Instagram story viewer> @patrick_mcwoofer> Posts

Patrick_McWoofer

@patrick_mcwoofer

741

posts

7.8K

followers

4357

following

I is Patrick McWoofer. Floofy icon. Snack hunter. Chaos creator. Mr Pigs enthusiast.

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

Download All

I didn’t choose da luxury life… da luxury life saw me, Patrick, saw me floof, saw me standards,
and said: ‘Yes. He deserves the Dyson.
Dem pawrents can simply… cope.’

Is da dogs life a breeze fur you too furiends? 🪭

🔥🔥🔥

#tongueouttuesday #heatwave #dyson #fan #goldendoodle by @patrick_mcwoofer

303

161

2 months ago

Just a dood keeping da kitchen safe 🤩

🧀 🌼 🧀

#bark #doodle #tongueouttuesday #security #mentalhealthawarenessweek by @patrick_mcwoofer

301

130

2 months ago

FECK OFF FRIDAY HAS ENTERED DA CHAT 🐾💥

Dis one is fur sum of dem grow wiv me accounts (not all) …. so you follows, cos we is all in dis together, and den—BAM—immediate unfollow.
Sir. Madam. Explain yaself.

And fur dem ones dat go “you is so cute, follow me and I follow you back … but dey gots 73 trillion followers and is only following 1.3 accounts…
Erm.
Your maffs is not maffing

Just stop.
Sit.
Stay.
Reflect on your choices.

Cos let’s be clear:
✨ We is all cute.
✨ We is all floofy.
✨ We is all funny.
✨ We is all interesting.

And to all dem pawrents including me mother out der in all da weather, waving treatos around shouting “WHAT IS DIS?!” or grabbing der phone at all hours to take a beautiful photo, a photo of der true love or an unhinged photo of pure chaos —
we sees you.
we appreciates you.
Keep doing you 💙

Happy Feck Off Friday, frens.
Now go be your excellent selves 💙

Who is you telling to feck off today?

#followers #feckofffriday #wereallinthistogether #friendship #friday by @patrick_mcwoofer

610

179

6 months ago

Feck Off Friday is back in da chat!
Do you know what can feck off this week?

Car insurance companies 🚘

Every year it’s the same performance

“Thank you for being a loyal customer. We really value your custom.”

Oh, do you?

Because your way of showing appreciation seems to be increasing my premium by roughly 6 million percent

I’ve had no accidents
No claims
No dramatic high-speed police chases
I haven’t even looked at another car funny

Yet somehow you’re acting like I’m personally responsible for every dent, flood, hailstorm and uninsured driver in the country …. Like why am I penalised for all the poor souls who drove into a Grand Canyon-size pot hole and fecked their wheels rims and other bits of their cars?

Then they have the audacity to end the email with:

“The good news is, you don’t need to do anything. Your policy will automatically renew.”

How thoughtful

So you’re telling me my reward for loyalty is paying hundreds more unless I spend the next three evenings comparing meerkats, opera singers and talking bulldogs just to get back to the price I was paying last year?

Absolute scam

Car insurance renewals!

You can feck right off. 🚗💸

Have you been stung by the giant nest of buzzy bees of the insurance world?

🚗 🚘 🚙

#carinsurance #renewal #feckofffriday #pothole #grandcanyon by @patrick_mcwoofer

94

59

2 days ago

Sometimes the best memories aren’t made on grand adventures… they’re made in da garden, pruning da roses with your little helper by your side. 🌹❤️

Meanwhile…

I is providing emotional support, quality control, occasional leaf inspections, and, most importantly… being supaw cute. 🥰🐾

Da roses will bloom again next year… but today’s little moments only happen once.

So take your time. Enjoy da sunshine, let your furry helper “supervise,” and make memories you’ll carry in your heart forever. ❤️🌹🐾

🌹 🌹 🌹

#photograph #rosegardening #memories #labradoodle #edsheeran by @patrick_mcwoofer

114

60

3 days ago

A wee piece of Wednesday wisdom

Life is to short to tiptoe through puddles
Charge in
Make a splash
Share da joy
Shake dat eau du pond water all over your mother

Life life like da back gate was left open
and the whole world called your name!

