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Christopher N Rowley

@christopher.n.rowley

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Filmmaker. Director. Writer. Dreamer. Optimist.

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Just finished banishing the spirit of home losses and draws from the mighty Tottenham Hotspur stadium. Mighty Spurs 3 - Coven-tarts 1. COYS!!!!!

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Chris & Ose take Sheffield!

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Learning to Like Myself Again
Some people may look at these photographs and see confidence. Maybe beauty. Maybe someone who looks sure of himself. The truth is more complicated.

I am not cocky. I am still learning to be confident. Sometimes I still fake it until I make it. Underneath the image, I am still vulnerable and deeply shy. I have learned to protect the parts of me that are soft, emotional, awkward, funny and alive.

In recent years, my confidence was very low. So low that sometimes I felt I had to pick myself up from the floor — my body, my soul, my life — and teach myself how to stand again. I did not become stronger because life was kind to me. I became stronger because I had no other choice.

Now, slowly, something is changing. I know who I am and who I am not. I trust myself more than I did a year ago, a month ago, even yesterday. This confidence is not arrogance. It is survival. It is recovery. It is learning to love myself after years of forgetting how.

After losing my mother in March, something in me changed forever. When you lose the people who loved you the most, life becomes painfully clear. My parents wanted only this for me: to be healthy, happy and strong. So I am trying to honour them.

I cannot waste my life being unhappy. I cannot keep giving my time, heart, body, energy or joy to people and situations that make me feel small. Not friends. Not lovers. Not anyone. I cannot be superficial with myself anymore.

I am not writing this from the place of a victim. Not today. I have survived that chapter. I carry sadness, yes. But I also carry joy — a deep, stubborn joy for life. I still have light in my eyes and desire in my soul. I still want to love and be loved. I still want beauty, tenderness, laughter, touch, truth, art, kisses, and everything that makes life feel alive.

I am strong, vulnerable, funny, smart, beautiful, and still here. And for the first time in a long time, I am not ashamed to say that.

Life is short. Life is now. Life is today. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is choose yourself — fully, honestly, without apology, with all your vulnerability and all your strength at the same time.

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Learning to Like Myself Again
Some people may look at these photographs and see confidence. Maybe beauty. Maybe someone who looks sure of himself. The truth is more complicated.

I am not cocky. I am still learning to be confident. Sometimes I still fake it until I make it. Underneath the image, I am still vulnerable and deeply shy. I have learned to protect the parts of me that are soft, emotional, awkward, funny and alive.

In recent years, my confidence was very low. So low that sometimes I felt I had to pick myself up from the floor — my body, my soul, my life — and teach myself how to stand again. I did not become stronger because life was kind to me. I became stronger because I had no other choice.

Now, slowly, something is changing. I know who I am and who I am not. I trust myself more than I did a year ago, a month ago, even yesterday. This confidence is not arrogance. It is survival. It is recovery. It is learning to love myself after years of forgetting how.

After losing my mother in March, something in me changed forever. When you lose the people who loved you the most, life becomes painfully clear. My parents wanted only this for me: to be healthy, happy and strong. So I am trying to honour them.

I cannot waste my life being unhappy. I cannot keep giving my time, heart, body, energy or joy to people and situations that make me feel small. Not friends. Not lovers. Not anyone. I cannot be superficial with myself anymore.

I am not writing this from the place of a victim. Not today. I have survived that chapter. I carry sadness, yes. But I also carry joy — a deep, stubborn joy for life. I still have light in my eyes and desire in my soul. I still want to love and be loved. I still want beauty, tenderness, laughter, touch, truth, art, kisses, and everything that makes life feel alive.

I am strong, vulnerable, funny, smart, beautiful, and still here. And for the first time in a long time, I am not ashamed to say that.

Life is short. Life is now. Life is today. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is choose yourself — fully, honestly, without apology, with all your vulnerability and all your strength at the same time.

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Yesterday was a celebration of friendship at a French restaurant with my friend, Chris. He has been my great friend for ages, my mentor, my brother, my family.

After dinner, we took this picture. Knowing that Chris doesn’t like social media, I asked him if I could post it. I was surprisingly happy when he said yes. 🙂

Chris came into my life when I moved to New York. We had friends in common. He had just moved from LA. A friendship was born. Much fun, laughter and Romanian jokes that he still doesn’t get even today 😂 — not his fault, maybe Romanian humour is simply too complicated.

As he had a farm in Upstate New York, we visited Olana, Mass MoCA, Dia:Beacon, the Clark, the Vanderbilt Mansions... and countless good restaurants.

Then he got married and moved to London. In 2018, I also moved to London. My job in the USA was done, and as my sister had moved to Portugal at the same time, I didn’t want to move to a country where I didn’t know the language. So I chose London — a city I knew, in a language I spoke, and where I had my friend, Chris. I came here to pursue my second master’s degree, and I have never regretted it.

Chris taught me about American culture, good cinema, real kindness, privacy, the value of less and the importance of breathing before reacting.

In our years of friendship, there were many cultural adventures and a few bad moments... and Chris was present. Not running, not disappearing when I needed him.

He is one of the kindest men I have ever met. Real. Present. Loyal. Direct. Honest.

Even when I didn’t want to hear his opinion on something, he said it anyway. And that is one of the reasons I trust him so much.

Having a best friend like Chris is everything. With him, I can talk about anything — without feeling judged, without having to pretend, without worrying that I might look foolish.

Chris always gives me a sense of trust. Confidence. Chris is very rare. Unique. And I am lucky that our paths crossed.

To many more years to come. To friendship.

@christopher.n.rowley

#friendship #london #fypage #foryou

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A new play, Halloween and Self Esteem 🗑️💋💘👻🍇

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#tbt HIGHLIGHTS
@sansebastianfes 2025

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Molly Moon! Thank you to Chris, Anthony and everyone involved - happy happy memories! Such Fun! ❤️

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The happy faces !
Santosh screening and Q N A with cast and crew.
#mamifilmfestival
#filmmakers
#filmmaking
#costumedesigner
#costume #

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Late post!
Candid Cannes Clicks !
It was long due.. still many more to come.

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OMG Frist The Cannes and now Oscars 🌻
"Santosh" Enters Oscars 2025 As UK's Official Submission.
#costumedesigner
#Dreams
#filmmakinglife

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First Full Day out for Pride in a decade… and I really did feel the love. Next year, I’ll see even more of my favourite people, and the March…! Happy Pride Everyone 🌈❤️✨ #pridelondon #loveislove

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