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FIRE + FOLK | Heather

@fireandfolk

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cultivating cozy through the alchemy of fragrance + fire: beautifully scented candles that bring a little PNW magic into every home. #portlandor🕯️🏳️‍🌈

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Autumn walks with my sweet girl are so good for my mind, body, and soul. I want to live inside October forever. Since I was a very young child, it has always been my favorite month. Halloween always my favorite holiday. It gives me life after being stuck in the house all summer hiding from the heat. It is my rebirth.

We sure are getting some weird looks from folks — my poor bb girl having to wear an ear wrap, leg braces… she looks like a strange turtle or dinosaur. 🦕🐢

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New window display. Fall vibes. All made by local artists and makers 🍁

@foundandrewound
@wildwoodcandle_co
@fireandfolk
@itzybitzybathco

#ecrupdx #supportsmallbusiness #supportlocalartists #shopsmall

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Hi. My baby girl is sick, we were up all night, and my body is a wreck. 🥴

I spent 10 hours yesterday breaking down my booth, loading and unloading my car, and unpacking everything. Utterly exhausted and in so much pain.

Then I was awake all night with Juni getting sick with constant vomiting and diarrhea all night long. Probably an IBD (autoimmune) flare.

I was supposed to get massage therapy for my body this morning and had to cancel to stay home with Juni.

Chris has a call into vet to try and get meds and subq fluids. We are waiting to hear back.

I’m delirious from sleep deprivation at this point and just sobbing from physical pain and physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. This on top of all the s/a trauma resurfacing from the
*gestures at world* and so much painful life transition, and trying to keep a tiny business chugging along through my busiest production season of the year, while running on empty fumes.

Don’t get me wrong: I *am* doing all the correct things to care for myself and rest and pace my body, but when you’re a chronically ill woman who is also a survivor and perimenopausal and AuDHD and going through a major life upheaval, you just run on an energy deficit no matter how well you care for yourself.

I am exhausted on such a profound level that I don’t have adequate words for it.

I know I’ll get through it all and be okay. I will. I always do.

But I would just like one damn thing in my life to be calm for a minute, ya know? I know so many of us are feeling this way, I know I’m not alone.

I guess I’m sharing to say this: we can look strong and successful and like we’re doing great from the outside (as folks told me that at my booth - “you seem like you’re doing amazing!” … but a moment’s glance is not the full picture. I’m great at masking. So many of us that seem ok are really deeply struggling.

Fun fact: Because I’m sleep deprived, I’m having auditory voice hallucinations, which are caused by extreme brain fatigue and neurotransmitter imbalances, and research shows that autistic adults experience significantly higher rates of it than non-autistic individuals. 😵‍💫

I’ll improve once I get some sleep. 😴

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There’s something about a gloomy fall day on the North Coast that makes you want to slow down.

Throw on a jacket. Grab a coffee. Take the scenic route. Wander around Astoria. Stop somewhere you haven’t been before.

And yes, maybe do a little shopping while you’re at it.

Fort to Port is full of the things that make fall on the coast fun, from cozy cabin and beach house finds to camping gear, snacks, kids’ goodies, postcards, gifts and all the little treasures that make you want to keep exploring.

If you’re headed to the coast this fall, come wander through.

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PNW Pride

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Who am I to deny the people what they want? Pumpkin spice is in full swing over here

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Proof of life… 😊✨

This morning, Juni and I enjoyed a cool, misty walk around Eastmoreland, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Portland. I love the giant old trees and all the beautiful flowers and architecture. And I love the tree-lined walking path down the middle of the neighborhood. 🌲🌳

Juni found an adorable mushroom fairy village, and I stopped by some little free libraries and poetry stands. 🍄🧚‍♀️

And I was over-the-moon excited to spot my first glimpse of fall color! 🍁

I have been deep in grief and healing for many weeks now, dedicating so much time to sitting in solitude with my feelings and all of the tender parts of myself. Allowing myself to ride the waves of intense emotions, to let them through and out of my body. I have meditated and done healing somatic, EMDR, and IFS work. I have loved myself through every hard, painful moment. And day by day, as I return to my highest self more and more, I feel myself becoming stronger, more aligned, and more at peace.

