Instagram story viewer> @psychologyfocus> Posts

Ish Rajah | Human Connection | BSc Psychology (Hons)

@psychologyfocus

147.8K

followers

3

following

🫂 Unpacking the Psychology of Human Connection
🤠 Founder: @ismaeelrajah
👇🏽 Courses, 1:1, Newsletter and Events.

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

Follow @psychologyfocus to understand yourself.

You got what you wanted and felt good for a moment.

Then the emptiness came back.

This is called hedonic adaptation.

Your brain adjusts to every new normal, moving the target as soon as you arrive.

The system evolved to keep you striving, not satisfied.

Dopamine spikes during anticipation, not achievement.

This is why the next goal always looks like the answer but never feels like one for long.

The key insight is that lasting satisfaction comes from presence, connection, and engagement rather than accumulation.

Mindfulness and grounding practices interrupt the brain’s focus on what’s missing.

Gratitude reactivates the reward system for what you already have.

Experiences and relationships bypass adaptation in ways that objects cannot.

Understanding this changes how you spend your days.

Follow @psychologyfocus to find lasting calm.

Further Reading:
Brickman, P., & Campbell, D. T. (1971). Hedonic relativism and planning the good society. In M. H. Appley (Ed.), Adaptation-level theory: A symposium (pp. 287–302). Academic Press.
Gilbert, D. (2006). Stumbling on Happiness. Knopf.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin Press.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #HedonicAdaptation #Mindfulness #Gratitude by @psychologyfocus

10k

300

9 months ago

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

The person you become while travelling is the person you are actually capable of being.

Travel removes you from the environment that shaped your habits.

Without the usual cues, your brain stops running the same loops and you get access to parts of
yourself that home kept dormant.

You talk to strangers more easily, try things you would normally avoid, and feel curious instead
of closed.

This is who you are when your environment stops telling you who to be.

The problem is that returning home reactivates old cues.

Your brain recognises the environment and pulls up the matching behaviour.

Staying expanded requires changing your context deliberately, introducing novelty, and curating
who you spend time with.

The openness you felt abroad already lives in you.

Home does not have to bury it if you stop letting it run on autopilot.

Follow @psychologyfocus to stay expanded.

Further Reading:
Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2007). A new look at habits and the habit-goal interface. Psychological Review, 114(4), 843–863.
Gilbert, D. (2006). Stumbling on Happiness. Knopf.
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #TravelMindset #PersonalGrowth #BreakThePattern by @psychologyfocus

37k

400

8 months ago

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Exercise helps with anxiety, but not all exercise works the same way.

Moving with other people triggers a different response in your brain than moving alone.

Your nervous system evolved expecting movement to happen in groups.

When you exercise with others, your brain releases more oxytocin, lowers cortisol, and registers
a sense of belonging.

That combination reduces anxiety in ways solo workouts can’t fully replicate.

You don’t need a big group or intense conversation.

Just being in the same space, doing the same thing, is enough to shift your brain out of threat
mode.

The worst combination for mental health is sitting alone for long periods.

If that describes your daily life, scheduled group movement becomes essential.

Your brain won’t get what it needs by accident.

You have to build it in.

Follow @psychologyfocus to move better.

Further Reading:
Ewuzie, Z., Ezeano, C., & Aderinto, N. (2024). A review of exercise interventions for reducing anxiety symptoms: Insights and implications. Medicine, 103(41), e40084.
Marinelli, R., Parker, A. G., Levinger, I., Bourke, M., Patten, R., & Woessner, M. N. (2024). Resistance training and combined resistance and aerobic training as a treatment of depression and anxiety symptoms in young people. Early Intervention in Psychiatry, 18(8), 585–598.
Ratey, J. J., & Hagerman, E. (2008). Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Little, Brown and Company.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #GroupExercise #AnxietyRelief #MindBodyConnection by @psychologyfocus

10k

128

8 months ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

These were older couples, followed for two and a half years.
The ones who felt more secure with their spouse also reported fewer negative emotions, alongside less depression.
Security was one of the things the happiest shared rather than the only thing, but it’s one you can actually work on.
Ask your partner when they last felt sure you’d be there, and listen to the answer.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Waldinger, R. J., Cohen, S., Schulz, M. S., & Crowell, J. A. (2015). Security of attachment to spouses in late life: Concurrent and prospective links with cognitive and emotional wellbeing. Clinical Psychological Science, 3(4), 516-529.
Lupien, S. J., Maheu, F., Tu, M., Fiocco, A., & Schramek, T. E. (2007). The effects of stress and stress hormones on human cognition: Implications for the field of brain and cognition. Brain and Cognition, 65(3), 209-237.
Sroufe, L. A., & Waters, E. (1977). Attachment as an organizational construct. Child Development, 48(4), 1184-1199.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #Attachment by @psychologyfocus

