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“God gives His toughest battles to His strongest warriors” implies that He makes some people strong and some weak. It implies He made you strong just so He could give you an incredibly difficult life. Like the only reason you’re strong is so He could make your life difficult. Or the only reason your life is difficult is because He made you strong. Like it’s trivial. Or that He’s punishing you for what He created.

And maybe that’s how it is, I can’t know. But it’s not helpful for me to think of it that way. It gives me more peace to think that God is cracking me open to make me better from the inside. Not because I’m strong, but that He wants me to be better. I’ve said several times before “God, crack me open,” and then I’m always shocked at how hard He does. I don’t know how that relates to other people. Maybe they can’t handle the breaks, maybe they’ll just get it later, maybe they need lots of small cracks instead of being shattered (over and over). Or maybe some people wouldn’t become better even if they were shattered, maybe they’d become worse. A lot of people don’t survive the shattering. I don’t know and I’m not too focused on finding out because I’ll never understand the extent of how others are cracked open too. But at least I can hope for a little bit of purpose in my breaking. It’s how a saint is made, not that I think I’ll ever become saintly or would even want to be.

But still, He really did say I’m His strongest fucking warrior huh by @schizoiscool

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2 years ago

27 years around the sun, 7 on T. Lots of love around me and within me. My body heals and deteriorates and grows and changes with who I am on the inside. I can control so much of it and so much I can’t. It’s all the tremendous love and care around me that’s getting me through it all. by @schizoiscool

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2 years ago

Share a little joy for your hearts by @schizoiscool

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2 years ago

by @schizoiscool

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3 years ago

Holding pain, hope, exhaustion, and yearning as one. Leaning into Holy Week. by @schizoiscool

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3 years ago