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I turned 38 on Tuesday. It was the first time it didn’t feel like a birthday.

I am in one of the most challenging seasons of my life. Autistic burnout is no joke. It’s deep work. We are both going through it and are down bad often.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to experience joy and pleasure amidst the struggle. Balance is imperative to not lose ourselves in this battle.

We splurged a whole $45 for a night in this cute ssa Airbnb a few nights later after my birthday because I deserve to be celebrated. Tuh!

I am blessed, I am loved, and I continue to learn more deeply about myself, those around me and the world around me. It’s not always pretty. The truth hurts. But I am red pill all day.

Ignorance is not bliss to me. I don’t want bliss if it’s fake. I only want it when it comes through the real, messy and raw.

You live and you learn. We are literally here on this earth school to learn lessons. Not barely live, turn a blind eye and just leave.

Sometimes the lessons are back-to-back and don’t seem to let up. I am healing wounds and dysfunction I didn’t create because I refuse to pass them on. And I am proud of how brave I am every time I choose to start again.

I am allowed to put myself first without calling myself selfish. The more I do, the more I can do for others. I am allowed to change my mind and outgrow people, places and things. The more I do, the closer I get to living my full God given gifts, power and purpose. The closer I am to my highest potential and nature.

I have some things up my sleeve that I am excited to share soon enough. In divine timing. I am in one of those seasons again of gathering myself and I will not apologize for my pace of my coming together. It’s too easy for me to isolate, hermit and disappear. But what a waste that would be.

I am allowed to peacefully celebrate my unique journey, without worrying about what others think. I am no longer shrinking my joy to match the comfort of people who believe I should not feel it.

I am my own plot twist I didn’t see coming but very much needed. I can’t wait to share the medicine of this difficult time with you all.

#wlw #audhdwoman

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It’s not always about slowing down. My life was already intentionally slow, I made my own schedule. It was flexible. I made my own terms and called my own shots. But what I am learning now is that it still wasn’t intentionally built around my own unique sensory and wiring needs.

What makes recovery real depends on feeling ALIVE again, not how fast or slow you go, not how much rest you get or don’t get. Not even always feeling safe and regulated you feel.

It’s about getting back to feeling ALLOWED to exist just as you are in your environment. Feeling like you can breathe again. Deep breaths not shallow breaths you can only take under the extreme pressure of barely surviving. Barely being seen and accepted for who you are. The way you are.

You can’t recovery in environments that feel like a lion ready to eat you, judge you, question you, fire you, shame you is always around the corner.

You need to feel like you have permission to live. To really live. Permission to slow down, to take your time, to be different, to think different, to see different, to have accommodation needs met without a second question or hesitation.

Recovery is being able to break and live outside of the rules and it be okay.

#autisticburnout #autismacceptance #burnoutrecovery #neurodivergent

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I’ve made it! Fee has been waiting for me to finally cut her hair. She only trusts me to do her wolf cut style. We had carnitas tacos as soon as I left the airport. Mexican music is played and heard in the distance all day and night. I love it! It’s oddly comforting and soothing. The flores are big, beautiful and bright. So are the volcanic mountain range surrounding us. The view from our bedroom window is the corn field, chicken coop and mountains. It’s super quiet minus the sounds of many birds, roosters and music overlapping. Oh, and the bells also in the distance every hour. The rain storms and thunder are magical. Open fields, dirt roads, street dogs, mopeds, open air shops/restaurants, butcher, baker, sunshine and rain. So many fruit trees. So many birds. The people, sounds, and smells are wonderful. My heart is full, I am healing. We are healing. More to come! 🇲🇽✨ @ladyandthetorch

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Agape love!! Summer time moments spent with my sister as she’s healing and in recovery mode from autistic regression. On her way leaving Virginia for recovery, I invited her to spend some time in Hawaii with me before her second and final stop to Mexico for the long healing process ahead. She’s arrived safely in Mexico today. She is covered, she is blessed, she is healing. #summermoments #healing #autisticregression

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It’s something about Hawaii that is Mother Earth in peak ovulation.

Everything is more vivid, more saturated, more the way God designed Earth to be I feel. All in one place.

So much so that it feels otherworldly. Almost too overwhelming and overstimulating for my senses to drink in all at once rn if I am being honest. 😩 I have to take her in doses. Every other day at least.

Like that one woman everyone is intimated by, falls too fast for, can’t believe their eyes, can’t believe she is real, can’t handle their big feelings for her and ghosts her for a bit just to catch your breath and find your footing again.

Never been me though. Can’t catch me slipping like that but I think I kind of get it now. Through the nature of Hawaii, in a symbolic way if that makes sense 😂

Anyway, I’ve been mentally and emotionally constipated. A foreign thing for me. So much has taken place over the last 6 months. I am taking my time to find the rug that was pulled out from under me or maybe I need to find a new rug altogether. Either way, we here. Fly or die, literally (in catatonia) and metaphorically. ✌🏽🌺

#autisticburnout #unmasking #neurodivergent #autisticmom #millennialproblems

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It’s always you don’t look or sound autistic 🙄

#adultautism #autisticwomen #autisticburnout #invisibledisability #asdawareness

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IMPORTANT UPDATE ‼️

Donations are now closed. While we didn’t quite reach our goal, we are overwhelmed with gratitude for every single person who donated, shared, and held us in their hearts.

Because of you, we now have enough to begin this journey. Now a separate one. Read through the slides above to find out why!

We are heading into this season of healing and recovery with full hearts and deep faith, and each and every one of you are a part of that. Your generosity means more than words can express.

