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Philippe Danielides

@philippe.danielides

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Happy New Year! 🌵🏜️🤠 taken in Big Bend National Park by @philippe.danielides

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6

9 months ago

I recently joined a community garden in Austin, and spent a good part of this past Saturday morning on my hands and knees in the soil, clearing out weeds from the fruit tree orchard.

The trees in the orchard are all mature and healthy trees, and so you might wonder (or at least I did...) why it would be so important to remove these relatively tiny plants and grasses from around the trees?

And what I learned is that, even though they look a lot smaller and non-threatening by comparison, certain grasses and weeds are highly competitive and can often deprive fruit trees of the water and nutrients they need to thrive.

Cool, Philippe, I'm not a fruit tree, why do I care?

Well, metaphors... in our culture, we're so prone to seeking out and emphasizing the tangible and visible signs of progress, that we often overlook or undervalue the invisible conditions that are just as essential to our success.

With the orchard, the visible ta-da achievement would be the healthy and well-taken care trees that have enough resources to "fruit."

But in order to do that, these trees don't only need good soil, water, and sunlight - they also need the ABSENCE of competing plants that could compromise their health and vitality.

Not so controversial in a garden setting, but let me ask you this - when was the last time you saw anyone on social media brag or be "pleased to announce" that they've successfully achieved the absence of something professionally that would've otherwise prevented them from reaching an important goal?

Maybe on your news feed, but not mine.

And here's the point - the health and vitality of your life and/or your career depend on BOTH the presence of certain conditions that support and nourish you AND the absence of other conditions (like certain relationships, tasks, environments, etc.) that would drain your inner resources

You may not get the praise and validation for removing them - and in fact, you might get some criticism for what looks to everyone else like "doing nothing" - but if you don't clear the weeds, you might not get to enjoy the fruit.

What weeds need to be cleared out?

Philippe
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#lawyercoach #lifecoach #bluepenproject by @philippe.danielides

32

1

3 years ago

As a native New Yorker and a lawyer, I spent most of my life in a hurry to get to where I was convinced (beyond a doubt) that I needed to go.

And the further out I could see, the more pressed and pressured I felt to close the distance as soon as possible and arrive.

Which is an experience that I imagine a lot of us may be familiar with - whether the long-term goal that's come into view is a shiny new career, or a certain lifestyle, or the distant finish line in a marathon.

And while there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a clear long-term goal and keeping it in view, doing so tends to come with some tradeoffs.

For example, the more focused we are on that distant point, (1) the faster we tend to move, and (2) the narrower our field of vision becomes.

As a consequence, we tend to notice a lot less about our immediate surroundings which blur into the background. (Not inherently bad, just a tradeoff.)

And for me, one consequence of focusing and hurrying toward my own clearly-defined and far-off future (married with kids in New York, a successful career as a law firm partner, etc.) was that I failed to notice all of the signs along the way warning me I was heading in the wrong direction.

Until it all finally caught up with me years later, prompting me to abruptly quit my job and leave New York and, for the first time in my life - proceed without the assurance of a clear plan and destination.

As you can imagine, it was incredibly scary and unsettling, and for months, I resisted and tried to wrangle a new long-term vision to work toward.

But no matter how hard I thought or time I put in, I could not see very far ahead of me - like on a winding path disappearing behind a gathering of old growth pines.

Until one day, walking in the woods in Oregon, I realized the gift that not being able to see too far ahead had given me.

With no place to hurry toward, I'd slowed down. And without a target to focus on, I'd widened my gaze and started to pay attention to where I actually was.

And found what I was looking for...

Philippe

#lawyers #attorneys #direction #clarity #careerchange #lawyersofinstagram #careercoach #lawyercoach #bluepenproject by @philippe.danielides

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3

3 years ago

Most lawyers I speak with will identify "risk-aversion" as the primary obstacle to pursuing what they actually want in their lives and careers. But in my experience, the biggest obstacle in their way is a lack of self-trust that's come from years of keeping all of their promises to others while breaking promises to themselves. Here's what I mean...

