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Roel

@roelly_az

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Hello Phoenix!!!

In @mpact.global we are convening queer men of color living with HIV to build community in the Phoenix, AZ region.

Join us in this key opportunity to bring our community together to exchange ideas, discuss key topics, like sex, pleasure, and stigma, increase visibility, and empower queer men of color living with HIV.

Register using the link in my bio, spread the word, and see you on Oct 24th. 🙌🏽💅🏽🦄🏳️‍🌈 by @roelly_az

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11 days ago

I moved Instagram to laptop only and I think it is genuinely helping.
It started because I looked at my screen time and felt kind of stupid. Not, like, guilty or anything. Just practically stupid. Like, six, seven, eight hours a day and not a single productive thing came out of it. I was just somewhere, laying down, scrolling, calling it a rest day, which is not a rest day.
So laptop only. And what that does is make Instagram boring that using it stops feeling like a thing you do for fun. Videos people send me do not open. I do not have it when I am out. Posting is this whole process of transferring stuff from my phone to my computer. It is annoying in exactly the right way.
The downside is real though. I miss things.
But I genuinely do not think Instagram is bad. I do not. I have laughed a lot on here. I have met people on here. However, in an ever more virtual world, let’s focus on what’s in front of us.
#screentime #tiempodepantalla #foradatela #cdmx #thoughts by @roelly_az

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a month ago

The moments in my life where I have felt the least bad about myself are the moments I felt normal. When something I was going through turned out to be a completely normal variation of the human experience. When I realized I wasn’t broken, I was just alive.

Most things most people do fall squarely on a normal bell curve. Most of us are within the 95th percentile of regular human variance. We all feel like shit sometimes. Like we’re failing at the performance of being a put together person. And we know by now, after years of people oversharing online, that even the ones who make it look easy are probably feeling the exact same way. We have more evidence than any generation before us that nobody has it together. And somehow we still feel alone in it.

Sharing has always come easy to me because I know most people feel and go through most of the same things. And I feel brave enough to say the things out loud for the people who can’t. For the ones who need to hear someone else say it so they can feel a little more human. A little more normal

And if we all feel like a waste of space, like we’re too much, like we’re not enough, both at the same time, then maybe we should be giving each other a lot more grace. Room to be messy and still be loved.

#CDMX #CiudadDeMexico #MentalHealth #SaludMental #BeingHuman Selfie in front of CDMX sign and fountain, rust orange corduroy shirt, clear glasses, backpack taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

Once you decide you’re in, you actually have to be in. And that means doing the hard things nobody else is going to do.
For me that looked like taking on the conversations everyone was avoiding. The insurance nobody understood. The retirement that wasn’t being planned. The financial decisions being made by people who were being taken advantage of and didn’t know it. Not because anyone asked me to. Because if I didn’t do it now while I’m young enough and clear headed enough to figure it out, it was going to be so much worse later. And later always comes faster than you think.
I think after 25 you have to start seeing your life in chunks. What are you doing now, what are you building toward, and what problems are you letting pile up that are going to be ten times harder to deal with in five years. Aging. Money. The role you play in your family. These are not comfortable questions. But the people who ask them young are the ones who aren’t completely blindsided later.
Procrastinating on the hard stuff doesn’t make it disappear. It just means you deal with it when you have less time, less energy, and more at stake. And you’re too young for that to be your story.
Figure out where you stand. Then stand there fully.
#Familia #GenerationalWealth #ImmigrantLife #HardConversations #UnpopularOpinion taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

