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PALM.

@palmsprayer

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death doula, end of life planner, poet, side quester, dot connector, tendency to dissociate, in process, fluid
birther of @karmaklubllc

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excerpts from my Substack article : Suicide Diaries - A Community Project (link in bio to read more)

+ Oaklandddddd! I’ll be facilitating my Suicide Diaries Workshop on June 23 from 6-8 pm. Tickets are donation based starting at $20.

this space aims to put power back into the people by offering new perspectives, seeds, and action toward building a new world around this topic and mental health in general.

as things crumble, what’s rising up out of the ashes? my hope and intention is that Suicide Diaries is part of the rising. 🕯️

THIS WORKSHOP IS FOR:

🌷 QTBIPOC
🌷 BIPOC
🌷 LGBTQIA+ comrades/allies
🌷 ^ who are currently going through the suicide portal, who have past personal experience in the portal, who know someone who is, healthcare workers, etc.

WE’LL EXPLORE:

🌷 unpacking suicidality through poetry, writing, somatic practice, and ritual making through altar tending
🌷 guided meditations grounded in the elements
🌷 a suicide portal labyrinth activity: a somatic approach to embody walking through the suicide portal as a suicidal person, an institutional worker (healthcare workers, etc.), and community member using mindfulness emptying practices
🌷 ritual making through community altar tending
🌷 ways to hold space for suicide in your life (for & with others or yourself)

TO ATTEND:
🕯️ there’s only 2 spots left!
To join please fill out the RSVP link in my bio & pay via the payment forms in the link 🦋

SUBMIT TO THE ONLINE SUICIDE DIARIES ZINE: link in bio ♻️

OTHER WAYS TO SUPPORT ME:
🦋 I am a full time business creator — you can support me by purchasing from my shop via the link in my bio.
I make hand made/curated jewelry (mostly stainless steel), up cycled clothes, zines, and poetry inspired by the first gen viet american, queer, and or mental health related experiences.
🦋 donating 🫂 Venmo: palmnguyen / cashapp $firebender
🦋 subscribe to my Substack
🦋 interact w any of my posts to boost algo 💐

and remember to live, breathe, and shop slow. ♻️

Peace,
Palm

#fyp #mentalhealth #suicide by @palmsprayer

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4 months ago

this is the most vulnerable as I’ve ever been on the internet sharing that I am actively and consciously traversing deeper into the suicide portal.

on this day, I called a friend who reminded me it’s okay to just be in it. sometimes you don’t have it in you to “regulate”. I didn’t.

before even allowing myself to enter the portal, I was met with fear.

sometimes I get so scared to enter the portal bc it feels all consuming, & it very much is.

the suicide portal asks you to leave sanity, your people, the beautiful things that life has to offer at the door. then it throws you into the abyss, into the unknown of yourself.

I think it’s especially scary for me as I have journey’d the last few years working so hard to walk self out from 16+ years of being stuck in the middle of the portal, & to be thrown back in… i am met with thoughts like “does it mean I haven’t done the healing work?” “am I taking life for granted?” “am I selfish?”

my conclusion is no. sometimes one needs to go back into the portal to be reminded that sometimes part of life is to want to leave it & that is ok. sometimes my soul needs to traverse this part of myself to gain a new pair of eyes.

*I am more stable now after therapy + tools*
but I want to share for a few reasons:

1. the weight of the world is a lot rn, and this alone is a valid reason to enter the suicide portal.

2. to normalize in real time what entering the portal can mean & look like: u can be good one day & not the next & that’s okay.

3. I believe suicidality can serve as a tool— it’s about how u use it & how u see it. what is facing ur own mortality teaching u about u rn? what, if at all, did u value & does it still hold weight?

4. if you are also feeling the energy, you’re not alone. im walking with you. let’s talk about it openly, DM me. this doesn’t need to be an isolating thing.

5. I’ve been in therapy for 2 yrs+ & suicidality still impact me. Meaning sometimes u can do the “right things” & still be suicidal. I wonder how community can fill in the gaps?

6. Any portal u enter, u come out changed. I wonder if we framed it this way-keeping in mind time is not linear- what can it leave room for? by @palmsprayer

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8 months ago

3:33 AM is an Official Selection of @MSPFilmSociety’s 43rd Minneapolis St. Paul International Film Festival. Join us at The Main Cinema April 11 - 25 for #mspiff43

my film will be showing @themaincinema
on April 17 at 7 pm.
tix in bio. 🎟️ by @palmsprayer

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3 years ago

it’s suicide awareness month and although I’m not currently in the suicide portal, I am feeling the exhaustion & melancholy from trying to stay afloat.

I am not living in the condition where i can give to my art right now and i have had to make peace with that as i try to survive.

the biggest thing for me is trying to maintain the best quality of life that i can within these conditions and so far that just looks like living in gratitude that i am surrounded by folks who offer me grace for not having the energy to call / hang out / or show up. it looks like gratitude for access to clean water to shower and drink. it looks like gratitude for consistent & inconsistent income no matter if it covers the cost of me.

here are some of what has been on my heart, soul, and mind this #suicidepreventionmonth

thoughts? comment them below 👇

#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp by @palmsprayer

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21 days ago

i entered the suicide portal in February, and here’s some musings on the experience 🖤🌷

as i journey back out into the doors of life, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at my navigation through it.

doing tasks doesnt feel as dreadful. i can zoom in and out of my life without getting stuck in the past or future.

whats made ur soul smile this week? what would make it smile? comment below ✨

#mentalhealth #suicide #fyp #lgbtqplus by @palmsprayer

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a month ago

6 months in the suicide portal, here’s my fit checkity check while I choose to rise another day 🌷

I’ve been mindful of myself while in the portal and I can say that I’m getting to the outer edges of the portal these days — and there’s plenty of reasons why.

a lot of it has to do with finding the edges of life, where mini moments of death also meet me, and choosing to sit in it, with life

and as I develop the capacity to sit in it a little longer & release a little more, I am met with more ease surprisingly

washing the dishes has become less of a dread and more of a presence.

taking showers has become less of a pressure in my chest, and more of a pleasure to realign my mind and body with spirit.

reading has become less of a performative effort to “get better” or “take my mind off things” and more of a journeying into new worlds.

even scrolling through socials has become less of a stagnancy, and more of a joy to watch the videos my friends send me bc they thought I’d find it funny, and then I get to laugh for hours. it’s become less of a drain and more of an intentional effort to use the apps to feed me instead of me feeding it.

