FaTiMa

"Nostalgia"
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The sound of the fans whirring after a long cold winter  bring back the memories of my hometown summer days.
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The familiar sound of crickets chirping in the middle of the day as I keep cuddling to the quilt till midday.
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The gentle breeze the whizes past me during my lengthy walks back home in the sizzling summers reminds me of playful recess after the long school hours…
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But nostalgia has more to it….the playful emotions, the lovable memories, they get displaced by feelings I never thought existed in me….
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The rush of adrenaline as I get cat called down the street. The cheerful laughter of men as they sit down on the dinner table turn into evil manic laughs, the caressing hands become ruthless and dirty, the compliments into whispers and scorn, the lovable lullabies into never ending nightmares…. I get up with a jolt
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Every time I feel this… Scared… feeling like a child I no longer am, waiting to be hugged…my esteem shattered, my inner all shaken.
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But wait!! These aren’t my memories, this isn’t my past… why do I feel this way? Why is my head full of these memories? I am protected, I am safe, I am loved… yet I feel my cousin’s scars whose husband scalded her, I feel the friend who was raped as a kid, I feel my fellows who are harassed at work, I feel the things I was shhhed about. Every single hashtag becomes my own memory and comes rushing in to my head every now and then. For I too am one of them.” Hwwa ki beti”…
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I am not so sure what to feel about this these feelings anymore. My pretty childhood memories are contaminated by filthy men…I put in a smile and join the crowd but will I be able to love again, to live again? As I keep thinking, standing within the world, I feel another rush of feelings, another round of memories, I turn back and hide myself, preparing to deal with this nostalgia.
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#writingprosess #nostalgic #prosepoetry #hashtags #writeups
#womenrights #harassment #writingwomen #nightmarefuel #writingislove #memoriesmade