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Sarah Banks | Fertility Coach

@ivfpositivityplanner

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💗 Award-winning expert & coach
📖 Best selling coaching journal
🍍 Empowering your #ttc & #ivf journey
🌈 IVF mum, helping you feel seen & supported

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Beginning IVF treatment can feel like stepping into a world of rollercoaster emotions, where everything you want most is in someone else’s hands.

How do I know? Because I’ve been where you are. Now, I’m here to help you navigate these waters, feeling empowered, informed and more in control.

Come along to my free workshop next monday (23rd Oct) at 8pm to get support and practical startegies to take control through IVF xx

#ivfpositivityplanner #sarahbankscoach #fertilitycoach #ivfstrongertogether #ivfsupport #ivfwarrior #fighting4fertility #journalling #journalwriting #ivfbook #ivfplanner #infertilitysupport #infertilitysucks #infertilityawareness #infertilitycommunity #ivfstrong #fertilitysupport #emotionalwellbeing #ttcjourney #ttcsisters #ivfgotthis #empoweredivf #empoweryourivf by @ivfpositivityplanner

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12

3 years ago

Hi, I'm Sarah 😊 It's been a while since I introduced myself...

I've been with my hubby since we were 18, and we got married when we were 25. We started trying for a baby a year later, and thought we'd be like all our friends who got pregnant as soon as they started trying. Unfortunately that was the start of a heartbreaking 6 year journey for us, a time where I felt unbelievably lonely, sad, overwhelmed and out of control.

My first IVF cycle resulted in OHSS (after having 45 follicles, 30 eggs and ovaries the size of oranges) and my remaining two embryos being frozen. My first frozen transfer wasn’t successful and that was the lowest point in my journey - I just assumed it would work, and I felt heartbroken and lost when it didn’t, because I suddenly realised that this may never happen for us. It was after that that I knew I needed some support from a Life Coach to help me pick myself back up and keep going.

We were one of the lucky ones, our 2nd embryo transfer resulted in our amazing son, our little miracle, something we thought would never happen for us. When he was 15 months old I found out that we were pregnant naturally with our second miracle, our daughter, and I still feel guilty for talking about her in this space.

After having my son I knew I wanted to do something to help those who were still going through the struggle I'd been through. I knew how tough it was and how little support there was.

I retrained as a life coach because I wanted to help people make changes to help them feel better whilst TTC and going through treatment, and I set up online support groups to give people the peer support that I desperately wish I'd had.

For years I knew I wanted to create something that would give people support whenever they needed it, and that helped them to take back some of the control we feel we've lost when having to go through treatment.

That was how my IVF Positivity Planner was created!

I also work with fertility clinics, creating support strategies for them and running training to staff, to increase the emotional support they are giving to patients.

I'm always here for you and will always reply, so please DM me if you need me xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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4 years ago

I'm so pleased with the new photos of my IVF Positivity Planner thanks to the amazing Danny Thompson 💕 as cringey as it was having my picture taken 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

The planner is designed to help you feel calmer, more informed and more in control of what is happening to your body, helping you feel in a better state for coping through TTC and IVF.

It is different to other journals in that it combines coping strategies, coaching questions to support you through treatment, daily journaling and exercises to help you feel in control.

I am a qualified coach and trusted industry expert, so I used all my knowledge and experience in creating something that I knew would be helpful.

The planner includes...
🍍Coaching questions to help you feel less overwhelmed and more in control.

🍍Coping strategies and advice on the most common worries that people have.

🍍12 weeks, undated journal pages to reflect on the positives from the day, your self-care time and actions you plan to take the next day to keep you feeling positive about your life.

🍍Monthly goal setting on self-care and other areas in your life, with regular check ins for support.

🍍A plan to support and guide you through treatment, with coping tips, space for writing notes in your appointments, knowing your support network and juggling treatment with work.

It has also been endorsed by reputable fertility professionals, including the Chair of British Infertility Counselling Association and the Chair of the Royal College of Nursing.

Going through IVF can be tough emotionally and physically, but the planner is there with you every step of the way, to support, guide and encourage you. You may feel like you are the only one in the world feeling like you do, but I promise you you’re not.

You can find out more and get a copy at www.positivotyplanners.com

Xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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4 years ago

Today, on Baby Loss Awareness Day, my thoughts are with everyone who has lost their precious little one far too soon. 💜

There are no words that can take away the pain of that loss, or the longing for the life that should have been.

Grief can feel heavy, isolating, and never-ending, but please know you are not alone.