What’s da first fing you is doing when dat gate swings open?

💦 💦 💦

#wetdog #wednesdaywisdom #livelovelaugh #goldendoodle #mentalhealth by @patrick_mcwoofer

148

98

4 days ago

Squirrel hunting wiv me bestie 🐿️🤎

Everyone should know the joy of sharing a childhood wiv a dog

Da muddy adventures. Da secret games. Da comfort on hard days. Da unconditional love.

How to get back up after hard days
How to find joy in simple fings
How to keep going, tail wagging, no matter what life throws at you 🐾

Teaching dem kindness, loyalty, patience… and occasionally how to blame da dog fur missing snacks 👀🐾

Bet your pawrents can still conjure memories of der furst true woof 💛 Am I right?

🐾 🐾 🐾

#childhood #familydog #goldendoodle #squirrelhunting #grandson by @patrick_mcwoofer

128

76

5 days ago

If der’s a longer, bouncier way to get there… dat’s da route I is taking because apparently “running in a straight line” isn’t in my skill set

What’s your energy level today: sensible stroll or full Barkour?

🏃 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️

#parkour #goldendoodle #doggy #monday #mentalhealth by @patrick_mcwoofer

144

74

6 days ago

Me mother thought she’d gotten a floofy golden Labradoodle to be her bestest friend. Turns out she adopted a 75lb toddler with a pig-head addiction 🐷

Mother says please tell me your dog has an equally ridiculous comfort habit… I can’t be raising the only wee weirdo 💙

🐷 🐷 🐷

@petsukofficial #bringbackmrpig #piglove #goldendoodle #doodle #comfort by @patrick_mcwoofer

146

44

10 days ago

Mother says I have selective hearing…

I prefer to call it selective believing

“No more treatos” is clearly fake news until I’ve inspected the box at least 17 more times. 🤨🐾

Turns out I might not be a complete idiot…

…just slightly treato-optimistic. 😂

What’s da fing you refuse to believe until you has checked for yourself?

🍭🍡🍭

#haribo #treatyoself #goldendoodle #seeingisbelieving #dogsofinstagram by @patrick_mcwoofer

141

82

8 days ago

Feck off Friday is back in the chat!
You know what can feck off dis Friday?
Self-doubt!

You know, that annoying little voice that lives in your head
“Nobody’s interested.”
“You’re not funny.”
“You’re trying too hard.”
“What’s the point?”
Well, listen...

Am I da best dog out there?
Of course not.
Am I da best behaved?
Absolutely not.
Have I ever borked at a suspicious leaf, refused to come back when called, or accidentally inhaled an entire packet of ham dat I stole off da side? No further questions.
But do I wake up every day ready to post another masterpiece dat Instagram proudly shows to about six people?
Also yes

Because here’s the thing...
Whenever the Self Deprecation Society is inviting new applications…. We’ve already put ourselves down

And that’s exactly what self-doubt wants. It wants you to stop trying before you’ve even started. It wants you to believe you’re not good enough, funny enough, clever enough, or interesting enough.
Well, feck that
My mother will keep taking a trillion photos and videos that are perfectly imperfect
I’ll keep me mother busy doing talking in my voice
I’ll keep posting my little “masterpieces”even if the algorithm thinks they’re only suitable for me, Mother, three bots and a random bloke called Dave who keeps dropping into me DMs 🤭

Because I think I am worth the showing up and showing up for!!

And so are you!

Finish this sentence: “I’m showing up for myself because…”

💜💜💜

#feckofffriday #selfdoubt #mentalhealth #selfdeprecatinghumor #goldendoodle by @patrick_mcwoofer

153

85

9 days ago

Apparently “just move your own ear” was an option.

But after a gruelling day of napping, supervising absolutely nothing, relocating from da sofa to da floor den to da garden and back again, I simply didn’t have da strength

Mother had to intervene

It’s important to know your limits

Fill in da blank: “When I is dis tired, my mother has to ________.”

💤 💤 💤

#doglife #mentalhealth #shawshankredemption #stephenking #lazy by @patrick_mcwoofer

214

123

11 days ago