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I’m not sure what this season will bring. I’m not sure I’ll reach the goals I’ve been dreaming about for so long. I can’t even guarantee I’ll step into a show ring if my horse isn’t truly on board with the journey. And with all that uncertainty, paired with years of longing for medals that were taken by unfortunate timing and heavy news, it can feel like a constant weight on my shoulders.

Still, I hold onto hope that my moment will come when the time is right.

What I’ve realized along the way is that in our sport, to be anything, you often have to have everything: the Grand Prix horse, the funding, the sponsors, the facility. Then you’re talked about. Then you’re admired.

But I don’t want that.

I want happiness in this sport. I want my horses to be happy.

This past year has completely shifted how I view my partnerships with my horses. I can’t knowingly continue developing or pushing forward if I feel hesitation or lack of confidence from them. If they aren’t eager and ready to excel, why would I ask more of them? After all, that’s the very essence and ideology of dressage.

It’s hard to sit back and watch so many of my incredibly deserving friends reach their milestones. At the same time, it fills my heart with genuine happiness for them. I won’t pretend it doesn’t sting to not be there yet, but I can hold both feelings at once.

I can school the levels at home. I can have incredible rides. But the reality is, without a score, it doesn’t mean much, and that’s fair.

This year, I hope to be more transparent and honest for fellow equestrians who are quietly struggling to climb the levels due to circumstances beyond their control.

If there’s one message in all of this, it’s this: don’t lose hope. Don’t let that small, flickering spark go out. A happy, healthy horse is something to be far more grateful for than any level or ribbon earned.

Coming from the girl who’s busted her ass to bring her own horse up the levels, only to have life hand her every obstacle right when it was time to step out there.

Keep riding❤️ 
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