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Today I’ve just completed the type of work that I’ve been building to for years, spending most all of my energy and savings trying to achieve, fallen down multiple times along the way even been given multiple opportunities to do it cheaper , faster or to a lesser quality but I have been resolute, even blindly stubborn as to how I want my work to be to created and seen in the world. In spite of all of my levels of self doubt I simply kept trudging toward a place that I didn’t even know existed, let alone imagine ever arriving.
This morning whilst dry mounting this fibre based silver gelatin print from an 8x10 negative and placing a matte around it I quietly realised to myself I am here, no fanfare, no champagne, no hug from the girl I lost whilst losing myself trying to achieve this goal. Just one of those moments you’ve been dreaming of for so long you didn’t even recognise it whilst it was staring you back in the face. Has anything changed within in me, is anything different? No, not really, I think the best thing I could say is I just was able to love myself a little tiny bit more than not at all for turning a dream into a reality.

This is a portrait of @paul_fluffy_sinclair taken in my @halfartstudio on my 1950’s Deardorff V8 large format camera, developed and printed in my darkroom and soon to be on the wall of the @thevoyagertavern in Stuart’s Point. A very cool place that like me is going against the grain of what the world seems to be sliding towards and just saying no to faster ,cheaper, crapper and yes to this is just better and returning to a way it use to be. I look forward to visiting and seeing it hanging on the wall.

That’s a bit of a long rant but I just found myself awash with all sorts of lovely feelings I wanted to share incase anyone else is out there chasing a dream that seems to have no clear place to be realised, just keep going, don’t listen to anyone or anything but your heart.

#largeformatfilmphotography #portraits #silvergelatinprint #darkroomprint #ilfordorthoplus80

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Self Portrait 3.10.26
It took me most of yesterday making these photographs and up until today to unpack everything that has brought me to a point of understanding.
The purpose of these photographs is to firstly busy a mind consumed by emotion, secondly give me multiple points to accept failure as part of the creative process and lastly to understand what wasn’t understood prior to it all starting.
It’s difficult for me to admit to rage as I’ve been taught to suppress it as it’s wrong and a failure rather than an emotion that needs attention to understand its source.

The deeper I look the more I see this rage was lit by shame. Shame for not controlling my emotions and lacking the fortitude to express my true feelings to someone I loved.

This rage once broke a relationship I cherished. That and my lack of self love led to a mental breakdown and then antidepressants which muted those feelings, it muted most all feeling in fact. This did however pull me from the brink far enough to realise this is not how I want to live.

After six months I stopped taking them, this gives you a few days of joy followed by the same hard time coming off them as you had coming onto them. This I forgot as forgetting is another side effect of coming off or on the drugs.

As with all lessons I have failed to learn in my life they keep returning to gift you another chance at finding how to react from a perspective of love rather than fear and hopefully move forward.
The day before yesterday I was gifted another chance, I’m ashamed to share these photographs are the result of the same fear, shame and rage cycle.
I feel they illustrate an exhausted, scared and impatient man fed up with not being able to access who he once was before this all started.

What does feel good right now is my ability to cry again whilst I write these words. Tears are my barometer for pointing toward the places within that have been neglected and something I’ve missed whilst medicated.

That really hurt coming out, sorry if it’s all too much. Rage is ugly, shame is destructive, fear needs staring in the face to be precise with the aim of your love.

#selfportraitureasmedicine #shame #rage #fearoflove

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Paul “Fluffy” Sinclair 25.9.26 8x10 Ilford Ortho 80

Had a great morning meeting @paul_fluffy_sinclair when he popped into @halfartstudio for a portrait with his little whippet, Ian, that I didn’t actually notice in the bottom of frame as I was so intent on making sure I got Paul’s eyes in focus.

If you’ve not heard of Paul and you enjoy having a laugh whilst finding out about this amazing country we live in go check him out, he’s one of the few bringing joy to this platform.

Thanks again for swinging by, this is exactly why I build this studio, a place to meet people and create together in this medium I’m doing my best to keep alive as each day passes it seems to solidify that the old school is quite simply the best school.

Paul is also the number one pick right now for going into the @bigbrotherau house here in Australia, if so he’d be the only reason I’d turn to that on the telly.

#largeformatfilm #portraitsonfilm #ilfordorthoplus #8x10 #largeformatportrait

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Aaron Andrews ORTHO SURFERS

Something I’ve been forced to learn with this series is patience. Patience for the weather, for the surfers and with myself to just let it be created at the pace it dictates.

Here’s @azzaandrews10 down at the point earlier in the year, I mistakenly fogged his close up and in spite of our best efforts we never got a chance to reshoot that before Azza moved up to Byron so here’s his wide shot and some words from the man himself.

For me, surfing is an escape from everything that normally fills my head. It gives me a chance to switch off, reset, and leave everything else on the shore for a while. Out there, there’s no work, no expectations and no noise, just the ocean, the next wave and the freedom to do nothing but be present. It’s one of the few places where I can completely disconnect and come back feeling like myself again.

