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The very best bridal party ever

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I love my family sooo much

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sadie’s with the best!🩷💛🩵

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Junior Sadie’s! ✌️🥹

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Had to drag hubby to see @staindofficial 🩵

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I think one of the hardest things about surviving an abusive relationship is realizing how long you believed their version of you. The song Patient Zero by Taylor Swift has been sitting heavy with me lately. So has everything surrounding the Cornell 7. Because abuse rarely looks the way people expect it to. I smiled in pictures. I took care of my kids. I functioned. I had good days. I defended him sometimes. And for a long time, I genuinely believed maybe I was the problem. That’s the part people don’t always understand.
When someone spends enough time telling you who you are, eventually their voice becomes your voice. Too difficult. Too emotional. Not enough. The problem. And getting out doesn’t immediately make that voice disappear.
When I decided to compete in the NPC yes, I built my body. I dieted, trained, practiced posing and eventually walked onto a stage in a tiny sparkly bikini and five-inch heels. But what I was really doing was building myself back. I chose something hard that belonged completely to me. I wanted to see what I was capable of. I wanted to trust myself again. I wanted to take up space after spending years learning how to make myself smaller. Competing did that for me. I get sad when I see women telling complicated stories of abuse and everyone immediately starts picking apart the woman. Why did she stay? Why did she go back? Why didn’t she tell someone? Why are there happy pictures? Why did she defend him?
Because survival is messy. You can love someone who hurts you. You can be incredibly strong and still be manipulated. You can smile in pictures taken during some of the worst years of your life. And sometimes it takes getting far enough away to finally realize: I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t impossible to love. I wasn’t the disease.
The woman holding those little girls didn’t know any of that yet. She didn’t know she’d leave. She didn’t know she’d rebuild herself. And she definitely didn’t know she’d someday be brave enough to stand on a stage in five-inch heels and a bikini. But she did. And maybe that’s my favorite part of my story now. He stopped being the most important part of it. #narcissisticabusesurvivor #physicalabusesurvivor

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jr hoco with @holden_sorensen !! best day ever 🥹 #motionatfrontdoor #paintballhurts

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jr hoco with my favorite person & the best group 🤎

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The best summer nails☀️🐚
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#utah #westjordan #nailinspo #nailtech

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FINALLY a week away from graduating hair school!! This post is for all of the amazing people in my life that have gotten me through it all so far. Thank you for supporting me, letting me do your hair, and complain for countless hours. I wouldn’t be where I am today without your belief in me❤️

There’s so many new doors opening soon and I’m so excited for this new chapter of my life and can’t wait to see all of you back in my chair (and many more) I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶🏼

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