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21st! (it was technically yesterday)
.
i will be using this to talk about mental health. the last 365 days of my life have been the biggest emotional struggle that i’ve ever walked through. in the midst of the heartache i’ve felt, ive never felt so much love at the same time. 21 is such a milestone for me, because a younger version of me didn’t imagine making it to becoming an adult. when i turned 18 i felt a similar feeling, though that one was leaning on the support of another person. this one is for me, and i leaned on nobody but the Lord. after every attempt at ending my own life, God did not turn His eye from me. 
this time last year was arguably the worst time of my life, and for me to publicly say i’m doing the best i ever have is so much bigger than words. i’ve walked through what has felt like an ego death, relearning who i am and what i enjoy. most of all, ive learned that people who want your presence will choose your presence. my mistakes previously will never again be a problem to those who are still in my life, and those to come. 
you will never know what will be stripped from you at any given moment, and you need to cherish every part of what you have. not everything that enters your life is meant to stay, and that’s okay! what is supposed to come to you WILL come with time & effort. life isn’t a waiting game, but a time to enjoy the preparation toward the fruit you will bear. almost like going on vacation, sometimes the drive to the location is just as fun as actually getting there. everything is perspective, and learning to choose the “glass half full” perspective has dragged me personally out of a life of torment.
lastly, i want to speak on myself. through time and spending a lot of that time alone, ive begun to learn how to try and be better for myself. learning to regulate emotions, killing my ego, stepping outside of where im comfortable, and discipline has been so important to me. God has molded my heart to strive for what is to come, that i no longer feel worry when i don’t know what comes next.
cheers to me 🍻 if you read this whole thing you’re part of the cause. ❤️.
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