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Love What Matters: Good News

@lovewhatmatters

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Hope. Compassion. Kindness.
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A tree for their mom. A promise from their dad.

Today is our adoption anniversary, our “gotcha day.” This year, we’re planting a willow at our new home in memory of the kids’ mom.

It started during a 5K when my daughter told me willows reminded her of her mom. I told her they reminded me of my childhood. We decided to bring a little of both home.

Our willow began growing somewhere else. As it takes root here, its beginnings will remain part of everything it becomes.

Beneath its branches, we’ll have somewhere to remember her, share good news, or sit quietly when life feels heavy. Somewhere the kids can feel held without having to be strong.

That’s the promise I hear in “gotcha” today:

“I’ve got you. Through the changes, the celebrations, and the days we’re still figuring out.”

I wrote about the story behind this tree and what I hope grows with it. Read it at the link in the comments.

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You never know what kids are absorbing…

until you hear them pour it into someone else. 🥹❤️

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A three year old autistic boy was found in a lake today after an unsuccessful search, and another important young life was lost. I have read the coverage and opinions/judgement through tears this afternoon, so I just wanted to share this story for perspective.

I can remember standing barefoot in the kitchen with my wife, as we gave our daughter a bath in the sink(she was only a few weeks old) while our twins played in the room next to us.

I remember the pang in my gut something wasn’t right. I know I didn’t hear the slider door, but noticed immediately it was opened. In a split second I had to decide if I was running to the fenced in pool far in the back yard, or the driveway in the front that led to the main road-because I knew our worst nightmare was unfolding.

I will never forget the feeling of my feet pounding the pavement as my body pushed itself to a sprint to make it to the end of the driveway where L was standing.

While I had chosen right- I was still running out of time, as we lived on a busy road- yes nearly a 1/2 mile back off it- but direct access to what could have been a tragic situation if he decided to keep going.

While I wrapped my arms around him and picked him up to carry him back to the house, I ran through all the changes I would make (locks, alarms, maybe a gate, etc) while completely blaming myself that it had happened in the first place.

We knew he was a runner, this wasn’t the first time. But adding a baby to our already chaotic life with autistic twin three year olds created a new level of tricky we hadn’t fully adapted to yet.

We weren’t ignoring him, he simply eloped out the back slider and we didn’t see it.

We were attentive parents- helicopter types even- but elopement at that age happens. And for autistic kids who don’t respond to their name, don’t have their words yet, and are experiencing any trouble hearing (which is common), the situation that happened to poor Noah today happens far more than it ever should.

My heart goes out to all who loved Noah.

And while yes, I believe the death of a 3-year-old should enrage you, I also want you to know that not every situation is black and white.

Hug your kids

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As parents we are forced to make so many choices every day - big ones and little ones, and it can feel nearly impossible to know which are the right ones, especially if you are raising kiddos with extra needs like we are.

But the one choice I know was pivotal for our family, was when we stopped measuring our kiddos struggles and success against their peers, and started just being present for their individual journeys.

Around that time we learned what “glimmers” are, and began to see them every where. Yes, we saw the struggles too, but our perspective shifted from only seeing the struggles, to finding the strategies that supported and navigated the struggles, and watched as each kiddo began to navigate independently through it all.

Yes, it took years. And no, it was not inline with their peers. But we are here, on the other side, with three autistic kiddos who are thriving.

Thriving because we celebrate the glimmers- no matter their size.

We believe in capabilities and presume competence.

And we know that each of our kiddos is exactly who this worlds needs them to be, and we are just so lucky to be the parents beside them, here for whatever that journey brings.

Parents face choices every day. Glimmers should be an easy one. ❤️

#parenting #childled #autism #reelitfeelit #mom

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There are so many things I wish I knew then about neurowiring, both my own and others, that could have helped me tremendously during those younger years.

