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A year ago today, I took this picture.
I spent so much of my life waiting for it to conclude. I did things that made me happy and ignored all the things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t think I needed to build myself back up or address anything I’d been through, because I was on a self-induced timer that was always ready to beep—but somehow, I kept finding more seconds.
When I took this picture, I figured it would probably be the last one I ever took. I got on the rail of the bridge, laid there, and tried to doze off. I told myself, “There are two ways this goes: If I roll left, that’s that. But if I roll right and fall onto the sidewalk, I’ll get up and truly start to live.”
Luckily, I didn’t even get to roll the dice. Someone saw me, pulled me off, and I’m grateful for them—whoever they were.
I ended up going through the things people in those situations usually do. That hospital stay was actually so ass—never attempt, guys. It’s tragically unpleasant.
Anyway, this is what me living looks like now. I’m beyond grateful for everyone who surrounded me and helped me through the hardest times of my life. And I can actually say now: I do feel like I’m living. I’ve lost 40 pounds. I’ve made art I’m proud of. I’ve been working hard on me.
I wish it hadn’t come so late. I let myself become someone I hated, and I hurt people in ways that will stick with me forever. To those people: I’m sorry. I only wish I had been the version of myself that I am today. I wish I had done more to be better.
With all that said—sorry if I don’t have a picture of you in this dump. There are so many more people who did so much for me, even if you didn’t know it. But I hope you do, and I’ll try to tell you more.
That’s all.
Love you, Mom. I’m doing good now.
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Merry Christmas 🔥🎄#mybrothers
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