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plagued by visions
𓆝 𓆛 belau guåhan 𓆛 𓆞
writing / producing at @nihiindigenousmedia
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[when a. lenker said
counting time as time counts me, the river to the island] 

it feels the same as it did when i was 5 and 12 and 19, waiting for you guys to come through and make everything louder and funnier and better. i still wanna impress my older cooler cousins. i still wanna spoil the nieces and nephews and baby sibs. all the summers start to blur, blue-green and yellow. survived the heaviness of a decade and we get to settle into the micronesian dream. compounds and pilot whales and weddings. in guaiya hamyo. come back soon 🩵 by @siobhonm
5
3 months ago
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round face nosy ass attention-seeking solitary orange twin iktr #thoughtdaughter by @siobhonm
31
4 months ago
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hagu i inan i langhet / o pulan klaru yan gatbo
ai na’silensio na puengge / un alibia i piniti-hu by @siobhonm
4
4 months ago
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all these 31 yr olds do is gallivant and gossip with their nieces damn!! taurus szn up 10000 sponsored by ryobi fan and duct tape and my fave bday gift of all time (the KUX hat from gav duh). wow i love this year i love being a millennial young ho if they dont play that new kehlani tpain in the club im suing 🌊🎂☁️🌵💌🥂💃🏽 by @siobhonm
39
5 months ago
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patron saint of playing the long game. if i have the numbers right, my mom moved 13 times before she turned 20. my dad, 6 times. they got married in 1985 and since then lived across 3 mariana islands in 15 different homes. they never stayed further than this ocean because they never wanted to. the micronesian dream is a room that can fit 3 generations. 

on my dad’s birthday i think about the sisyphean effort it takes to resist your own displacement. it used to depress me. i wanted to say i was from a village without any qualifiers about where we live now even though we claim ___ because if your house was as old as the war it meant your family was more rock than sand. but not all places can be returned to. 

i can probably pinpoint much of my radicalization to one of my dad’s many construction sites. in the chamoru buildup, there’s always some shit to clean and renew. prep the classroom strip the walls mix cement lay the tile. lose it all to a typhoon. lose it to a buyer or a death or a half decade of slow infestation. fog it demolish it fuck it. rip the evic notice off the door. tell them don’t bother coming back. everything can start over if you’re the ones staying. 

as my dad says, “i made that, prim” by @siobhonm
8
6 months ago
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[for those born in the sign of seige 
..
every death / even if anticipated / is a first death 
so how can i see a moon / sleeping beneath each stone]
—darwish, the butterfly’s burden
•
in 1975, my mom goes with her highschool senior class to help serve food at the asan camp — one of the many tent cities where 110,000 vietnam war refugees will pass through guam before being relocated onward. when i ask my mom what she remembers of the camp she says mostly that the saigon kids looked like our cousins.
•
america dreams of war, fills the sky with ash and metal. america goes to the moon, goes to the east, goes to your house. every sovereign line can be eroded with enough fire, with enough flood. 
•
we’re meant to only flinch when it comes here, to invent a meaningful difference between asan and rafah like we wouldn’t remember holding the displaced. we’re meant to be wary of nuclear tyranny, to forget the red sky falling over rongelap in the marshalls and all of micronesia bleeding. we’re not meant to mourn any of it.
•
[They don’t look behind them to bid exile farewell, 
since ahead of them is exile, and they’ve intimated the circular road, so there’s no ahead and no behind, and no north and no south.] —darwish
•
soemtimes i feel like no american should be allowed to look up at the sky until they free it, until they too feel denied of history and future. i know we have to build something new instead. i dont always want to. by @siobhonm
8
6 months ago
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taimanu gi tano’ taiguihi gi langet 
••
taiguihi tutuhon-na pa’go yan i manaihinekkok na ha’ani
••
in the tatan mami and u matuna i think about prayers of emancipation. [on earth as it is in heaven. if our land was as free as the sky. if it were as it was in the beginning — now and beyond time.] 

in sigatoka, we sit in a circle and talk about collapse. we’ve been asked to discuss collective care, the logistics of nurturing movements in the middle of war and imperial expansion. a fijian sister recounts the years during the coup, her queer cousins used as target practice for a cruel militia, a nation rebirthed and fractured. a bloody independence. auntie mere shows us how to weave ribbons and we mostly make a mess. in tonga, joleen harvests flowers and adorns her trans sisters with regalia because dignity is a form of protection. in west papua, there are empty places that only belong to the exiled. the land lies in waiting. the future watches us from the sky. we ask it to come down — swift and clean. 
••
when i say chamoru buildup im dead serious.
taiguenao mohon by @siobhonm
4
7 months ago
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i just want
four walls and adobe slabs
for my girls
:: 
🌧️🏡💌🐈 by @siobhonm
20
8 months ago
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so much i could choke on it. everyone i love and need. all the sky crossable, all the water homeward. by @siobhonm
14
9 months ago
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a verdant week 1. love this crew fr 🇻🇺🇵🇬🇬🇺🇵🇼 taken in Vanuatu Islands by @siobhonm
10
10 months ago
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started the new darwish and in between many exiles he says wherever you are the sky is real ☁️☁️☁️ 

you’re my favorite long game & second world. reading you, trailing you, meeting you in perpetuity. happy birthday in both skies!! i love you so much if it all goes cyberpunk foreal i hope they cryogenically freeze our brains next to each other 🩵 by @siobhonm
13
a year ago
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on the @glblctzn homepage today 🌏 

ok i didn’t write that headline but i did write about my activist family and demilitarization in these unceasingly violent times — as our islands continue to be used as weapons testing grounds, as we’re made complicit in U.S. funded genocides, and as the indigenous world continues to organize against occupation. 

i struggled with the scope of this piece, how to talk about liberation movements without invoking its long history here in the marianas and micronesia. so i wrote first about my parents instead — what it meant to forge an ethic of organizing rooted in caretaking. after a decade of organizing work, i think it’ll always come back to that. between my family and my community in the wider activist world, there’s nothing more rigorous or delusional or sophisticated or imaginative than the task of growing a homeland.

thankful i get to do this work at @nihiindigenousmedia and gather in transnational activist spaces with @uaf_anp. 

link in bio for the full thing!
eternal gratitude to @cdegurrola for these photos. the way i would not trust anyone else on planet earth. our visionary forever 🩵 by @siobhonm
44
a year ago
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