Instagram story viewer> @sashaonlove> Posts

Sasha Peterson │ Tantra & Relationship Mentor

@sashaonlove

7K

followers

1127

following

Teaching you how to love without losing yourself.
Stay deeply rooted in yourself while opening fully to others, love & life 🌹

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

Spanish version of “Open to Love” 🥰

THURSDAY 15th October
6-8PM

$40

2 tickets for the price of taken in Nosara, Costa Rica by @sashaonlove

26

4

4 days ago

Telling your partner that they can’t sleep with someone else is not you honouring your boundaries.

We are all autonomous beings. We get to decide how we show up in relationships, what we do and what we don’t do.

So, if your partner wants to sleep with somebody else, they can.

Does that mean you should stay with them if they do? I really hope not.

But this is the difference between control and setting a healthy boundary.

Control says, “You will not do this. You will not sleep with someone else.”

A healthy boundary says, “I will not be in a relationship with you if you do.”

A healthy boundary is about what you will do, what you will tolerate, and what your limits are.

Control usually shows up in relationships because we do not respect our own boundaries.

We say we don’t want to be in a relationship with somebody who does X, Y, Z. Then they do those things, and we stay.

And then we try to change the other person. We try to change the other person instead of respecting our boundaries and choosing to walk away.

In my opinion, no one can really cross our boundaries.

We can only cross our own by staying in dynamics that are not healthy for us. by @sashaonlove

56

14

6 days ago

When you’ve told someone you don’t want to be in a relationship with them, but you continue to sleep with them, it’s important you understand your role within that dynamic.

So yes, it’s their choice if they want to sleep with you. We’re all autonomous beings. But you also need to be aware of how you are impacting them. The subtle power dynamic that’s happening.

They’re essentially on your hook, with the hope that by sleeping with you, maybe one day you’ll want to be in a relationship with them. And then the subsequent disappointment when that doesn’t happen.

And you might argue there that that’s not your responsibility. That if you’re clear about your intentions, then you’re doing nothing wrong.

And with that, you also get to ask yourself: what kind of person do you want to be?

Not that it makes you a bad person to sleep with someone that you don’t have feelings for, or that you don’t want a relationship with. It makes you human. We all have these needs.

But it can be way too easy to put our needs ahead of how someone else is feeling.

It’s important we don’t just convince ourselves that everything is fine just because we are.

How are they? How is this dynamic impacting them?

In all honesty, I feel like when you know someone has feelings for you or wants to be in a relationship with you, and you don’t feel the same, the kinder thing to do is walk away. ❤️ by @sashaonlove

1k

64

8 days ago

by @sashaonlove

15

2

10 days ago

Over the course of my adulthood

I have been TERRIFIED of being abandoned.

My dad left my family home when I was 15 and then my boyfriend died in a car accident 2 years later.

So safe to say that getting close to people, letting them know me, filled me with a sort of fear, that nothing else came close to.

At first I avoided relationships all together. I didn’t want anything serious, casual, sex, drugs, alcohol. I was grieving and could barely hold onto friendships, let alone anything romantic.

I was so consumed by staying afloat, that the thought of actually being with someone else made me feel physically sick (I still fantasised about it though, fantasy was always safe).

Years went by, and I began to dip my toe into relational pools again.

But I was still so terrified of being left. Somewhere in those years I had internalised (as many of us do) my dad leaving, my boyfriend’s death, to mean that something was inherently wrong with me.

And so I became so afraid that if someone saw me, like really saw me, they would reject me, and my worst fears would be realised.

So I hid myself. I relied heavily on alcohol, anytime I needed to socialise. And even then, I could barely open up. There was so much of myself I was hiding from myself, how could I let anyone else in?

I remember an ex of mine said (after he left me for someone else) “I didn’t even know you liked me”

That woke me up.

Over the next few years, I tried to put myself out there more, I was more honest, yet still carrying this weight of anxiety around abandonment.

And when we try to avoid something, we end up attracting it even more.

Man after man.

Abandonment after abandonment (that’s at least how I saw it then).

But the clarity that I’ve come to over the past year especially and really the main point of this post, is that each time I’ve felt abandoned, I’ve tried so so hard to stay.

I’ve altered myself, pushed aside my needs, my boundaries, disrespected my feelings, not listened to my body, overridden my intuition, because I so desperately wanted someone to choose me.

If they can choose me, it means I’m good enough
(Continue in comments) by @sashaonlove

36

11

13 days ago

by @sashaonlove

73

17

13 days ago

This was a few days ago.

I felt so much tension, heat, anger in my body.

So needed to release and decided to film it.

I let the emotion move through me.

And then sat with myself listening to what the anger was telling me.

In this situation it was about a boundary of mine that I had overridden.

I used it as guidance to have a conversation with someone.

Emotions are beautiful, and our body is incredibly intelligent. We just need to be willing to listen to what’s being said.

