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Robert White

@robwhitemakesstuff

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Buy my book “I Have Dreams Where I am Drowning” ⬇️

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🤷 I have books again. by @robwhitemakesstuff

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2 months ago

I opened for David Sedaris at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre in Vancouver in front of about 2600 people last month. It was great to meet everyone afterwards, sign some books and shake some hands. I wasn’t terrified this time, so it was nice being able to enjoy the time on stage and “drink it in” during my 7 minute allotted time. I took some pictures and got some audio clips of the show, please enjoy them. I gave David Sedaris a copy of my book and that was pretty cool. I wish that 18 year old rob could have seen that awkward bit of business: Him trying to pay or it, me waving my hands at him in a dismissive fashion. The highlight was certainly seeing my old enemy Khang and telling him to go fuck himself. The true highlight was that Alex came from the island and hung out all night while I hob knobbed. We shared a kabob and even slept in the same bed together. Typical northenders. It was a great experience, not sure I’ll be able to do it again. Thanks to everyone that bought my book. Link in the bio, all that stuff. I’m starting work on my next book today which is fun because it’s a ghost story. 👻 👌 . Goodbye and thank you from a true bazooka dude. by @robwhitemakesstuff

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4 months ago

It’s been a minute since my book, I Have Dreams Where I Am Drowning, came out. I was going to make a post about it but frankly too many people bought it and it kept going out of stock.
I had an idea to put this book together on Canada Day in 2018. I was sitting in the back of a classroom and I thought “I used to write short stories, I must have enough for a book” and lemme tell ya I certainly didn’t. Lucky the pandemic happened and I was able to pick up writing in earnest and after a few long ass years I had enough for a book.
I learned a lot in the finishing stages of this book (like don’t write a book over the course of several years, one of these stories dates back to 2007 💀 ) and I’m very happy that it is out in the world and that this process is over. If you want to buy a copy you can find the link in my bio or visit my website.
Thanks to:
@theemilymenez and @lolofilm for some nice quotes for the back
@radreputation for layout
@kateandtheworld for incredible front cover
@petespress who had to proofread a story about squirting.
@slackjaw_humor @pointsincase @littleoldladycomedy @mcswys for being the catalysts for writing such short weird things.
Everyone who bought it, pirated it or would like to pirate it. by @robwhitemakesstuff

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4 months ago

So a while ago, through some ridiculous circumstances, I got the chance to open for David Sedaris. I had seven minutes to read the funniest/best thing I had in the archives. I even hopped on a plane to America for it.

That day happened to be the first snowstorm of the year. I had to cancel — and yeah, I was bummed. I remember buying dog food at Walmart at the exact time I was supposed to be onstage. As the French say: I was very depress. I figured I’d had one shot and blown it.

Months later, I emailed him on a whim to ask if I could try again — or if he even remembered me. He told me he was doing some Alberta dates and gave me two options. I picked Calgary.

I’d lived there when I was 18, right when I started devouring all things Sedaris. He was the comic voice I’d been searching for, and I didn’t know it until I heard him on iTunes Radio (I’m very old, sorry). I much of my time walking to work and back listening to his books on my MP3 player (again: old).

This time, I wrote something new — more personal, less “dumb make-’em-ups.” And honestly, I’m glad I missed the first one. I probably would’ve bombed. But thanks to a bunch of dumb little coincidences and big ones too, I got to have David Sedaris introduce me onstage in the city where, years earlier, I sat on a break from my job at Subway thinking: I should try writing something funny.

One last thing: David Sedaris is the nicest person I’ve ever met. He made sure I sound checked, got the same treatment he did, and went out of his way to let me hand out my promo stuff. Onstage, he was incredibly generous and said kind things he didn’t have to say.

If you ever get a chance to see David live, go. He’s an incredible writer and performer. 1)Me immediately after having not bombed, in fact in the glow of doing really well.
2)A funny clip of me on stage
3/4)The Bella theatre
5)The thing I read
6/7)Compare and contrast my dressing room and the subway I worked at
7/8)Some Calgary POV shots
9)best seat in the house (also it was sold out so there was nowhere else to go) More writing stuff coming in the future. Thanks for reading this long thing everyone. taken in Bella Concert Hall at Taylor Centre for the Performing Arts by @robwhitemakesstuff

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a year ago

Some news on the writing front: I’ll be opening for David Sedaris on his tour stop in Yakima Washington on Nov 20th. I fixed their poster to amend that. I’ll be reading some of my funny stuff out loud. They asked me what I wanted on my rider and I told them “almonds and two cans of Diet Coke” because frankly I’m on stage for 10 minutes and if you need more than that for 10 minutes of work you might be an asshole. I’m a huge David Sedaris nerd and have been since I was 17 so this is pretty cool for me and I thought I’d post about it. Anywho, keep punchin’ by @robwhitemakesstuff

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2 years ago