Particularly about why I struggled and couldn’t focus, and how my brain required verbally processing to truly understand something. My body would always tell me with a movement I would shift to control: a foot tap or hair twirl, and instead of listening I would try to hide it. I wish I knew those repetitive movements (however subtle) were telling me my mind was too busy and there were strategies that could help to unjumble my thoughts if I tried them.

Or that friendship - real friendship - would leave me feeling settled, safe and grounded; not that I needed to work overtime to earn my place or inclusion. That I couldn’t trust someone’s words or actions, but should listen to that inner knowing and feeling I had when I wasn’t with them to know if the friendships were real.

And lastly, that I had nothing to apologize for if I wasn’t just being true to myself. And that my self-worth was determined by no one but myself.

Neurodivergent females, particularly those with ADHD and autism, grow up learning how to mask and perform at such a young age, that we master the ability to fit in, despite that we were born to stand out. Luckily the research has evolved, and so many incredible and brave neurodivergent women share their stories so that others can feel seen and less alone.

But girls are still diagnosed far less frequently than their male peers because the testing is designed for male stereotypes, leaving neurodivergent girls to struggle unnecessarily and continue to hide without support.

Here’s hoping this finds someone who needs it. And if so: I see you. You are not alone. Xo

#reelitfeelit #autism #adhd #neurodivergent #mom

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No question- the best parenting decision we ever made post autism diagnosis was to stop parenting the way we had been taught to parent.

Our twins were diagnosed at 18 months when I was pregnant with our daughter, and it was by far the most challenging chapter of parenting we have had to face.

For me personally, I had a really difficult time right after the diagnosis because I believed that it was my fault, or that I had done something wrong. And I was scared out of my mind because I didn’t know anyone raising autistic children, nor was I familiar with how it could look differently that what I thought our parenting journey could look like.

For months I felt like we were trying everything and just kept failing time and time again. And then we decided that everything we were trying to do was from a rule book not written for our children - so we just stopped following those rules. We stopped looking for advice from those who had never walked the path nor lived the experience and we started prioritizing our children, letting them lead and tell us what they needed from us as parents.

I am not saying it was easy.

Honestly, I know they say the terrible threes are the hardest part, but we had a good case of the F-U-4s and it really didn’t feel like we found a rhythm until age 7. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But that decision to stop what we knew wasn’t working for our kids, and to prioritize their needs over any preconceived notions or judgmental expectations from others who weren’t living our every day - was hands down the best thing we could have done; and a true reason why they are thriving.

This is me with one of our autistic kiddos as he kayaks at my favorite place on earth. Yes, I am not far behind because he is learning and it’s a windy day that kept making swimmers into near misses and nearby boats into targets… 🤣 but he is having the time of his life practicing and singing the Moana soundtrack in his head while he paddles, thanking me each time I save him from crashing. And I am trying to not overly helicopter.

This is us. No rule book. Sharing our every day moments. And we are so grateful you are here with us. ❤️ xo

#trending #parenting #mom #

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यह 90s के लगभग 60% लोगो की कहानी है। जो शायद कभी अपने मन की बता ही नहीं सके ।

#firstlove
#90s
#90smusic
#lovestory
#collegeromance

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This is your sign to start a traveling journal with your long distance friends. Somehow that paper will become the glue that binds you. And that inexpensive little book will become the most priceless thing you own.

#longdistancefriendship #longdistancefriends #travelingjournal #bffsforever #iowagirls

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& now he’s the best papa ❤️
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Family , dad , grandparent , summer , August

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What are your thoughts on this case?

#lindsayclancy #lindsayclancytrial #mentalhealth #postpartum #postpartum

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Happy 26th to my son, Ozzie! So proud of the husband you are and the incredible girl dad you are!! I told myself I wasn’t going to make this post about me for your birthday, but the truth is, I can’t celebrate your birth without thanking God for giving you to me and using you to save my life!!!

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For all the things I have done wrong let’s just hope I get that one right.

#mom #parenting #reelitfeelit #love #momlife

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