I look at people in their eyes and genuinely listen when they share about their day instead of looking past/through someone.

all of these are mini contributors and indicators toward a drastic improvement in my mental wellness for the time being, leaving room for crash out moments, sad/angry days, days where I feel the exact opposite of all the stated above.

which as I contemplate my mortality, I learn a lot of living is about the smallest things & staying present in the pleasures of it all.

leaning deeper into the laughs.
stretching my smile and body a little wider and bigger.
literally stopping to smell the roses.

bc im in the practice of letting go of the binary & judgements of being out or inside the Suicide Portal, it now offers me space to exist along the spectrums and margins. to play.

lately I’ve been sitting with the quote “you have to be an active participant in your own life”.

in the margins of me, i think I am in the season of being an active participant now. 🌷 by @palmsprayer

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2 months ago

I am slowing down.

I’ve been working on the Glory to Gods in Drag collection + Suicide Diaries workshops + doing soul/healing work + in the suicide portal + grieving since November 2025.

and I have been wiped out since July.

since the beginning of KARMAKLUB, I have been in reflection on how to operate it with slowness & intentionality, and in challenging disposability culture, that means I do not treat myself disposable either.

Just bc I can’t meet my standards when I have more energy does not mean I am invaluable. I don’t need to be punitive toward myself, that is part of what disposable culture is and does. It creates a norm of punitivity.

However I am still valuable even when I have less energy, even when I am resting, even when I am not producing anything.

KARMAKLUB has always operated in the margins.

To practice challenging disposability culture isn’t just with others, it always starts within.

KARMAKLUB and my healing journey has always been intertwined.

a wise therapist once reminded me that it’s not that my intention isn’t there, it’s about my energy levels.

She told me this 4 years ago. I have been spending the last 4 years trying to practice how to nurture my capacity instead of punishing myself for not having more energy.

So I’m slowing down. Vending less. Tending to my internal & enjoying my life this month & resting more.

Tho in this moment of rest doesn’t mean I’m halting creating, it’s just about redirecting where I share my creations w prioritization of listening to my body through it all.

It also means I would love more online orders! It’s my fav bc then I can go at my own pace to create made to order’s - much more sustainably with my lifestyle I’m entering into.

Plz check my website to support me that way 🌷

I’ll be back to sharing more, inconsistently or consistently or maybe just intentionally, soon. 🫂

where to find me soon 💋 —

@dearjohnshop in Oakland, CA
@madestudio.co in Sacramento, CA by @palmsprayer

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2 months ago

I have spent my entire life trying to mold myself into others boxes and expectations of me and I am at a turning point of refusing to do that any longer. It is simply not sustainable.

When I stop to think about who is supporting me, can see the vision I’m creating, vs. who doesn’t — the numbers are thin.

Meaning it’s few people who don’t support me, but those few people also equally mean the world to me and that is heart breaking in ways I am still processing.

However, the more I allow the thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and stories of others shape me , the more off track I become.

I crash out about once a week now because I’m not where I want to be, but I still see the vision of where my life is going. And that keeps me going.

I may not have all my prayers answered but I am still living in an answered prayer.

I have so many more days of not believing in myself than I do believing in me and on those days this is how I remind myself. I crash out, I fight the thoughts, i let what does not serve me go, I reframe, and keep it pushing.

Imma make it out the way I want to make it out. Not by anyone else’s standards or definitions of success, my own.

Thank you to those who have supported me along my journey. Thank you for those who dm me to keep going, those who see the bigness I am creating, and the blueprint that is still coming together slowly.

Honestly I don’t know what KARMAKLUB is going to turn into most days, but I know it’s the vehicle in which my definition of success lays.

And I keep it pushing. We move, we pivot, we crash out & we get back up before the day ends. Everyday everyday everyday ✨

#fyp #mentalhealth #motivation by @palmsprayer

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2 months ago

the fit vs. the market 🫡

#fyp #jewelry #fypシ #vending #vendormarket by @palmsprayer

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2 months ago

titties ft. KARMAKLUB attire 🫡

featuring:

💿 green agate necklace
💿 skeletal bull earrings
💿 adjustable rings
💿 lucky coin necklace

#fyp #jewelry #lgbtqplus #queerfashion by @palmsprayer

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2 months ago

when i say I’m a slow, intentional art maker and story maker, this is what i mean.

with every purchase from the Glory to Gods in Drag collection comes with you the story behind it.

poems, quotes, reflections, all around my personal experience with my queerness.

created, cut, and folded by yours truly 🌷

link in bio to shop Glory to Gods in Drag now 🏳️‍🌈

#fyp #lgbtqbusiness #lgbtqartist #pridemonth by @palmsprayer

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2 months ago

the fit vs. the market 🏳️‍🌈 glory to gods in dragggggg. out now. link in bio ✨

#fyp #vending #vendormarket #fypシ #lgbtqplus by @palmsprayer

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3 months ago