After about 25 you have to start figuring out where you fit in your family. And I don’t think that’s easy for most people. Maybe it’s easier if you grew up upper middle class with a close family structure, or if you were raised in a more traditional setting where the roles were clear. But for a lot of us, especially late stage millennials and early Gen Alpha who grew up in immigrant households or somewhere between two cultures, it’s genuinely confusing. You feel like a child and an adult at the same time. You don’t know if you should lead or follow. You don’t know what you owe and what you don’t.
And then social media added a whole other layer. Cancel your family. Cut them off. Protect your peace. And look, I’m not against that in every case. There are families that are genuinely harmful and walking away is the right call. But I also think a lot of us misread the plot. We held our parents to a standard they never even held themselves to. We judged people who came from extreme poverty, who survived things we will never understand, by the same bar we’d use for someone who had every advantage. And that’s not fair.
Most people are not in the extreme. Most people are somewhere in the middle. Mismatches. Hurt feelings. Things that were never said and probably never will be. And maybe you’re kind of the fucked up person in some of it too. That’s the honest version.
What I’ve come to believe is that the people who are most at peace are the ones who have actually decided. The ones who looked at their family clearly, with all the mess and history and context, and made a choice about what role they’re going to play.

#Familia #ImmigrantLife #LatinoCulture #GenerationalWealth #UnpopularOpinion Mirror selfie with family at a restaurant, tan button up shirt, clear glasses, wooden block wall background taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

We need to get a lot better at thinking about life in two ways at the same time. Micro and macro. How you judge something at the individual level and how you judge it at the scale of a movement, a culture, or a society. Because those two things are not always the same and treating them like they are is where a lot of us are losing the plot.
Let me use the 2024 election as an example. When you think about someone who voted for Trump, not a politician, not a pundit, just a regular person, maybe someone from a small town who has never left their state, who is working class, who is doing their best with what they have, calling that person a fascist is not productive. It’s not accurate. And it’s not fair. It took fifty million people to elect a president. Putting the full weight of that outcome on one individual person, directing your anger at them personally, is a micro reaction to a macro event. And it misses everything important about where the dialogue actually needs to happen.
Most people are a complicated mix. Problematic in some ways, generous in others. Your uncle who says things that make you cringe at dinner is also the person who would show up for you without being asked. Your neighbor whose yard sign made your stomach drop is also the person who checked on you during a hard week. Both things are true. The micro and the macro don’t always match up and that’s okay. That’s just how people actually are.
Where I land on this is simple. Judge the individual in front of you on how they show up for you and for the people around them. Judge movements, systems, and elections at the macro level where that conversation actually belongs. Don’t collapse one into the other. It makes you angrier than you need to be and it makes you less effective than you could be.
A lot of what I write lives in this tension between micro and macro. Sometimes I’m talking about one person. Sometimes I’m talking about a whole culture. And sometimes I’m talking about both at once because in this world they don’t always line up neatly. That’s the lens I’d invite you to bring when you read anything I put out here.
#MicroMacro #Politica #Politics #PensamentosCriticos #UnpopularOpinion Smiling at an art event, black Amiri sleeveless shirt, white shorts, drink in hand, rainbow LED light wall background taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

Sometimes you kinda need to be drunk. Sometimes you kinda need to be embarrassing. Sometimes you kinda need to show your ass because that’s just how it works. Life is like a plate of food. You’re gonna have your proteins, your carbs, your fats. You need the whole plate. The same goes for living. Sometimes you’re gonna do things that aren’t the best for you. Things that are messy and heavy. But you kinda gotta do it.

I’ve never been someone who watched life from the sideline. And that has cost me. A lot. But it has also given me something that no amount of playing it safe ever could, I actually understand people. Not from a book. Not from ideology. Not from a Ted Talk. From being in it. Fully. Messily. Sometimes catastrophically.

When someone comes to me on an apology tour after 14 shots and a bad decision, I’m not judging. Girl I have ruined my life on a random Tuesday for no reason at all. I get it. I’ve been there. I am the case study.

I do want to point out the one thing I do not play about is my job tho. My fear of being poor is so visceral and so real that it has kept me sharper than anything else in my life. No workplace drama. No half stepping. No doing too much or too little. Just working. Because that part I could not afford to get wrong.
Everything else? Fair game apparently.

But I’m still here. Still learning. And honestly still a little chaotic. And I think that’s exactly why I understand people the way I do.

