Melody Javier

Grief-the greater the love, the greater the grief. Feeling the weight of that statement in a way I never thought I would at this point in my life.

Grief-it hits you in ways you least expect it. Last week, I was watching a documentary and a random man playing piano popped up. Shiloh looked at him and said, “Granddad!” I lost it. It’s been a month since she last saw him, and her little 16 month old self still remembers that he would play piano with her. That’s one of the last photos I have of him on my phone-her playing piano in his lap. He loved playing piano, and Shiloh loved sitting in his lap, playing alongside him. My heart aches, knowing she won’t always have memories of him that pop into her head. My heart aches knowing that the future kids we may have, will never know him. My heart aches, knowing that a piece of it will always be missing. My heart aches knowing that the last pictures I have of my dad feel frozen in time, knowing that Shiloh and I just keep getting older and we no longer have the privilege of watching my dad grow older. It is a privilege to age alongside those you love, as we truly don’t know how much time we have left.

Grief-there is so much to process through during a season of grief. When my dad’s heart stopped, my world did too.