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Howell Zabala

@hzabals

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Quiet, desperate.
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Hello, friends! 🧡 A little reminder for anyone who has ever felt behind in life. Hello, me? And basically, all of us at some point?! It’s been a year since we moved back to the Philippines ~ to a small, sleepy sitio in Zambales where we absolutely knew no one ~ after 18 years in slick, shiny Singapore (where I felt I knew everyone, lol). I can choose to think that things here have been slow-going, inefficient, or even disastrous (and there have been lots of disasters over here in our spot in Zambales), or that our well-thought out plans have completely, hopelessly gone awry. Or I can choose to think that everything is as it should be, that my new life is still unfolding, and my desires/needs, evolving. And that I am, after all, still a work in progress. I chose the latter, of course. Sometimes, the life we thought we were supposed to have makes way for a life we couldn’t have imagined for ourselves. I think my biggest takeaway from this one year in the Philippines, where I came back to a place that was familiar, and yet still felt so utterly lost, is this: We can be grateful for where we are and still be figuring things out. We can miss what we’ve left behind and love what we’re growing into. We can feel uncertain and still trust that we’re moving in the right direction. If you’re in a season of uncertainty, I hope you give yourself a little grace. You are not late. You are not failing. You are allowed to change your mind, begin again, and find happiness in places you never expected. I know, now, that I did. And I know, for sure, that you will too. Thank you all, for being here with me. 🧡
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Sa salamin niya lang nakikita ang sarili niya. Kaya hindi niya lubos malaman kung nagbago ba siya, o di kaya’y ano at gaano kalaki na ang ipinagbago niya. Ang alam niya lang, nagbago ang kasipagan niya’t kaigihan sa pag-aaral sa haba ng panahong lumipas. Sabik na sabik siya noong una at nang mga sumunod na taon, pero nang makitang wala namang pagbabago sa pagtrato sa kanya ng ama, na mas pinipili pang maglaan ng oras sa alagang hayop kaysa kanya, ay unti-unting nawala ang kasipagan ni Dindo. Gayunpaman, hindi pa rin tumigil ang pagdating ng sandamakmak na medalya at sertipikong iginagawad sa kanya kada matatapos na ang taon, mga indikasyon ng kanyang hindi napapawing galing sa eskwela. Hindi na ito maaalis sa kanya. Kaya naman kahit papano, kahit wala namang nagbago’t nagbabago, ay umaasa pa rin siyang makikita siya ng ama. Kahit isang beses lang. ACCESS THE ZINE HERE: https://heyzine.com/flip-book/84842dd4f1.html https://heyzine.com/flip-book/84842dd4f1.html https://heyzine.com/flip-book/84842dd4f1.html #DISAPAT
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𝘿𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙖𝙩 Isang salitang mula sa dalawa: “𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪 𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘵.” Kulang. Hindi malaman kung ano ang sasapat. Pinabilis lang bigkasin, pero pareho pa rin ang bigat. Hindi mabilis makuntento ang tao. Hindi madali. Maraming aspeto’t paraan tungo sa pagkamit. Pero sa bawat pagpapagod, paghahanap, pagpupursige, pagmamakaawa, sa lahat ng pwedeng gawin alang-alang sa kasapatan ng isa, nariyan pa rin ang kawalan ng katiyakan. Kawalan ng dignidad. Kawalan ng tiwala. Hanggang sa kaluluwa’y mawala na rin. Nakakahapo. Nakakasawa. Pero ganyan ang maging malaya. Hahabulin ang gusto, tatanggapin ang kulang pa, maghahanap ng kung anong wala, maghahanda ng darating pa lang kahit hindi pa nakikita. Narito ang mga kwento, mga tula, mga talinghaga’t mga bulong sa kawalan, kung saan imortal man ang lungkot, 𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘣𝘶𝘩𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘢 𝘳𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘨-𝘢𝘴𝘢. Access the zine here: https://heyzine.com/flip-book/84842dd4f1.html https://heyzine.com/flip-book/84842dd4f1.html https://heyzine.com/flip-book/84842dd4f1.html #DISAPAT
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11-27-‘23 backstage and some concert proper pics
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