Thank you @azzaandrews10 for your time, see you up in Byron ✌️❤️

#largeformatfilm #portraitsonfilm #surfer #homedeveloped

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Matthew Roach 20/08/26 8”x10” Ilford Ortho80

I’ve been thinking a lot lately on how to illustrate a state of mind within a photograph. Show what it’s like to feel exposed in a way that has you shying away from people until the feeling subsides. Difficult to spot if you don’t know someone well enough to see it or if they’ve perhaps mastered the craft of suppressing emotions.
Matt and I often talked about this and I really value hearing his perspective. From my perspective he has committed himself fully to finding the thoughts and actions that can carry him through his days as he would wish to exist. We were talking about how no matter how much breathe work, no matter how good your diet and regardless of how much you exercise some days that big black damp heavy blanket gets thrown over you and you’ve no idea where it came from yet there is no doubt of it’s arrival.

I’ve also been thinking a lot on what it is to live in a small regional town with a population less than 1500 people. What the relative isolation gives you, and what it takes away and what it’s like to struggle with your mental health in such a place.

I’m not really sure where this series is going and that feels so beautifully light to just let it take me where it needs to go.
Matt and I were talking the other day about this perfectly apt grouping of words that made us laugh.
“I’m sorry for acting strange,
I’m strange,
It will happen again.”

Matt if you’re strange, I surely am too brother, proud to call you a friend, thank you for making this photograph with me. ❤️

#largeformatfilmphotography #filmportraits #8x10 #ilfordorthoplus80 #regional

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“In the Reeds” 13/8/26 8”x10” @ilfordphoto Ortho80

At last fatigued from constantly searching for why I persist with getting in my own way all the time, I’ve now given up trying to understand, instead I’ll just make work that can hopefully do the talking for me.

Grateful for now not feeling like then and for using my camera and not my monkey mind with its’ fist stuck around the answers within the jar. Hoping to learn to let go rather than smash the jar.

Thank you to @willliamsjosh for listening when the black dog bit me and for sharing your experiences when it bit you. Thank you too for your time and enthusiasm in making this together. ✌️❤️ darts n libation

#portraits #largeformatfilmphotography #portraitsonfilm #homedeveloped #ilfordorthoplus

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Reid Carson Ortho Surfers Series April 10th 2026.
It seems every time I take a photograph of late I feel there is some form of learning involved for me. These photographs are no exception. Firstly and for-mostly I’d like to thank @presencecarsonsurfboards for collaborating with me on these photographs. Reid is an amazing human, not cut from the same clothe as most, this guy lives life with a raw unfiltered intensity I admire. He lives and breathes surfing, I first met him in one of @willliamsjosh ‘s cyanotype prints on the wall of a house I rented, the next was down at the point playing guitar and more recently camping on the back roads where we had conversations of depth and honesty few I know are even able too. To say he’s a core lord is an understatement, he’s glassed boards for all the biggest Australian shapers and shapes his own as well and he treats his craft as I do mine, perfection at all costs. As I know this way of living can be harsh, stratospheric highs and lows that are difficult to even describe.
When I developed this set of photographs I wasn’t happy with the close up, mainly as I wanted to get closer but excitement and pressure of exposing 8x10 negatives on a point break whilst the sun is rising got the better of me and a full frame close up on this camera has the bellows at nearly two feet long with less than half an inch depth of field and for the uninitiated this is extremely difficult.
As I wasn’t happy I asked Reid if we could re-shoot and after a week of chasing and broken promises I snapped and shared my frustrations and we’ve not spoken since. I’ve now learnt the hard way that for people like us that hold their art so high it’s sometimes easy to also not be aware and compassionate enough to consider others and for this I am guilty. It’s a lot to stand before a camera and bare your soul and sometimes our social battery runs flat, this I know very well as I too find myself shying away from the world to recharge in nature just as Reid does.
This photo set brings lessons in patience, compassion and forgiveness. Thank you @presencecarsonsurfboards for the lessons, please forgive my lack of conciousness. ✌️❤️
#largeformatfilmphotography

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Alan “Snowy” Baker. 97 years young taken on May 22nd 2026
If you’ve spent enough time in Crescent Head and ventured down the back roads you probably drove down Baker drive doing so, which eventually leads you to a little blue farm stand selling honey from the hives on his property and you may have been lucky enough to meet the man himself. I pulled up the other day to get honey as Alan and his niece Mary were there. After introducing myself she shared with me it was only last year she asked him to please no longer ride your horse, I’ve never seen him with anything but bare feet and for a farmer that’s saying something.
At one time most of the land in this area was owned by Alan, farming cattle I believe, and slowly over the years he’s sold off a handful of 100 acre lots to a select and lucky few including @nswnationalparks .Just by Lime Burners creek campground is the just visible foundations to an old wooden house that I’m told Alan was born in. I’m relatively new to these parts and I’m sure there’s many an interesting yarn about Alan to hear.
A local told me he visited for years, travelling up from Sydney to surf and camp each time plucking invasive weeds from his property and each time asking if Alan would sell him a slice of land until he finally buckled years later. That local still to this day, decades later, helps orchestrate regular events where locals help protect native flora by weeding out invasive species. There’s something very special about this land and the people that help protect it. It’s a great honour to call it home.
I am very grateful that now everyone can enjoy this slice of paradise as a national park and get to enjoy its waves and rugged beauty.
It made me so happy to have made this photograph with Alan on my circa 1950’s 8”x10” large format camera, it felt so fortuitous us all meeting as we did and to make a contact print of this photo in my darkroom for his niece who fantastically doesn’t use email yet shared her street address in town so I could drop it off in person. So perfectly old fashioned and serendipitous, every aspect of the experience fills me with joy.
#largeformatphotography #portrait #filmphotographer #darkroom

