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I feel like my life finally started moving in the right direction after losing my mom since 2026 began. After I realized my mom wants me to succeed, despite all of the guilt and sorrow I still feel, life blossomed again. Not because things started to align perfectly (I mean they did) but because I started putting in extra effort and hard work. I will always go where I’m called. And now more than ever, I will never be sorry for being present, loud and ambitious. That’s the biggest thing grief has given me. A fire so bright, that it only gets brighter when folks send doubt or envy my way. 

I often hear, “Nicholas, why do you keep moving around, are you not happy?” or “I hope you find yourself.” 
I’m making these moves because I AM happy. I’m happy enough to move again and again. I’m happy enough to put in extra work. This isn’t me finding myself. It’s my mother and God granting me extraordinary opportunities again, because sometimes you just realize no one is coming to save you. So you begin saving yourself. I’m not saying I’ve found myself, and in reality, no one in their 20s has. 

I originally decided to move to Colorado in 2021 to find myself after realizing what pain having an alcoholic parent can bring. I needed out. Coming back to this beautiful state was really hard, along with several detours thanks to my best friends. I then remembered why I originally came here & it hurt. I was reminded what that pain was like. Though I will say, being around my Colorado community is immensely healing. The Rockies will always be a home. There’s so many of us around both new and existing that have lost a parent. Some might say it’s trauma bonding, but it’s actually a deep realization that in communities, we are all we have. 

Every day I seem to reflect and thank my mother, family, friends and GOD. 🩵
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