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@sadnsexy_

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ever wanted to know what it feels like to be right on the cliff of understanding
just for your nervous system to literally leave you hanging?
to be so close to touching freedom and tasting closure
only for your tongue to instead burst blood in your mouth and leave you gagging on the meaty grimy materialized dead futures that had been sewn into the skin of your esophagus since you first learned that to cry for nothing, you’d be forced to cry for something.
and you taste it like the roof of your mouth after burning it with super hot food because- you are greedy right? greedy for craving, for wanting, for mistaking emotional starvation for physical hunger, how dare you! you greedy bitch.
how dare you for wanting more than you deserve.
so take the skin and chew it. feel the spitball lumps drain under your sinuses and get stuck like a fish in a seagull’s gullet. fucking up the program, greedy.
well you green greedy- i guess you know.
now.
how to eat yourself alive.
hang in there. by @sadnsexy_

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a month ago

idk girl

you might find life

in your body just as sweet

as your mind does

in mine.

maybe you’ll find

a pretty rainbow blooms

right under your sternum

waiting for you to finally

let it go.

and let your sparkle

guide you

back into the heavens. by @sadnsexy_

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2 months ago

what do you see by @sadnsexy_

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3 months ago

the type to have panic attacks in the clerb. by @sadnsexy_

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4 months ago

by @sadnsexy_

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8 months ago

thank you for coming x

Shea Anya 💕 by @sadnsexy_

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6 months ago

mirror mirror on the wall
tell me when will it all fall
to its knees / as we pray
for it to stay that way
we rise and stand and we cry
to those whose lay keep us high
for granted i hope we dont
fall short of what gives us hope.
me 🌸 by @sadnsexy_

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9 months ago

what does a poem taste like if not honied and wet
as the 6:30 am air after you’ve bathed and dressed your mouth for First Breath? by @sadnsexy_

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a year ago

restarting my dream body campaign after a 4 year hiatus 🥲 im almost 30. it really is time. I want a more defined back, bigger guns, and a tighter torso. yes i love advice solicited. by @sadnsexy_

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9 months ago

a love letter to doing.

GUYS I DID A THING AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

I took a burlesque progressive class and the final showcase for @metropolitan_studios_ is April 11. I’ll be performing with my level 1 class in the late show at 9. 😩🤩😩🎉🎉🤩🥹😍😋🤭

I’m so proud and happy that I decided to do something fun again. plus! i got to learn from THE magnificent Lola Soleil @lola_lesoleil.

Link to tickets are in my bio under I DID A THING IM SO PROUD. 💋 MWAH! See yall soon!!!! by @sadnsexy_

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7 months ago

suddenly i am very aware of how invasive ive allowed my presence to be. and i even struggle saying “allowed” because- is this NOT what im supposed to do??! take up space and be loud and vocal and allow myself the dignities from being voice of The Voiceless???

fuck man, I thought that the day my therapist told me that yeah, I’m sad, but I’m definitely just really angry— that the day will come when I finally let it out and it would be a good one and I’d be free.

I learned to take my anger out on myself before I turned to writing and taking it out on Them.
my arms were haikus of ferality and fear, freedom fertilized with the droppings of someone else’s fucked up feelings. my heart bled like busted pens hanging open uncapped in my pocket. my veins weak spines, marrowless, seeping into bended page corner. yellowing.

I used to define myself on my well read nature. As many books as I’d read that earned me awards from my elementary school library, I’ve reread my past over and over again. i know IT inside and out. thru and thru. i ran myself through emotionally. i emit fumes. bare fumes. stenchy fumes. i was an engine that knew it could go an extra 5 miles if only I pushed the gas gently and rode her smooth, ice cubes melting on the cab and dripping down the hill- ghosts of endeavor under the 80* open skies.
what lingered was the pain, and not the accomplishment. not the nuggets of success found through emotional endurance, but the clunker result of well i made it.

numb is what happened. very angry. very angry. a deep deep deep volcano of fury.

when she erupted, i sent fireworks into heaven’s hearts. then i was intimidated by her heat, and i became the Northern winds- cooling the flames but never turned the boil.

i was charge of my cooling. i took the cheap way out by denying myself to me. i went too far with voice. but i needed her like a cane to a blind man. i let my ambition to use and not to be used leave me on the doorstep. like city humanitarians embezzling from the group homes.

id like to think that the woman i am is the one i identify with. the one that i need, she sits next to my volcano with marshmallows and a super mega HD firesuit, waiting for me. by @sadnsexy_

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5 months ago

remembering the last of us as having the chance to prove the best of us.
forsaking time to waste away in your bed, to lament and rue, you forgo all that created your soul in the first place.
the theme: ouroboros.
i keep seeing her in so much lately. maybe it’s time i listened. by @sadnsexy_

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7 months ago