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@malikwithapen
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2025 is the year I found myself at my lowest. One of my best friends, Herliena, passed away at a very young age, and one of the most special relationships I’ve had in my life ended and all of that in the beginning of the year. It doesn’t even really feel like I’ve lived a whole year, because in the first part of it I was grieving so much that I didn’t feel like myself anymore, and it really took me about half a year to feel like myself again. And the year felt fucking endless

At the same time, I started medication that gave me pretty harsh side effects. Only about six weeks later the medication became stable, and I started feeling like the best version of myself. It really felt like the soul I’ve always had inside finally felt safe enough to be shared with everybody, and it made me feel like I was really wanted by everyone and that my ideas and advice were valued.

Spending time with my grandma was also a really big part of my recovery. Now that she’s living closer to me, I’ve been able to spend more time with her, which I loved. Making music and visual art, and spending time with my friends, were some of the only ways I stayed sane, and I really want to thank all of my friends for being there for me when I really needed it; without them I don’t think I would have survived the year.

I also started my minor, which led me to get to know some good people. It was a struggle at first because I didn’t know anyone and it was hard to connect, but as I learned to respect my own time, space, and craft more and more, other people saw what I was capable of, which made me feel like I belong. For one of the first times in my life, I felt like I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone.

Even though the year started, and in many ways remained, really shitty, I somehow managed to climb all the way back up. It became a year of respecting my own time and space more and more, which eventually led to many collaborations with people I didn’t even know at the beginning of the year. They saw my worth, which made me see my worth too, and I feel like I’ve fallen so hard but got up again and again and again and again that I now feel stable enough to follow my own path.
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2025~ I existed therefore I was
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A Love Letter to Angel and Apoqalypse

When I first met you, I never could’ve imagined how much my life would change, how much brighter, freer, and more full of possibility it would become. And all because of you, @angelspiderss.

You invited me to Utrecht Pride, that was the first time we really spent time together. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure you liked me. And you thought I was a biiitch. I was still this insecure little boy, afraid to show the world who I really was.

But somehow, you saw me. You pulled something out of me I didn’t know I even had. You made me feel safe enough to be real. And maybe you didn’t even realize it at the time, but you changed my life forever.

I never would’ve dared to dream that what we started could have become what it is now. From wild house parties at Verbs to a whole chosen family, a community built on love, self-expression, and celebration. Apoqalypse isn’t just a name, it’s a movement. It’s home.

Thank you for showing me what it means to be fearless, to be soft, to be seen. Thank you for letting me help create a world where we can all exist as we are

It was suuuuch a pleasure to work on this amazing party. We didn't know where it was going but we knew that we needed to keep going.
And that's what we did and also how we built this amazing community. 
 It was really suchh an artistic journey to work on all the visuals for the party. It really helped developing my art to a higher level

I love you Angel and I love you @theapoqalypseparty 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Thank you everyone from the House of Sas
@angelspiderss
@avinca_sas
@ronnie.starz
@axeuuhl
@danielpizza_

Thank you to @halloffame013 for giving us these opportunitiesss 
And thank you to everyone else that contributed to it
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