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They say the darkest hour is right before the dawn. Seems to be true from where I stand right now.
If you too have suffered with your mental health and are quietly trying to hold it down by yourself, I beg of you to please ask for some help, ask someone you feel safe with or even better someone you love that you feel will understand, but just ask. You will be surprised just how many of us have also walked the same path and can share a way out of its maze.
I believed I was getting by for so long I can’t even recall anymore when it actually started, this is it’s inherent danger as it’s onset is nearly imperceptible, you just continue to add coping mechanisms until you find yourself no longer being able to function, believing there is no way out and this is just how life has evolved for you. I assure you there’s so much more to life that I’m only just being able to perceive now, as if I’ve only just seen how each chess piece can be moved within the game of life. It’s quite difficult to explain a state of expanded cognitive function until you experience it, only to realise how you’ve been unknowingly restricted in life. Far more than just feeling happier than you have prior.
Once again I’ve been shown I simply can’t do this thing we call life alone and why humans thrive better together.
I’d like to thank all the people in my life who have shown me love and offered help and open hearted advice as when you’re within that darkness you simply cannot see the light.
I’m very pleased to say after one month of anti depression medication despite a somewhat rough weaning on period I’ve now been gifted with enough clarity to see what I’ve been missing out on for so many years. Early days I know, yet very grateful to be feeling as I do right now.
I’d like to give special thanks to one very exceptional human that against all odds still believed in me when I had long ago given up on myself. In doing so revealing to us both the unfathomable depth that love holds. A life lived till now comparatively within two dimensions only to be shown the experience and wonder of a life lived within three glorious dimensions.Onwards & Upwards ❤️
#life #love #light #filmphotography

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Self Portrait 22.4.26

Self Portraiture as medicine . Not sure it’s worked this time as I’m in what’s been described to me as a weening on stage of antidepressants and I feel in a drowsy forgetful state of mind that has me losing things like my glasses so now I’m looking at the world through a scratched slightly soft filter and using this overly complicated process to distract my frustrated mind from a multitude of worries my fuzzy head can’t resolve just yet resulting in this just missed focus self portrait, tired, big bagged eyes and unkept human.

In an attempt to normalise the truth and show something that is real, here I am late at night in my studio trying to put a pin in this moment in time so as to be able to move on from and hopefully look back on with understanding. Frustratingly I’ve woken to feel the same if not a little lower as all the problems weren’t able to be solved in my dreams last night and are still there and I don’t have the energy to try all the self help things my friends have shared on their healing journeys. Instead I just keep replaying this song as it seems to soothe through association, I love how music can do that, much like poetry and art in general, no one thinks about that until they find themselves on the rocks or in love.

That’s all I got, this is my truth, potential self pity party somehow a micron lighter for sharing. Love, me.
#selfportraitureasmedicine #largeformatfilm #artforartssake #shadow #sittinginit

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Date idea? Check out Ross’s vintage photography studio down at The Old Cheese Factory collective 😁

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Ezra Freeman 20.4.26. 8x10 Silver Gelatin contact print from 8x10 @ilfordphoto FP4 Negative.
Yesterday @_ezra_freeman_ asked if today was a good day to take his portrait and within half an hour he was sitting before my 1950’s Deardorff camera as I started explaining the process of large format analogue photography. Two hours later I was scanning the negative and the next morning I was making a prints.
It’s taken me longer than anticipated to complete @halfartstudio as I’ve never done anything like this before, and at times I wasn’t sure if I could and I’m still not sure if I can make a living from this but I’ll never know if I don’t give it a go.
So thanks Ezra for inadvertently showing me my dream of making a studio to produce my own work and share this somewhat antiquated and nearly obsolete form of photography is complete, well, sort of, I’m not sure darkrooms and studios are ever really complete as there’s always some other piece of equipment you find yourself searching market place for to try another old process to make other types of photographic art and that’s fun too.
I’m not sure why the world is in such a hurry to do less and have AI do more but I’m happily going in the opposite direction with @halfartstudio and slowing down to create handmade one off photographs that you can hold in your hand and will last for years and require no digital intervention whatsoever and it makes me really happy doing so and without exception every single person I share this process with loves it too and that brings it all full circle for me.
If you don’t enjoy what you do and it doesn’t bring any joy for anyone else then how are you making this world a better place?
#largeformatfilmphotography #darkroom #silvergelatin #filmportraits #8x10

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