Your baby’s life, no matter how brief, matters. Their memory matters. And your love for them will always matter.

If you’re lighting a candle tonight, know that it joins thousands of others across the world, a wave of light for every little one we carry in our hearts.

Sending lots of love and compassion to everyone navigating this today and always xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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3 days ago

Infertility and IVF are deeply personal and emotional journeys, and if you've not been through it yourself it can be difficult to fully understand.

Even well-meaning comments can unintentionally hurt, and we've all been on the receiving end of some of these.

Here’s what to avoid, and why (and some supportive alternatives):

1️⃣ “Why don’t you just take a break?”
Why not: IVF isn’t just about timing, it’s a complex, emotional process. Suggesting a break can feel dismissive of their effort and hope.

2️⃣ “You’re young, it’ll happen eventually.”
Why not: Age-related fertility anxiety is real, and is often ignored by professionals, it can minimise how they feel.

3️⃣ “Maybe it’s stress?”
Why not: Infertility is rarely caused by stress alone. This can make someone feel blamed or guilty.

4️⃣ “Have you tried [insert diet/supplement/alternative therapy]?”
Why not: Offering unsolicited “solutions” can feel like you’re suggesting they haven’t tried hard enough.

5️⃣ “At least you have your health.”
Why not: While true, it minimises the very real emotional pain and loss they are experiencing.

6️⃣ “Other people go through worse.”
Why not: Comparing struggles invalidates feelings and can make someone feel guilty for being upset.

7️⃣ “You’ll have other chances.”
Why not: Every IVF cycle carries uncertainty; this can feel dismissive of the hope they’ve placed in this attempt.

8️⃣ “Just be patient.”
Why not: Waiting is agonising, this can come across as dismissing the emotional weight of infertility.

9️⃣ “Why don't you adopt?”
Why not: While adoption may be a future consideration, suggesting it prematurely can feel like giving up on their current journey.

🔟 “Why haven’t you had kids yet?”
Why not: This is deeply personal and can feel accusatory or judgmental.

Supportive alternatives:
🩷 “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”
🩷 “I know this journey is hard, and I’m thinking of you.”
🩷 “I support whatever decisions you make, you’re not alone.”

Remember: you might not fully understand what they're going through, but just being there and listening is the most supportive thing you can do.

Please share this to help others xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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5 days ago

Have you ever sat in a fertility clinic waiting room and noticed how nobody really makes eye contact? You know everyone is there for the same reason, yet we all tend to keep our heads down, look at our phones or pretend to be engrossed in something else.

I remember how lonely those moments could feel. You’re surrounded by people who might understand exactly what you’re going through, but there’s this unspoken silence between you.

Behind every person in that room is a story you can’t see. Hope, worry, heartbreak, uncertainty… and probably a whole lot of different emotions all mixed together.

If waiting for your appointment feels difficult, here are a few things you could try:

🩷 Take something to distract you. A book, music or a puzzle book can help stop your mind from going into overdrive while you wait. The lovely Julianne Boutaleb told me that puzzle books are a brilliant way to stop the negative thoughts spiral too!

🩷 Try some slow breathing. It won’t take away the worry, but it might help you feel a little calmer, and help if you're feeling a bit wobbly.

🩷 Try not to compare yourself with other people in the room. It’s easy to wonder where everyone else is in their treatment or what their story might be, but you simply don’t know, and thinking about it is only likely to make you feel worse.

🩷 Remind yourself that you’re not alone. You might not know the people sitting around you, but many will understand more than you realise. Message me if you're feeling like that, I remember the feeling well

And if the waiting rooms, appointments and emotional ups and downs are getting a bit much, you don’t have to navigate it all on your own.

You’re very welcome to join my free fertility support group (link in bio), it's full of such lovely supportive people xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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8 days ago

Just because someone is smiling and saying “I’m fine” doesn’t mean they actually are.

We all put on a brave face sometimes (at work, with friends, or even at home) because it feels easier than explaining the exhaustion, the stress, or the heartbreak we might be feeling.

That’s why it’s so important to check in.

A simple “How are you really doing?” can mean the world.

Sometimes, just knowing someone notices and cares is enough to lift a little weight off their shoulders.

So today, let’s be intentional. Notice the people around you, ask the question, and listen without needing to fix it.

Even if they say they’re fine.

It's then up to them if they want to open up, but knowing someone is there for them if they want to can make a huge difference.

