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Azania

@azaniaaaz

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@univofmaryland

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It’s been a while since I was able to just sit and write. I think its because it’s been a long time since I was alone. For the first month or so of school, I literally did anything to be around other people. I branched out, I started random conversations, I started responding to Instagram stories and notes. If there was a moment where I was alone, it was either in the bathroom or doing homework. Those moments were few and far in between. I thought that was how to do it in college, to sort of give yourself up to secure your group early. I wasn’t totally wrong. But, given the time to be alone, I’ve realized one very important thing. I think that thing is pretty obvious to people who truly know me; I don’t really know how to be alone. Not in any particular way, but when I am alone with my thoughts I can’t let my mind wander. All the issues that I thought were behind me: the overthinking, the anxious attachment, the self-inflicted emotional stunting, they all began to creep back in. There wasn’t one particular reason, but too much space proved to be too much for me to handle. I let it get the better of me for a bit. However, I came out of that time grateful for it. It had been a long time since I had been so raw with myself, so comfortable vulnerable. I had pushed the responsibility of dealing with those parts of me onto others, and couldn’t understand why it was so hard to receive, or why I didn’t feel better after. Putting myself in their position helped me realize where my growth is going to have to come from. Being around people all the time probably won’t change. I am a social person, and I let a lot more people into my life than people I let leave. I have too much love for people to push many away, unless I feel truly hurt. But those times aren’t the ones that will change. It’s the times where I’m alone, where the suppressed feelings rear all the way back around, that I’ll learn to thrive in.

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Turned 20 with the people I love the most

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but if I lack love then I am nothin’ at all

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Forever grateful✨

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playing dress up 💙

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prom 2026 🥳
edit: shoutout to emmy for the henna and gabby for the hair!! you iced my shi, thank you sm!!

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Saint James Girls Basketball has some fun in the snow today after a win against Brunswick on Friday! Thanks to our coaches for the day off!!

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