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Posted On: September 21st 2026, 08:44 pm
Getting that negative result after our first IVF cycle was the hardest part of our fertility journey.
Looking back, I was so naïve about IVF.
I didn't know anyone who had been through it, so I had no one to ask for advice. In my mind, IVF was our Plan B. We'd do a cycle... and we'd get pregnant.
I never really considered what I'd do if it didn't work.
The reality is that, unfortunately, more IVF cycles end in a negative result than a positive one. That's why I wanted to share four questions that I encourage the patients I support to think about after a failed cycle.
1. What do I need right now to recover?
It's okay to grieve and take time. Think about how you've coped with difficult times in the past. What helped? Maybe it's spending time with people you love, taking some time for yourself, journalling, getting outside, or talking to others who understand.
2. What am I pleased I did during this round?
Think about what helped you physically or emotionally during treatment.
Was it eating well? Prioritising sleep? Acupuncture? Counselling? Talking to others? Taking time off work?
Knowing what supported you means you can carry those things forward if you decide to have another cycle.
3. What can we learn from this cycle?
When you're ready, think about your follow-up appointment.
Go with questions and find out whether there are any changes that could be considered next time.
This isn't about blaming yourself or your clinic. It's about making sure you have all the information you need to make decisions about your next steps. Also think about any changes you’d like to make for further rounds (more sleep, time off work, lifestyle changes…)
4. Do I need a break?
I know how tempting it can be to want to start another cycle straight away. I felt exactly the same.
But sometimes your mind and body need time to recover before making the next decision.
Only you know when you're ready.
Whatever you're feeling after a negative result, whether that's sadness, anger, numbness or complete overwhelm, please know it's normal.
Be kind to yourself. Take things one day at a time. And remember, you don't have to get through this on your own xx
Looking back, I was so naïve about IVF.
I didn't know anyone who had been through it, so I had no one to ask for advice. In my mind, IVF was our Plan B. We'd do a cycle... and we'd get pregnant.
I never really considered what I'd do if it didn't work.
The reality is that, unfortunately, more IVF cycles end in a negative result than a positive one. That's why I wanted to share four questions that I encourage the patients I support to think about after a failed cycle.
1. What do I need right now to recover?
It's okay to grieve and take time. Think about how you've coped with difficult times in the past. What helped? Maybe it's spending time with people you love, taking some time for yourself, journalling, getting outside, or talking to others who understand.
2. What am I pleased I did during this round?
Think about what helped you physically or emotionally during treatment.
Was it eating well? Prioritising sleep? Acupuncture? Counselling? Talking to others? Taking time off work?
Knowing what supported you means you can carry those things forward if you decide to have another cycle.
3. What can we learn from this cycle?
When you're ready, think about your follow-up appointment.
Go with questions and find out whether there are any changes that could be considered next time.
This isn't about blaming yourself or your clinic. It's about making sure you have all the information you need to make decisions about your next steps. Also think about any changes you’d like to make for further rounds (more sleep, time off work, lifestyle changes…)
4. Do I need a break?
I know how tempting it can be to want to start another cycle straight away. I felt exactly the same.
But sometimes your mind and body need time to recover before making the next decision.
Only you know when you're ready.
Whatever you're feeling after a negative result, whether that's sadness, anger, numbness or complete overwhelm, please know it's normal.
Be kind to yourself. Take things one day at a time. And remember, you don't have to get through this on your own xx
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