On my path to becoming a successful Biglaw #attorney, my attention was always trained on the needs and expectations of people around me. Because my understanding was that the way to succeed in life is to do what other people expect of you, and keep them happy.

Which essentially meant that my promises and obligations to my colleagues were mandatory, but my promises and obligations to myself were always optional.

And while this strategy helped me on my path to academic and professional success, when I looked back over my shoulder, what I saw was a breadcrumb trail of broken promises to myself.

And what that trail said to me me is that I could not #trust myself - because my word didn't really mean anything when I was the only one relying on it.

Which wasn't a problem so long as my primary source of #motivation was not disappointing or pissing off the people around me (often expressed by #lawyers as "I need to do this so I don't get fired"), but became THE single biggest issue when I began to make my own choices about the direction and focus of my life and career.

Because in that space, the only person I was making promises to about what I'd commit to, follow through on, work hard to achieve (professionally speaking) - was me. And the only person who'd know if I'd broken those promises - was me too.

Which meant that, in order to be successful on a career path where my primary motivation was working hard because I genuinely cared about what I was doing, rather than working hard to avoid pissing anyone off or letting them down - I'd need to rebuild that trust in myself, one kept promise at a time.

Because if you consider yourself risk-averse, and if it feels like some of the riskiest bets have been your promises to yourself, what choices are you going to make?

Philippe

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#lawyercoach #bluepenproject by @philippe.danielides

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3 years ago

It's not all on you, or up to you. Sometimes, in life, you'll just a passenger. And thank goodness for the mercy in that.

There was an evening in 2018 when I had tickets to go see a talk by Stephen Jenkinson about his (then) new book Come of Age, and also knew of an event a friend of mine was hosting in Brooklyn.

I'd really wanted to go to Jenkinson's event since a friend of mine had been raving about his work for years, but decided it was more important to support my friend, and so I got on the L train to head to her event in Bushwick.

But at the Morgan station, the train stopped, and we all literally sat there in the station for 30 minutes.

Until it was announced that the train would be turning around and heading in the opposite direction (as is the only real choice trains have), back into Manhattan - where Jenkinson's event happened to be... happening.

By that time, I'd missed the start of my friend's event, so I figured why not just "do nothing" and let the train take me to the other event.

There's a lot I could say about the consequence of that decision (if you could call it that) to essentially sit there and do nothing, but the extremely short version of the story is that attending that book event changed my life.

Without knowing anything about him or what the book was about, all I can say is that I found myself leaning forward in my chair for two hours and felt like I was in the presence of a true elder.

A few months later, I was up on his farm in Ontario, Canada with a small group for an apprenticeship, which essentially involved full days of farm labor and lectures in the evening. Loved it. lol.

And a few years later, I'd enroll in his two-year school on his farm, The Orphan Wisdom school, which I'll be heading back up to in May for the third session along with 60 other scholars.

Because one night, a train decided to stop, turn around, and head in the opposite direction.

And I decided to just stay seated.

It's not all up to us. Thank goodness.

Philippe

PS - Hi Homer! 🐶 by @philippe.danielides

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1

3 years ago

Some of you young-ins may not remember, but once upon a time in the pre-Netflix Dark Ages, a cabal of fascist TV network executives controlled what shows we could watch, and when we could watch them.

It was a difficult time.

But it was also a time in which it was easy to know which shows the networks thought were their absolute best, because those shows would air during prime time when people were most likely to watch.

Seinfeld didn’t air at midnight or on Saturday afternoon—it was placed in the heart of NBC’s prime-time Thursday lineup, because it was the network’s biggest and most important show.

Likewise, if figuring out what you want you want in your career and making a move (IF that's what you want) is a priority for you, I'd urge you to give its consideration a “prime time” slot.

In other words, my lawyer friends - if you want to make progress, you need to make yourself the Seinfeld of your own life.

Which means, not waiting to get to "your stuff" until the end of an exhausting day when all you want to do is lay on the couch and binge Netflix.

Or setting calendar reminders to get to it on Saturday afternoons—as if, after a full lawyer workweek, you’d actually be in the mood and have the energy to do this kind of introspective and demanding work.

