e r i c a.

the last lap of the 3rd decade. i looked at a photo of myself nine years ago on this day; tired. on my way to work. winging it + wondering. unsure of what the next 10 years would bring. there were things i could foresee, but not quite honest with myself on how the vision would manifest. how i would make it out. how we would we survive. how i would live, in general. there were things i could not see at all because of the closure of my twenties. a silly me to think the decisions of an elder adolescent was conclusive. that God would leave it be right where i was.

everything that did not come with me into my thirties, i am leaving with. all the things that i thought would take me out, have withered away in my revival instead. what was involuntarily taken from me in my twenties + in my early thirties, God restored in this latter half. no one’s program, pettiness, or personal feelings about me was bigger than that plan. i did not see any of this for myself, but i’m thankful that someone’s prayers saw + sought more for me. i’m full from the knowing that what was fatal, was not final. every word of the year from 30 to 39 was intuitive + intentionally-crafted. i entered the decade this crying about not feeling valued because i didn’t finish school. the gag? living life was the lesson this whole time. i’m closing with a rejoice of being awarded a writing fellowship, the acceptance of a grad school program by way of a child that changed my educational + life trajectory (@thepamelafuller, thank you for letting me love on your baby), and the full acceptance of who i am—mom of three turned five, a wife (@iammaestroreeg, thankful for how you shifted all i thought i knew of love), a friend, and a domestic violence survivor.

this is the last of so many things + yet, just the beginning…

a blessed 39th it will be. așè.

mua: @konfidentlook.

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