Not listening to our emotions is a beautiful example of how many of us lose ourselves within connection

When we hold shame around certain emotions, we can be quick to suppress them, minimise them or make them appear more acceptable, especially when in relationship with others

Many of us hold negative associations with anger in particular

We don’t want to come across as angry

So we pretend that we aren’t

We minimise what we’re feeling so that we don’t come across in a certain way

We pretend everything’s fine so that we don’t threaten connection

But I find it’s usually when we do this, when we are afraid of being seen as angry

That it ends up coming out sideways - we start acting passive aggressively or the anger builds up inside of us until it leaks out

Anger in itself is not the issue, it’s just a flow of energy

And I feel like the more we can welcome it and say things like

“I feel angry right now” and not be afraid that someone will be upset with us or that we’ll lose connection

The more we can allow the energy to be felt, to move, to be expressed without shame by @sashaonlove

30

19

15 days ago

SAYING NO TO SEX WHEN YOU REALLY WANT IT.

This obviously depends where you are in your life,

BUT if you’re anything like me and you’re ready to call in your person, your husband, wife, whatever floats your boat

I feel it’s so important that we are able to keep our panties on during early dating

As soon as we have sex/engage in too much physical closeness we become more attached

And it gets so much more difficult to see the person and our connection clearly

I recently had two encounters where I felt a lot of physical connection/ sexual desire and in both I said no to being more physically intimate.

Not because I didn’t want it. Believe me I did.

But because I knew that engaging in sex too soon would cloud my judgment of who the person in front of me actually was and the experience of the dynamic between us

When we take the time to get to know someone, emotionally, spiritually, we can create a much more secure base for something physical to grow.

Thank fully I stayed true to what I felt was aligned for me and both of those connections are now no longer.

The biggest thing I feel is how centred I feel within myself, even when these connections have ended, because I stayed in observing mode, I did not override myself and no strong attachment was formed ❤️ by @sashaonlove

29

4

15 days ago

How to Stop Losing Yourself in Love ⬇️

This is the through line of everything I do, in work, in life.

That balance of staying in deep connection to myself, while being open, available and connected to the world around me.

This is the work I help my clients with.

To stay in contact with themsleves, their body, their experience, their feelings, their needs, their boundaries, their desires, who they are.

While staying in connection, in relationship with others.

So that they are able to move through the world in a way that feels free, authentic, expressed, joyful, loving.

- expressing what’s real
- dancing when they want to dance
- laughing till their belly aches
- experiencing ease & confidence to be who they are regardless of the room they’re in
- naming attraction, feelings, needs
- following their yeses & nos
- experiencing desire & pleasure shamelessly
- cultivating a rootedness within themselves while having an open heart

And so creating relationships where they feel deeply connected to their sense of self & deeply connected to the other

Where they get to experience being loved for exactly who they are.

Photo credit to the beautiful @zuzana_dziacky So grateful, these are gorgeous ❤️❤️🤗🥰 by @sashaonlove

16

6

15 days ago

by @sashaonlove

13

1

16 days ago

We are human, which means we experience human thoughts.

“I don’t like the way my belly looks” being an example of one of them.

We don’t need to judge those thoughts nor do we need to listen to them & allow them to impact our behaviour.

We can notice human thoughts as they are and continue to show up as we are, freely moving & being.

It’s when we allow our thoughts, our stories to dictate our behaviour, that we go into states of protection & contraction, and energy cannot flow, our life force cannot flow, love cannot flow.

When our body is in a state of contraction, we are relating from that place.

We are more reacting from a place of fear, we try to control, manage, chase, people please, we pull away, we shut down, the list goes on.

To experience real intimacy, real heart-centred connection, our body needs to feel relaxed, safe, and open.

The more we experience freedom within ourselves, our bodies, our expression, the more open, connected & alive we feel and so the more we get to show up in that way with others.

Coming into more bodily freedom has been a game changer for me, in terms of how I show up in my relationships, intimacy, and life.

If you’re craving deeper intimacy, more openness, more aliveness, more love- this is for you.

On October 11th, I’m holding a free masterclass - where we’ll explore how the body is the doorway to the intimacy you desire.

Comment “Intimacy” ❤️ by @sashaonlove

47

8

17 days ago

Let’s get intimate

3 week mini course

Starting October 11th

For the ones ready to experience more joy, more love, more aliveness, even without a partner

I yearned for a partner for so long

And so at some point I asked myself what was I hoping to experience

Love, joy, bliss, connection?

And then I realised that I could allow myself to experience all of that on my own.

And this doesn’t mean close off to relationships with others

Because we also need to be open to others to be able to experience this state of being

I have never felt more happy within my life and myself and I know it’s from this state that I will attract the right person, whenever that time may come ❤️ by @sashaonlove

18

2

19 days ago