#Malefasion #Messy #NightOut #Phoenix #SinArrepentimientos Selfie at a bar or event space, burgundy knit shirt, gold oval sunglasses, confident expression taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

I spent a long time judging my family. Judging the way I was raised. Judging the circumstances I came from. And what I’ve realized is that I was judging all of it against something that never existed.
I grew up thinking my family should have been the family I saw on TV. The one that takes you to soccer practice. The one that shows up. The one that has it together. And I was applying that standard to people who grew up in a village in Cuba where there was one TV for the whole community and the only thing coming through the radio every day was anti-American propaganda. People who came to this country and worked eight to twelve hour factory shifts at minimum wage just to survive. People who came from generations of you eat today or you don’t. You survive or you don’t.
And I was sitting there expecting those same people to pick up their whole life after a factory shift and take me to soccer practice. Like that was ever realistic. Like that was ever fair.
The truth is they were giving me the best that my entire lineage had ever given anyone. That was the peak. That was the most any person in my family line had ever been able to offer. And I almost missed that because I was too busy comparing it to a fiction.
I think DNA tests have become so important for so many people for exactly this reason. They force you to look at your life not just vertically but across time. Who were these people. What did they survive. What world did they come from. And suddenly the way your grandmother acts, the way your father moves through the world, the things your family never talked about start to make a different kind of sense.
We judge people against a version of life that has never existed for most of humanity. And when we do that to our own families, to the people who sacrificed everything just to get us to a slightly better starting line, we miss the whole point.
They did the best they could with what they had. And what they had was almost nothing. And we are here because of it.
#Familia #Gratitud #Gratidão #Raízes #Roots Mirror selfie in black distressed ripped sweater, light blue cargo pants, gold oval sunglasses, serious expression taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

Before Instagram, before social media, before any of this, everyone’s definition of perfect was the best person in their immediate community. The fittest person you could see. The most successful person you knew. Something visible, something real, something actually achievable. You reached for the moon and fell among the stars because the moon was close enough to see.
Then social media happened. And suddenly perfect became a global standard. Someone who is wealthy, fit, mentally healthy, in a great relationship, successful, present, calm, and thriving- all at once. And look, those people exist. But they are not the majority. For most human beings, life is sloppy, messy, and difficult. Everyone is just doing their best every day with what they have.
Which brings me to how I think we should judge people. And my answer is- don’t judge them against perfect. Judge them against the average of where they come from and the context they exist in.
Here’s what I mean. Take an older man from a low income community where certain behaviors like cheating, machismo, silence, survival mode are not the exception. They are the norm. They are the water everyone swims in. Three out of four men around him do the same thing. The women in his life have normalized it. It has been this way for generations. Is that a personal moral failure? Or is that just a person being average for where they come from?
I’m not saying it’s right. I’m saying that bringing the full hammer down on someone for being normal in their context is a strange kind of judgment. Grace exists. Context exists. And maybe the most useful thing social media could teach us — if we let it — is that perfect was never real. And average, in the right context, is just human.

#Contexto #Contexto #HumanNature #JustThinking #Hoesbelike Mirror selfie in white floral embroidered button up shirt, white pants, brown crossbody bag, gold watch, serious expression, home entryway taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

To this day, Jane Goodall’s passing is one that has marked me deeply. And it’s because I feel such an intense connection to this woman.
When I was a sophomore in college working in the United States House of Representatives, part of our job was going through a mountain of publications — National Geographic, The Economist, CNN — on top of handling everything coming in from our constituents. I remember one of my early months on the job, a National Geographic edition came in featuring her, promoting the documentary being made about her life. Something in me didn’t want to throw it away. So I read it.
And then I left work, rushed to an indie movie theater near George Washington University, and watched that documentary alone. It was one of the few times in my life I felt truly inspired.
Not because I care about chimpanzees and the environment the way she did — I won’t pretend otherwise. But because of who she was as a human being. The way she completely changed the paradigm of what it means to be human. The way she moved science forward. The way she carried on in her career and her life without asking for permission. She was the first. She was bold. She was courageous. And she never said no to what she believed in.
She is one of the people I have admired most in this world. One of the greatest humans of our lifetime. And I am grateful to have existed at the same time as her.
Rest in peace Jane Goodall. Thank you for everything you gave to so many people — boys and girls all across the world.
#JaneGoodall #Inspiration #Coraje #Coragem #Gratitude taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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5 months ago