Obviously, we’re all different, so only you will know when you’ll be at your best, and whether you’re giving your “What do I want?” show the “prime time” slot it needs and deserves.

But, in my experience, if you want to start to make real progress, that's what it'll take.

And if you're not sure what you'd do with that precious and limited time if you dared to make it, that's exactly what I wrote The Lawyer's Guide to Freedom for.

Click the link below to order your copy and make the best use of your prime time.

Philippe

#prioritization #timemanagement #clarity #progress #careergoals #lawyers #attorneys #lawyerlife #biglaw #careercoach #lawyercoach
#bluepenproject #thelawyersguidetofreedom by @philippe.danielides

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1

3 years ago

In my first year in #Biglaw in NYC, I started secretly moonlighting as a standup comic.

I loved the immediate connection with the audience.

I loved how writing material increased my attentiveness and sensitivity to all of the mundane things I'd gotten used to and made a habit of glossing over in my life.

And most of all, even though it was only for 6-8 minutes on stage at a time, I loved that I could say what I was actually thinking and wondering about.

Which I didn't really dare to do in my day job. ;-)

But, at 27 years old, even though I loved it, I was already telling myself that it was too late to really give #comedy a go.

And that if I'd wanted to pursue a career in comedy, I should've started when I was in college or my early 20s.

So, I eased up on writing and performing. And for the next 4-5 years, instead of really working at it, I dabbled.

To be clear, nothing wrong with dabbling or making a passion a hobby instead of your livelihood.

But even though I've found a profession in coaching that is genuinely meaningful and fulfilling to me - now, at 40 years old, I do wonder what I could've done with the THIRTEEN years between then and now had I not already been convinced that it was too late. Seriously, 27, too late? Wtf...

And that's really the point I want to make.

We all probably have at least one thing in our lives - a skill, a hobby, a language, a move, etc. - that when we think about it, we lament, "Ugh, if I'd only started years ago..."

And what I'm inviting you to consider is this:

The way you look back on that past version of yourself and wish they'd just "done the thing!" is the way that some future version of yourself will look back on you TODAY.

In other words, you are, right now, that possibility.

You have the opportunity, right now, to do the thing that, years from now, you'll WISH you had only gotten started on years ago, when you "had the time."

So, my question is - What is that thing your future self will wish you'd done today?

Share in the comments, and if you want some support or tips on how to get started, send me a message.

Philippe

#getstarted #momentum #procrastination #lawyercoach #lifecoach #bluepenproject by @philippe.danielides

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9

3 years ago

Looking for something more than a vacation? An experience that will have a meaningful and lasting impact?

Join us in Greece for The Garden - A 7-Day Experience Devoted to the Art and Practice of Living Well

Dates: July 15-23, 2023

Interested to learn more about this journey that will take you from the Ancient Acropolis to the beautiful beaches and philosopher caves of the island of Samos to the summit of Mt. Olympus to mystical Delphi?

Reach out today for details and to set up a brief intro call.

Enrollment is closing soon!

"You're going to be thought of and very well-taken care by people who have deep care for everyone here." - 2022 Garden Participant

Philippe

#greece #greece2023 #greekislands #summer #retreat #retreats #wellness #wellnessretreat #wellness #lawyerwellbeing #worklifebalance #connection #travel #grouptravel #vacation #relax #community by @philippe.danielides

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4 years ago

Vacations can be fun and enriching and restorative, but there are times in our lives when we need something more than just a vacation.

Times when we feel the presence of big life questions that we feel called to turn toward and wonder about, but don’t -- because we don’t have the time or energy or support to do so in our hectic day-to-day.

Questions like…

--What direction do I want to head in next in my life or career?

--What area of my life is most in need of tending right now, and what would that tending look like?

--What would happen if I said YES to what I genuinely want?

But while vacations may provide a respite from the grind and give us a chance to catch our breath (which is important!), I’ve learned that it is not inevitable that we will invite those questions to join us during our “time off”.

And often, we won’t, because they can feel too big and intimidating, or because we simply don’t know how to even approach them.