Thank you to those who believe in and support us. We’ll carry your love with us every mile of the way.

- Nam and Fee

P.s. to answer a random but often asked of us question, pits are not allowed/are a banned breed on planes because of their high death rates among other stereotypical reasons, that’s why the driving is necessary and the only option for getting to Mexico with Lily. We couldn’t find anyone to have her stay with temporarily for the year. We tried. And we of course refuse to abandon her in a shelter.

#autisticburnout #latediagnosedautistic #autismacceptance #audhd #wlwcouple

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The time has come! Come see us before we go, say goodbyes, send us off with well wishes and check out our estate sale (pick, pull, pay what you can style) at the same time. Everything needs to go by this weekend! We are having our estate sale this Friday, the 29th from 5-9pm. The entirety of the remaining contents in our home needs to be cleared completely out. Check the slides to get an idea of what we have left. Decor, furniture, books, art, movies, vinyls, art canvases, massage table, my outdoor tub, and more! DM for address. If you can’t make it out to our estate sale/goodbye gathering, but are able to donate to our GoFundMe, we are still accepting donations to cover our travel expenses. Link in my biyos.

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Meet my newest Reiki Level 2 practitioner student, now graduate (and probably my last while I recover from regression), @ceciliamarietattoos owner of @thevintagecauldronvb ✨

I am sure a lot of you already know or know of this badass beauty but if you don’t, you going to want to! She is a gifted tattoo artist, intuitive and now energy healer! 👐🏼 💫

She is now practicing her healing arts and intuitive gifts with her tattoo services out of her studio in Virginia Beach. @thevintagecauldronvb

Tattoos and healing at the same damn time! I fell asleep on her table during my last trade session with her today. She is a natural. I am proud to pass the baton to her as a fellow artist and energy healer. Book with her, you will be in great gentle hands 🥹

We bartered tattoos for Reiki training and attunement. It twas magical. Swipe to see the work she did on me and read below for the symbolism and meaning behind my tattoo (which I’ve been wanting for many years to cover up my HS scars from puberty):

The bottom of the tattoo starts out with a vase. Once perfect yet too small to contain my wild growth, evolution and expansion so it is cracked and outgrown.

Symbolizing outgrowing expectations imposed upon me by my upbringing and society to keep me small, perfect, quiet. The flowers start out small and more tamed, the stems intertwining to create a DNA helix. Representing my ancestral lineage in what has been passed down.

The flowers start to grow bigger and wilder, less perfect and tamed as they grow upwards representing breaking intergenerational cycles through healing. What I also love about flowers is that 90% of them are both male and female in one. I resonate with that sense of being in myself. The faces seen as me and/or my ancestors.

You’ll see dead flower petals falling and around the bottom of the vase representing the spiritual death and rebirth cycles and the beauty of it all while my roots stay rooted and anchored into the earth.

This was my first big piece! And I am so happy @ceciliamarietattoos was the one to make my longtime vision come to life with so much love and support! I am obsessed with how it came together. Thank you again! Love you! ♥️

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Motherhood is shifting as a collective force. We are judged more because it’s historically been the men. The moms always stay no matter what. No matter the toll it has on our health and life expectancy. It’s our “job”. No days off. This is more than a “job” to me. It is the very ancestral codes I am rewriting and passing down. It’s time we do things and see things differently no matter what others say or think. It’s time for a change and it’s up to me!

Happy Mother’s Day to myself and my wife @ladyandthetorch who has stepped into the supportive role without hesitation. Thank you. You deserve your flowers too! 💐

If you haven’t donated already and can give to support our temporary move to Mexico for regression recovery, please do so using the link in my biyooo. Our timeline is shrinking since I just found out this weekend that I have autism catatonia, a potentially life threating condition in additional to the regression. Any amount helps! If you are unable to give, please consider sharing. Thank you to all for your support! 🙏🏽❤️‍🩹 #autismmom #latediagnosedautistic #neurodivergent #autismacceptance #autisticwomen

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If you haven’t heard the news already, my wife and I are both in autistic regression and are facing homelessness because of it. Autistic regression and autism alone, are do many of us, invisible disabilities that most people don’t quite understand to the degree in which it affects our livelihoods in our abilities to live and survive in a sustainable way. We found a place to recover. We just need help getting there. Our GoFundMe can be found in the link of my bio(s) to read our full story and what we’ve been going through for the past year. Thank you to everyone’s kind words of support and acknowledgment. Also to everyone that has generously donated so far. If you can give any amount, will help get us to our place of recovery in (check our previous post for more details about our soft and stress-free landing place). If you are unable to give, we know it’s hard on everyone right now, just sharing our posts and go fund me would be a big help to spread the word and give others who can an opportunity to. Any questions are welcome and will be happy to answer them in the meantime. The world needs to know more about these conditions and how debilitating they are.

#unmaskingautism #autismwarriors #latediagnosedautistic #asd #selflovematters

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We will be driving because our old lady Lily has separation anxiety. Here is a list of things we need help funding:

* Rental car and gas
* Shipping cost for shipping our specialized art supplies and tools
* Lily’s health certificate/shots
* Lodging in route
* Food in route
* Help with our last month of rent here
* Custody court fees
* Sending souvenir/care packages to our son
* Catastrophic health insurance just in case
* Cost of residency to stay beyond six months
* And Phone Bills

We plan to document our experience, healing and art on our shared IG page @allthingsfireandearth

TIA to everyone aiding us and sharing! We love and appreciate you ❤️‍🔥 trust we will be paying it forward!

#latediagnosedautistic #audhd #wlwcouple #lesbianlove #autismawareness

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