I struggle a lot with my mental health. And I want to be clear — people hear that and imagine intense sadness. That’s not really what I deal with. It’s the difficulty to get up. The effort it takes to do everything I do. The constant pressure in my head. The anxiety. Always feeling like I’m going through it. My mind always craving has much dopamine as possible to stay afloat.
The version of me most people get is the best version. The one that shows up, that’s social, that pushes, that performs. And that’s real too. I come alive around people. I move. I go. I execute. But when I’m alone, it’s different. That’s when I feel it the most.
Every day there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to get up. It feels heavy, like a struggle bus of patches to keep going. But I still do. In great part because I don’t feel like I have another option if my goal is to be as successful and wealthy as I want to be. So I get up, I push, and I try my best. Because honestly, what else is there to do besides try your best and hope for the best, even if you’re a little messy.
I’ve leaned on numbing to cope. It doesn’t actually help. It just quiets things for a bit and then they come back louder.
Mental health is like anything else — no one can do the work for you. You can’t outsource it. You can ignore it, run from it, travel away from it hoping you’ll magically change. I’ve tried that. But it always catches up.
I share this because I think it’s real life. And I think it’s representative of how a lot of people actually live.
I’ve been going through it for a long time. And I probably will for a while. Maybe forever. But I’m still optimistic. I still believe in a future. And I’m still here doing the work.

That’s it.

#MentalHealth #SaludMental #SaúdeMental #GoingThroughIt #Phoenix Mirror selfie in olive green Psycho Bunny matching set, serious expression, bathroom doorway taken in Phoenix, Arizona by @roelly_az

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6 months ago

I’m a real big believer in homeownership. And in a world where everyone will look you in the eye and tell you it’s unattainable, I want to say that it is attainable. It’s just way more difficult than it’s been in many years — probably the most difficult it’s ever been. But the crude hard reality is you still kind of have to do it.
If you’re a regular ass person in a regular ass city like Phoenix, Arizona, you need to get into homeownership. Every ten years you delay, you’re losing roughly $100,000 in net worth. But here’s something I don’t think people talk about enough — the economy we’re living in is the most inclusive economy in history. It has included way more women. Way more minorities. Way more people it never included before. That’s a good thing. It’s also driven up prices for everyone. More people competing for the same assets. That’s just math.
I do tax prep on the side specifically for Cuban immigrants. And I watch people hustling in factories for $18 an hour, declaring every dollar from their Uber, getting their finances in order — buying houses. Sometimes intergenerationally. Sometimes in groups. They are not waiting for prices to drop. They are finding a way.
Meanwhile the news is telling everyone it’s over. And what that narrative creates is a generation of forever renters — people retiring with $100,000 to $200,000 less in equity. Get creative. Maybe your first property is between you and a friend, your family, or some combination you haven’t thought of yet. The American dream didn’t die. It just got harder. And harder is not the same as impossible.
As a 28 year old I’m gearing up to buy in 2027. So this year looks like fewer festivals, less going out, less travel. Not forever. Just for now. Because the only way through is through.
Don’t let the noise convince you to give up on this. Put your head together with people you trust and go for it.
#Phoenix #HomeOwnership #PropiedadRaiz #PatrimonioReal #BuildingWealth Smiling at phone at outdoor brunch, brown long sleeve, gold sunglasses on head, brunch menu on table taken in Downtown Phoenix by @roelly_az

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6 months ago