges others experienced was always present. She would say, “Think of what other people are going through – count your blessings.” Our household, always welcoming many with broken hearts, broken spirits, isolated and wayward souls. Be grateful for what you have. Not just the big things, the material things…but the small, tiny things. We are so lucky she would say. Be grateful. We have so much. We have each other. She was right.  #gratitude #grateful #grief #care #loss by @onbeingzara
4
2 months ago
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I have been learning a lot about letting go. Chronic illness and disability are humbling, as letting go becomes less of a choice but the reality of diminished energy and ever changing limitations. Caregiving for senior and ill parents, I bear/bore witness to the incredibly painful journey of letting go daily of capacity and independence. As a carer I have had to embrace that I cannot do it all alone and I need to care for myself too. And now, being more concious about letting go. Letting go and decreasing the “should” lists. Creating more space for what I want and need. More space for: Silence Slow mornings Delicious catch up time with dear ones in my life Joy, awe and delight Writing, reading and creating Ease... Letting go Welcoming surrender Creating space for me in my life. #lettinggo #surrender #care #healing #wellbeing by @onbeingzara
3
3 months ago
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there is always something to do…something to be done lists, sticky notes, texts, voice notes, calendar notifications, reminders of deadlines, appointments, meetings, etc. it all seems necessary...urgent...important...has to be done now… until you get the call - “you have cancer” until you arrive at the hospital and are told - “your mum passed away” until… in that instant nothing matters…but everything matters in a moment things crystalize surviving colon cancer made me slow down losing my mother made me fall to my knees stillness provides respite and repair stillness offers reflection and release in stillness healing begins #grief #healing #stillness #loss #heartbreak by @onbeingzara
7
3 months ago
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I have never been a gardener. I am still not a gardener. But I love my mum’s garden and the garden I have for her… in her memory… in my memory of her. Something hopeful in gardens. Plant the seeds, bulbs, and maybe… maybe something new will emerge… push its way through the earth with possibility… A temporal space of lush and overflowing blooms and buds (if all goes well), culled by the loss of different seasons and cycles coming to an end… And then we start again. #grief #loss #care #healing #being by @onbeingzara
3
3 months ago
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