Brooklyn Bird

Kids are often accused of “manipulating” their parents (by crying, asking for attention, etc.)…

But most of the time, parents are the ones trying to manipulate their kids.

It doesn’t have to be that way. The parent-child relationship is not a zero-sum game where one party has to be in control of the other.

What is true for all relationships is true for the parent-child relationship: We are most successful when we show respect and collaborate. We are least successful when we control, compete, and coerce.

Personally, I’ve realized that I’m in a manipulative mindset any time I find myself asking “how can I get her to _____?”

Asking this question assumes that if I use just the right words, timing, tone of voice, etc., then I am guaranteed a certain outcome from my child.

In other words, the question assumes that my “parenting skills” can destroy her agency.

This is not how I want to relate to my child (or any human being).

I want to influence others for good WHILE respecting their agency.

I never want my kids to do anything just because I “got them to.”

So when I hope that my child will make a good choice, these are the questions I ask myself instead:

How can I set a better example of what I want to see?

How can I give her space to make her own decision?

How can we make our home a place where this behavior is a natural part of who we are?

How can I invite in a way that leaves space for agency?

If someone wanted me to do X, how would I want them to invite me?

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My goal is not to “get” my kids to do anything. It is to create an environment that makes it easy to choose respect, love, teamwork, and compassion.

But it is still their choice. And I’m 100% okay with that. Agency is God’s plan for us, and I trust Him.

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#respectfulparenting #godlyparenting #gracebasedparenting #christcenteredparenting #christianparenting #consciousparenting #lds #ldsparenting #parenting #intentionalparenting