1k

46

a day ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

Adults logged their conflicts and hugs for 14 nights, then were exposed to a cold virus.
Among the people who got sick, more hugs went with milder symptoms.
The hugs were reported rather than assigned, so it’s a link, and a hug won’t stop a cold on its own.
In a relationship where you both feel safe, try being the one who opens your arms first after a fight.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., Turner, R. B., & Doyle, W. J. (2015). Does hugging provide stress-buffering social support? A study of susceptibility to upper respiratory infection and illness. Psychological Science, 26(2), 135-147.
Light, K. C., Grewen, K. M., & Amico, J. A. (2005). More frequent partner hugs and higher oxytocin levels are linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate in premenopausal women. Biological Psychology, 69(1), 5-21.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #Relationships by @psychologyfocus

649

47

2 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

Adults logged their conflicts and hugs for 14 nights, then were exposed to a cold virus.
Among the people who got sick, more hugs went with milder symptoms.
The hugs were reported rather than assigned, so it’s a link, and a hug won’t stop a cold on its own.
In a relationship where you both feel safe, try being the one who opens your arms first after a fight.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., Turner, R. B., & Doyle, W. J. (2015). Does hugging provide stress-buffering social support? A study of susceptibility to upper respiratory infection and illness. Psychological Science, 26(2), 135-147.
Light, K. C., Grewen, K. M., & Amico, J. A. (2005). More frequent partner hugs and higher oxytocin levels are linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate in premenopausal women. Biological Psychology, 69(1), 5-21.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #Relationships by @psychologyfocus

538

8

3 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

Ideal friendship standards tend to cover six areas, including give-and-take, fun, practical help, shared interests and closeness.
When a friend lets you down, name which of those they fell short on, since the friend who’s best for fun may never be the one for practical help.
These links come from surveys, so they can’t show whether rigid standards cause the pulling away or come from it.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Hall, J. A. (2012). Friendship standards: The dimensions of ideal expectations. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(7), 884-907.
Hall, J. A. (2014). Applying the ideal standards model to unmet expectations and satisfaction in friendship. Studies in Communication Sciences, 14(1), 20-28.
Somerville, L. H., Heatherton, T. F., & Kelley, W. M. (2006). Anterior cingulate cortex responds differentially to expectancy violation and social rejection. Nature Neuroscience, 9(8), 1007-1008.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #Friendship by @psychologyfocus

419

12

4 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

Researchers scanned people’s brains while they freely watched the same video clips, then compared how similarly each pair’s neural activity moved through the footage.
People who went on to become close friends showed nearly identical response patterns months before they’d ever spoken, with the strongest signal coming from the left orbitofrontal cortex.
A follow-up study found this neural similarity, measured before two people interact, predicts whether they grow closer over the following months.

Researchers call the pattern neural homophily, a matter of involuntary processing rather than shared opinions or values.
You weren’t agreeing with anyone on anything.
Your brain was reacting to raw footage the same way theirs did, long before either of you had a conversation.

A shared checklist still matters for building a relationship once it starts.
It was just never the thing responsible for that first instant spark.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Parkinson, C., Kleinbaum, A. M., & Wheatley, T. (2018). Similar neural responses predict friendship. Nature Communications, 9, 332.
Shen, Y. L., Hyon, R., Wheatley, T., Kleinbaum, A. M., Welker, C. L., & Parkinson, C. (2025). Neural similarity predicts whether strangers become friends. Nature Human Behaviour.
Hyon, R., Kleinbaum, A. M., & Parkinson, C. (2020). Social network proximity predicts similar trajectories of psychological states: Evidence from multi-voxel spatiotemporal dynamics. NeuroImage, 216, 116492.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #SocialConnection by @psychologyfocus

733

22

5 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

A weak, repeated signal normally fades the more you’re exposed to it.
A strong or emotionally loaded one does the opposite, growing louder each time instead, a pattern called sensitization.
Researchers studying what they named social allergies found a partner’s minor habit, left unaddressed, followed the second pattern, frequent exposure predicted escalating irritation and real relationship strain a year later.

Part of why it stacks so fast comes down to memory.
Each new instance of the habit can reactivate the emotional memory of every previous instance, so a single small moment ends up carrying the weight of the last ten.