Saying 'I'm here if you ever want to talk' can be a lifeline to someone, and if you're struggling I'm here to listen xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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10 days ago

Unvalidated grief after a failed IVF cycle.... Have you felt like this too? I felt like no-one understood why I was so upset, and if you're finding this too, then please know that your grief is completely valid. We don't have to have a physical thing to feel grief. Sending big hugs xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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13 days ago

Fertility treatment is rarely straightforward. It's full of appointments, information, uncertainty, waiting, and unexpected changes. If you're neurodivergent, these experiences can feel even more intense, and that's something we don't talk about enough.

It's important to remember that there is no "right" way to cope. Your brain simply processes the world differently, and that's okay.

Here are a few things that might help before and during appointments:

- Let the clinic know you're neurodivergent. They won’t know to make adjustments if they don't know what you need.

- Ask for information in a format that works for you. You might prefer written notes, diagrams, emails after appointments, or time to process information before making decisions.

- Take someone you trust with you. They can help remember information, ask questions, or simply provide reassurance if you're feeling overwhelmed.

- Write your questions down beforehand and take notes during the appointment - or ask if you can record the conversation for your own reference.

- If waiting rooms or busy clinic environments are difficult, ask whether there's a quieter place to wait or if you can arrive at a different time.

- Don't be afraid to ask the team to slow down, repeat information, or explain things differently. It’s important that you understand what's happening.

- Give yourself time to decompress afterwards. Fertility appointments can be emotionally and mentally exhausting, so try not to schedule too much for the rest of the day if you can avoid it.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. If appointments feel harder for you than they seem to for other people, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Fertility treatment is challenging enough without feeling like you have to fit into a system that wasn't designed with every brain in mind.

You deserve care that feels accessible, respectful and supportive. And you deserve to have your needs heard.

If you're neurodivergent, what has helped make fertility appointments easier for you? Your experience could really help someone else xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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17 days ago

I remember feeling this really strongly after our negative test after our first IVF cycle.

I felt devastated, and as much as I tried to explain, I felt like no-one fully understood why I was so upset over something I'd never had.

People that are fortunate enough to have never struggled to get pregnant, or needed fertility treatment to have a family can never fully understand the emotions we feel, so find your tribe.

Find those that fully get it and won't judge you for the thoughts you feel you have to hide.

The community on here is amazing, and I run a Facebook support group that is full of amazing people who do understand how you feel - you're welcome to join us - it's called TTC Support UK xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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22 days ago

Getting that negative result after our first IVF cycle was the hardest part of our fertility journey.

Looking back, I was so naïve about IVF.

I didn't know anyone who had been through it, so I had no one to ask for advice. In my mind, IVF was our Plan B. We'd do a cycle... and we'd get pregnant.

I never really considered what I'd do if it didn't work.

The reality is that, unfortunately, more IVF cycles end in a negative result than a positive one. That's why I wanted to share four questions that I encourage the patients I support to think about after a failed cycle.

1. What do I need right now to recover?
It's okay to grieve and take time. Think about how you've coped with difficult times in the past. What helped? Maybe it's spending time with people you love, taking some time for yourself, journalling, getting outside, or talking to others who understand.

2. What am I pleased I did during this round?
Think about what helped you physically or emotionally during treatment.
Was it eating well? Prioritising sleep? Acupuncture? Counselling? Talking to others? Taking time off work?
Knowing what supported you means you can carry those things forward if you decide to have another cycle.

3. What can we learn from this cycle?
When you're ready, think about your follow-up appointment.
Go with questions and find out whether there are any changes that could be considered next time.
This isn't about blaming yourself or your clinic. It's about making sure you have all the information you need to make decisions about your next steps. Also think about any changes you’d like to make for further rounds (more sleep, time off work, lifestyle changes…)

4. Do I need a break?
I know how tempting it can be to want to start another cycle straight away. I felt exactly the same.
But sometimes your mind and body need time to recover before making the next decision.
Only you know when you're ready.

Whatever you're feeling after a negative result, whether that's sadness, anger, numbness or complete overwhelm, please know it's normal.

Be kind to yourself. Take things one day at a time. And remember, you don't have to get through this on your own xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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a month ago

POV: You're sat wondering why everyone around you gets to plan when and how many kids they have while you're feeling like you have no control over your future.

It just feels so unfair, its just down to bad luck that some of us have to go through this, while others don't have to give it a second thought.

You're not alone in this, that's why it's so important to look out for each other xx

P.S. if you would like more support you can sign up to my support emails on the link in my bio, and you will also be sent a guide on 10 things you can take control of when going through treatment xx by @ivfpositivityplanner

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a month ago