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25 years later what I remember the most from that day was the paralysing, irrational fear that if the second tower fell sideways it might crush us. It seems crazy now as we were twenty blocks north of the towers, but I was three months postpartum and my protective instincts towards newborn Coco were exaggerated. My whole perception of reality changed that morning, and suddenly anything scary seemed possible. I also remember sitting with Christopher outside our local coffee shop on Hudson Street watching people walk towards home from Ground Zero after both towers fell. They looked like zombies - covered in ash, torn clothes, blank faces, clearly in shock. I still think of those people regularly - who they were, what they had seen, how far they had to walk to get home, many of them limping or bleeding. Despite the horrifying images in front of us, it seemed our whole neighbourhood felt better being out in public. The weight of what we’d all seen that day, with our own eyes, was too much to process in the solitude of our own apartments. We needed to see the expressions on other people’s faces to understand how we were feeling, and to know that what happened, which seemed so unbelievable, was actually real. 

Ten years later I went to the @911memorial and cried my eyes out. What has stayed with me was hearing the voice messages on the answering machine of one of the passengers of flight 93 - friends just checking he wasn’t on the plane, then family worrying he might have been on the plane, then others just wanting to hear his voice on the greeting, and finally the last bits of hope that he might have escaped his obvious fate. It broke my heart, but it was also healing to be able to finally detach from my own experience of that day and really know what happened to the victims, especially my college friend Ray Rocha. I can still hear his laugh. 

I will always remember, I will #neverforget

Photo by @christopherbrooks101
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