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I had my last round of treatment on Wednesday, and I had intended to make a positive post about being at the finish line. Unfortunately, after spending the last 13 months collecting every shitty side effect of immunotherapy, I simply don’t have the positivity in me right now. Instead, I’m having a good old moan. I spent most of May battling chronic sinusitis and what turned out to be an iron level of 3 (for context, anything under 30 is considered deficient). During that time, I genuinely thought I was dying. Once they figured out what was wrong, I had 3 IV iron infusions, a course of steroids, and another round of antibiotics. I actually started to feel like myself again. For the week before NYC, and while I was there, I foolishly allowed myself to think I might actually be nearing the end of all this. LOLOLOL! I had my final immunotherapy treatment on Wednesday, and by Friday, what started as a slightly dodgy knee from walking miles around New York had turned into a swollen, inflamed joint full of fluid that needed draining in A&E, only to refill almost immediately. On top of that, I’m having the worst colitis flare up I’ve had to date, and my sinuses have decided to block themselves up again. Quite frankly, I’m fucked off. I’m fed up. I know I’ll get better. I know this is temporary. I know it’s better than dying of Cancer. But right now, I’m feeling very sorry for myself and I needed to scream into the void for a minute. AND, tbh this is all a bit homophobic because it’s Pride month and I’m missing out on all the festivities. I also need to mention Dan because, hand on heart, there have been points over the last year where I’d have quite happily launched myself into the abyss and called it a day if it wasn’t for them. When we got married, I don’t think either of us imagined that “in sickness and in health” would be tested quite so aggressively, quite so soon. They’ve held my hand through all of it without complaint, picked me up when I’ve been at my lowest, and loved me through a version of myself that has spent a large portion of the last year either exhausted, medicated, angry, crying, or sat on a toilet 💩
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🤰🏻Baby Shackson due June 29th ✨Dan surprised me this morning by taking me to go meet our new son. I seriously have the most wonderful, amazing and thoughtful partner who wanted to get me a surprise for being such a brave girl the past year. Everyone meet Pedro Pawscal our chihuahua 🐾 WE ARE IN LOVE 🖤
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