And while many of us will conclude that the reason we’re not making “progress” is because we simply aren’t up to the task of answering them (which is utterly demoralizing and disempowering) …

The truth is that what’s most often missing are the SUPPORTING CONDITIONS needed to cultivate that insight and understanding.

Because just as a seed cannot sprout and flourish without the benefit of good soil, water, and the space to grow -- our questions cannot sprout into insight and understanding without the benefit of good surroundings, people, and the space to wonder.

So, if there are questions in your life that you’re wanting to tend, my recommendation would be pay very careful attention to the conditions YOU need to do so. (Conditions – people, places, activities, etc.)

And if you’d like that to be done for you, so all you have to do is show up, my invitation would be to join us in Greece this summer for The Garden (July 15-23, 2023).

Please DM or visit the website in my bio to learn more.

Philippe

#greece #greece2023 #greekislands #summer #retreat #retreats #wellness #wellnessretreat #wellness #wellbeing #lawyerwellbeing #stillness #connection #travel #grouptravel #vacation #relax #community by @philippe.danielides

12

1

4 years ago

Such a gift for us all to be healthy and able to celebrate together in NYC.

Ok 40s, let’s see what you’re about. 🥳 taken in New York, New York by @philippe.danielides

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15

4 years ago

Which means that if you're looking for a job, there's a treasure trove of opportunity waiting for you on the other side of simple conversations.

I'm mentioning this because by far the most common source of anxiety and resistance I've observed from the lawyers I coach is to the "networking" part of finding a new job.

Which, if you look past the word itself, which we've loaded up with negative associations and fear, is really just the act of reaching out and connecting with another human being.

Of course, there are some best practices on how to do that well, and some things to avoid, but as a general rule...

As someone who has changed careers four times, and supported many others through similar transitions...

As long as you lead with openness and curiosity, most people are going to be more than happy to speak with you and help you, if they can.

Helping one another in our DNA, which is why it literally feels good when we do.

So, if you're looking for a job, or at the beginning stages where you're curious about what else might be out there, a simple step you can take RIGHT NOW is to find someone in your network who's in a field or a role that you're curious about, and ask if they'd be willing to speak with you for 20 minutes and share their story.

I'm 99% sure (lawyer habit, no 100% guarantees) that they won't bite, so what do you have to lose?

That is, besides access to the 70% of jobs you won't find on Linkedin or Indeed or wherever you're looking.

Philippe

#lawyer #attorney #lawyersofinstagram #biglaw #careers #careerchange #layoffs #jobs #alternativecareers #networking #opportunity #network #lawyercoach #lifecoach #bluepenproject by @philippe.danielides

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4 years ago

A candid of Derick and I leading one of our morning circles in Samos last summer.

Guess which one of us used to be the #lawyer?

The guy referencing his notebook with pages of notes, and post-its, and highlighted book...

Or the guy sipping his coffee and listening intently...

One of the benefits of being in community is the reminder that the way that you do things is not THE way.

Not because there's anything necessarily wrong with YOUR way.

But because we all have a tendency to get stuck in our own well-worn habits and strategies, and to forget that we have other options in terms of how to respond to the opportunities and challenges in our own lives.

And one of the gifts of being in an OPEN and SUPPORTIVE community is the opportunity to explore and experiment with different ways of being that may actually serve us better in our lives and offer us solutions to problems we've been stuck on for a while.

Like, for example, trusting yourself that you've prepared enough and putting down your notes.🙂

And wondering... where else in my life might I do that?

(Spoiler alert: a lot of places!)

Grateful to my friend and Garden compatriot Derick for modeling what that kind of trust and presence can look like.

Looking forward to some note-free Garden circles this summer.

Philippe

PS - Join us, link in bio to learn more about this year's trip (July 15-26) and connect, or DM me.

#greece #greece2023 #greekislands #summer #retreat #retreats #wellness #wellnessretreat #wellness #stillness #slowdown #connection #travel #grouptravel #vacation #relax #community taken in Samos, Greece by @philippe.danielides

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4 years ago