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Profuseli

@profuselii

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A blip blop in time.

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That's all folks by @profuselii

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9 months ago

by @profuselii

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4 months ago

Gangsta shit 🤙

Also got chased by a cat, true story

Gentle baby, sweet baby 🐻

Bestest boy in the whole world ☹️

P.S. 😞 😓

If you're police, this is AI by @profuselii

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4 months ago

I have a lot of questions, and not a lot of answers, and I want to talk about everything. I want to say everything. I want to write, and speak, and tell everyone everything I know. It's a new urge. Well not really, but perhaps, it too has been accumulating. Even as I write this, I can see the analysis of the analysis of my perspective, the insecurities, the pride, the concerns, the drive, the faith. All of me that goes into my writing.

I cried midway. You'd think emdr would have fixed me fully. You cannot out-heal 30 years of your life in 1 year. Though 15 years of therapy did see me through. I wonder sometimes, how necessary it was or wasn't. I'll probably write about that some time. I feel rusty, and I haven't written short stories or narrative essays in a while.

I'm excited to write a short story the most. We'll see.

#writing #personalessay #writingagain #writingart by @profuselii

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a month ago

To hope.

Today, we survived.
Tomorrow, we live.

To hope.

May all my foxes be tamed.

#time #ants #steps by @profuselii

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13 hours ago

I believe the following always find me:

1. The right book, when I need a shift in perspective
2. The right Taylor Swift song to get me through whatever I'm going through.

Maybe it's something you've said, or something I've read, or something I've heard; to have tawakul.

Expect the best from God.

It's not that I don't, I keep existing like cigarette smoke just before it disperses into non existence.

--

#nostalgia #past #writingprose literature by @profuselii

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21 days ago

I put food out for cats and was hoping to see one but none came, and I felt upset and cursed no joke. I felt unlucky because I haven't really been able to spend time with cats recently, but then after about half an hour, not one but two cats showed up, and they were friends, which is extra points.

I know that doesn't seem like anything, and I suppose it's not for others, but what I wanted to share with you all is what it made me think about.

See, here I was doing something, hoping for something, and it didn't happen, and I felt disappointed. But then I waited without waiting, I got busy with other things, and when I looked again, there was more in that spot than I even expected.

The concepts of Sabr and Tawakul keep finding me. Do the thing, forget you did it, when you return, you'll see what has grown in its place.

Or something like that.

That's kind of how life works. A day at a time, that's what ants taught me, and to wait, that was a reminder today.

Do, and wait.

A day at a time.

Hmm, oh well.

#thoughtsoftheday #tawakul #patience #lifelessonslearned by @profuselii

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8 days ago

How I revel in the ramblings of my mind. The most joyful experience in existence is of my solitude, my ears plugged in. I hear nothing but my words, and I write them. It's a delightful affair, or so it feels, like I'm someone who cheats and finds it to be thrilling, like I'm getting away with something I'm not supposed to.

After months of being depressed, it's nice to feel something new.

Are we thanking the harvest moon for this?

#harvestmoon #ramblings #writing #prose #fullmoon by @profuselii

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23 days ago

I love you bird.

#birdphotographý #birdwatching #photography #birdsonearth by @profuselii

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8 days ago

I feel like myself again, seeking constant shelter in solitude. I love people, and I'm, I hope I am correct in this, loved back. I look at the daily harshness they have to face, and how a well placed compliment can make their day, so I compliment them. But then they see me again, and do not speak to me. I wonder about it. I find out it is because the compliment I gave made them feel as though I was mocking them, because apparently it's something they're shy about, and eventhough they would love to be complimented on it, doing that very thing means you have done something wrong.

I go through life like this. Stitched all wrong. Saying the thing the wrong way. I was born incorrect, apparently.

I learnt something else. I am not easy to love. I'm adored easy, not loved. But somehow eventually, if they stick around long enough, I suppose people start trusting the sincerity? Is that what it is? I don't quite know, and frankly it's nothing that keeps me up at night.

But I wonder, sometimes. After a social setting, how interesting everything is, and my interest in analysis is just that, it keeps my mind happy. I don't care to do much with my observations of the animal that is human. It is all so pointless, interesting and pointless. Is there a word for that?

That said, my solitude is the most sensual space to exist, for me. I could spend hours staring off into some horizon and when I come to, I'm back here, everything has changed. Because a lot happened just then, and I have no words for what it was.

I live in a world where the rules make sense, if your end goal was self preservation, social competition, or feeling a semblance of relevancy, well, yeah, that would make sense.

It doesn't.

I will now go put bread on the window and watch pigeons, they don't care about me, it's really nice, to be accepted in my existence, and to be completely irrelevant in every other way.

#justwriting #thoughts #reflection by @profuselii

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a month ago

I'm watching this documentary about Octopuses, and there's this one called a Coconut Octopus. It's the size of a fist, and will burrow itself into a coconut shell or clam shells to eat in peace and/or hide from bigger fish.

It's interesting to me that while watching it, I look at it with remark. It gets scared, hides till the threat has passed, and continues with its apparently quite short of a life.

I wonder why we don't give ourselves the same level of mutist observation. The anxiety I have, the absolute fear. My heart races like a thunderstorm. Is it not okay to run into the bathroom, or shut all curtains, or lock yourself in your room for the weekend?

Nothing else in nature seeks to fix this behaviour of ours with pills and cognitive behavioural therapy.

Maybe because there's actually nothing wrong with you at all. Maybe you're just born little in a way, because of your size, or circumstances, and you learnt to hide till it was safe outside again.

Maybe we don't fix this. Maybe we allow it. Maybe, we look at it with remark.

#anotheranimaliwishiwasandnothuman #coconutoctopus #thoughts #journaling #natgeowild by @profuselii

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12 days ago

The myth of choice is that everyone gets to have it, and the choices you are born with, you'll be blind to, till you can't choose anymore. Is that all there is to life, what you can, what you're allowed to, choose. Yeah yeah, I don't care. I write, so I write. Whatever, all my blood, I drank it with my hands, so now I must write, because it's all I have, this hand, this pen, that's all I have.

#quotesdaily #writinglife #wordswordswords #writerofinstagram by @profuselii

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a month ago