Today, I felt pure joy as I walked among these trees with this sweet, beautiful soul by my side. I feel this deep inner knowing that not only am I going to be okay… but that this death, this ending of a major life chapter, is also the birth of the most aligned, empowered, healing, and beautiful chapter of my life. Midlife is the ultimate time of awakening to your true self, to your highest calling. I am feeling it more deeply than ever before.

The future is alive with possibility. And I am grateful to be here.

Thank you to everyone who has checked in on me, sent words of love and encouragement, and shared the gifts of your time, your friendship, your meals, the produce from your gardens… your love is felt and so deeply appreciated. Know that while I will be navigating grief and this life transition for some time, I am okay. Despite everything being so hard right now, I am continually finding ways to thrive. I am forever a phoenix rising from the flame and ashes… and alchemizing that fire into something truly meaningful and beautiful. (And pouring it into my candles!) 🔥🐦‍🔥

Sending so much love out to all of you. 😊🧡

#phoenixrising #griefhealing #healingjourney #eastmorela

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Popping on the gram for the first time in a week or so because I needed to document and share with the world how perfect my baby dogge is. Just look at her. She is my world, and an absolute angel. Still on mostly crate rest but she is allowed 5-10 minute slow walks in her brace, and going to the park makes her very, very happy. I mean, just look at that smile. 😁🧡

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New local candle vendor! 🕯️

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Spent the evening with a billion other Portlanders who gathered to say goodbye to #LloydCenter on its last day open. Juni is still wearing a shoulder brace and can only walk a couple minutes at a time, so I bought this giant stroller cart for her and wheeled her around the mall to partake in the festivities!

She got at least a zillion pets, met so many dogs, and loved on so many kids. She absolutely loved riding with her head out the sunroof! 🐾

There was so much love all around. Strangers stopping to talk and reminisce… the most fantastic costumes and celebrations… and so much beautiful queer community.! 🌈 💜

And the sweetest ending was when Jerry and Tally Leonard, a couple who fell in love on the Lloyd ice rink in 1967, performed their final farewell skate. As a kid who loved figure skating and was forced to quit because of my autoimmune disease, it made me so happy to see two humans still doing the thing they love so many years later. ⛸️

Loved getting to experience this with @tired_millennial_pdx + @leahhhkat — even though I couldn’t stay as long as I wanted because the sheer amount of human bodies had that place HOT + HUMID. 🥵

But it was so beautiful to be in community. And how cute is Juni in her li’l go-kart? 🚙

#lloydcentermall #lloydcentericerink #pdxlife

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Spent the evening with a billion other Portlanders who gathered to say goodbye to #LloydCenter on its last day open. Juni is still wearing a shoulder brace and can only walk a couple minutes at a time, so I bought this giant stroller cart for her and wheeled her around the mall to partake in the festivities!

She got at least a zillion pets, met so many dogs, and loved on so many kids. She absolutely loved riding with her head out the sunroof! 🐾

There was so much love all around. Strangers stopping to talk and reminisce… the most fantastic costumes and celebrations… and so much beautiful queer community.! 🌈 💜

And the sweetest ending was when Jerry and Tally Leonard, a couple who fell in love on the Lloyd ice rink in 1967, performed their final farewell skate. As a kid who loved figure skating and was forced to quit because of my autoimmune disease, it made me so happy to see two humans still doing the thing they love so many years later. ⛸️

Loved getting to experience this with @tired_millennial_pdx + @leahhhkat — even though I couldn’t stay as long as I wanted because the sheer amount of human bodies had that place HOT + HUMID. 🥵

But it was so beautiful to be in community. And how cute is Juni in her li’l go-kart? 🚙

#lloydcentermall #lloydcentericerink #pdxlife

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