Omar Elkateb

This one’s just me, talking to me. Read it if you want. I’m not doing it for you.

It’s 6 in the morning. I’m alone in the desert, a brick dome over my head raining the music back down, and for the first time in forever there’s nobody to smile for. Nobody to be good for. And it’s so quiet I can finally hear how loud I’ve been performing.

“Omar, we love that you’re always smiling.. do you ever even get mad?” I used to love hearing this, made me smile even more, and say thanks!

Thanks for what? For not letting anyone actually see me?

Until someone said it straight “drop it you’ve worn this smile for too long that you forgot your own face”

So I’m at the mirror and I watch my own eyebrows lift, getting ready to pose, before I even decide to. There he is. The little guy who reads every room and smiles first. Been running the show my whole life.

And I’m not even mad at him. He’s me. He showed up when I was small and scared and made me likeable so nobody could get to me. Good job, buddy. Seriously. You did good.

I just don’t need you doing it for them anymore. Fuck them. Lovingly. I don’t want the room. I don’t want the applause. I want this. The dome. The quiet. Me making faces at myself, dancing like an idiot, putting on a whole one-man show nobody will ever see.

Realest I’ve felt in years.

So here’s the deal, me and me. We keep smiling. We keep performing. We’re built for it, we love it. But the show’s for us now. Anybody watching is welcome. We’re just not doing it for them.

Look at you. Smiling right now. Go fly, be, and know you’ll always have the pool full and flowing for you whenever you want to come back 🕊️

#mask #part #protector #self