Mentioning the habit once, early, interrupts that stacking before it compounds.
A specific, small request lands as information when it’s caught early.
The same request lands as an attack once ten unspoken instances are already loaded behind it.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Cunningham, M. R., Shamblen, S. R., Barbee, A. P., & Ault, L. K. (2005). Social allergies in romantic relationships: Behavioral repetition, emotional sensitization, and dissatisfaction in dating couples. Personal Relationships, 12(2), 273-295.
Rankin, C. H., Abrams, T., Barry, R. J., et al. (2009). Habituation revisited: An updated and revised description of the behavioral characteristics of habituation. Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 92(2), 135-138.
Bower, G. H. (1981). Mood and memory. American Psychologist, 36(2), 129-148.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #Relationships by @psychologyfocus

729

29

6 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

A team of relationship scientists ran a machine learning analysis across 43 longitudinal studies and more than eleven thousand couples to find out what actually predicts relationship happiness.
Individual traits like life satisfaction, depression, or attachment style barely moved the needle.
Relationship-specific perceptions, how committed you believe your partner is, how appreciated you feel, how satisfied you both are, and how conflict gets handled, explained far more of the variance.
Relationship-specific variables accounted for roughly double what individual traits did.

None of these five can be screened for on a first date, because none of them exist yet.
They only start generating data once the relationship is already running.

Auditing whether you picked correctly keeps your attention on a question your current relationship already answered the moment it began.
The five things that actually decide your happiness are still being shaped, right now, by both of you.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Joel, S., Eastwick, P. W., Allison, C. J., et al. (2020). Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies. PNAS, 117(32), 19061-19071.
Reis, H. T., Regan, A., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2022). Interpersonal chemistry: What is it, how does it emerge, and how does it operate? Perspectives on Psychological Science, 17(2), 530-558.
Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3-66.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #RelationshipPsychology by @psychologyfocus

956

106

7 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

A shared like tells a new acquaintance almost nothing about you, because most people like a wide range of things.
A shared dislike narrows it down fast, because far fewer people dislike the exact same specific thing.
Researchers named this interpersonal chemistry through negativity, and found the effect only holds for a loosely held complaint, not a grudge either of you takes seriously.

A separate study found attitudes that are statistically rare carry more diagnostic value about someone’s identity than common ones, part of why an unusual shared dislike feels more revealing than an unusual shared interest.

None of this makes complaining a relationship strategy.
The fast ease it produces is a recognition signal, rather than a finished friendship.
What turns it into one is what happens after, a second conversation, an actual plan, something beyond the shared eye-roll that got you talking in the first place.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Bosson, J. K., Johnson, A. B., Niederhoffer, K., & Swann, W. B. Jr. (2006). Interpersonal chemistry through negativity: Bonding by sharing negative attitudes about others. Personal Relationships, 13(2), 135-150.
Weaver, J. R., & Bosson, J. K. (2011). I feel like I know you: Sharing negative attitudes of others promotes feelings of familiarity. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 37(4), 481-491.
Alves, H. (2018). Sharing rare attitudes attracts. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(8), 1270-1283.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #SocialPsychology by @psychologyfocus

374

2

8 days ago

Follow @psychologyfocus to build a better, more authentic life.

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg named the setting modern life quietly removed, a third place, somewhere that isn’t home or work, where conversation is the entire point and nobody’s assigned a role.
A cafe, a class, a corner bar you keep returning to.

Research on amygdala habituation explains why repetition specifically is what builds safety with a new person.
Your brain’s threat response to an unfamiliar face fades with repeated, low-stakes exposure, and that fading process needs several encounters to actually finish.
One great conversation with a stranger doesn’t complete it.
Returning to the same room, with the same loose group of people, several times does.

This is part of why online interaction alone tends not to substitute for a physical third place.
It supplies conversation but rarely the repeated, in-person exposure the amygdala actually needs to recalibrate.

Comment ‘Subscribe’ and I’ll DM you the link to my free newsletter.

Further Reading:
Oldenburg, R. (1989). The Great Good Place: Cafes, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Bars, Hair Salons, and Other Hangouts at the Heart of a Community. Paragon House.
Adams, R. G., & Allan, G. (Eds.). (1998). Placing Friendship in Context. Cambridge University Press.
Plichta, M. M., et al. (2014). Amygdala habituation: A reliable fMRI phenotype. NeuroImage, 103, 383-390.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

#PsychologyFocus #Neuroscience #MentalHealth #Psychology #Friendship by @psychologyfocus

997

87

9 days ago