ainsleigh jayne🌷

one year, or approximately 525,600 minutes, isn’t a long time in the grand scheme of things. its only about 1/79 of the average human life expectancy. only 1/19 of mine. this year, however, was the first one in a decade that i spent without rackers. i didn’t know a life without him, and over the past year i’ve been trying to navigate it. here is what i’ve learned:
-you should always listen to your theatre teacher. he probably knows what he’s talking about, and you definitely took it for granted when he was with you. not knowing what to do in a scene because he’s not there to tell you for the first time in your career really sucks, but ultimately you can probably figure it out from some random lecture he gave you at one point or another.
-grief is NOT linear. it is bumpy. it is difficult. it is heart wrenching and it absolutely fucking sucks. you can’t have an expectation to get over it by a deadline, and there will be days that just breathing feels difficult. slow it down and take it one step at a time, and if it gets to be too much, its okay to take a break.
-you are allowed to quit. it is okay to not want to do things anymore. if it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. its not worth it.
and finally,
always keep the voice of rackers in the back of your mind when you’re performing, and know he is always proud of you. despite your grief, he wants you to continue.
i love you and i miss you every single minute of every single day.
🦄🤍