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I didn’t want to post this, because then it would mean it was really true. I found some words for you big brother. I hope they do you justice. 

Tony Awards 2003

Tony Awards 2003

Tony Awards 2003
35
Yesterday, my old friend, Lamar, better known to the world as Black Ice/crossed over

I offer an old poem we co-wrote/and performed/when Jam Master Jay/passed away

we were children/then 
unaware of the future we were predicting 
with these rapid fire/internal rhymes
conjured for Bob  and Jay 

Today/other losses crowd my breast/testing my ability to believe good still remains 
in the grief that is left

Bereft/is one of my favorite words
Onomatopoeic 
Bereft/like the soft swish 
of something taken away

Fate be betraying motherfuckers 
all the time
and still/the furies be asking us to believe 
there is reason for the ripping open of the solar plexus/the rest of us be flexing to hide the hurt 

curt answers and short calls
it takes more than balls to be honest with those you love/easier to pull the wool 
pretend to feel something you don’t 

what kind of broken intent/snaps the bone of a thing they say they hold dear
tearing/skin and sinew alike
what kind of horror are we swimming in/when kismet claws back the breath of poets on darkening days 

Everything is upside down today

News of a loved one’s death should not come 
on days like this/after the ground you have just begun to trust/is pulled out from under you
when being in your community 
is already asking too much of your thinning grace

Today/my face is a cracked scream
Philly be up in my craw/too many maladies situated in Philly

Too many heartaches/gnawing at my too-long sack of sorrows/

Lamar and I were very different creatures/in our youth/we argued over everything/we saw the world through different lenses/today only his words remain

Today I am gathering all my grief 
binding them across my belly 
in a hammock/in Kingston 

I am crying for you 
for me/for what was/what might have been

Sorrow begets sorrow 
and I am a great believer in legacy 

Rest in peace/brother 
only a year older/you have been chosen to go on ahead
if anything is left of you 
if you can still hear me 

These are only some of the things I would say
if your body/were still here with us/today
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