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Welp! Being on @beastgames was a short but absolute amazing ride that I am so grateful for even when I still struggle to accept what happened. ⚡️ 

A buncha people asked me “where the heck did you go? I saw you and then you were gone!” 
- I dropped my blocks which meant instant disqualification.

My intuition had been screaming at me to put on the bracelet the blocks were tied to. After pulling up the sandbag, I undid the string and it was like those slow motion scenes you see in a movie: the blocks slipped and were falling, action going on all around me and a feeling of complete defeat and disappointment in myself with nothing I could do about my mistake. 

When I think of it now, of COURSE I should have put the bracelet on. The adrenaline, the cameras, the pure excitement, the terror, the sleep deprivation. I was feeling it all and even when typing this, I instantly say to myself, “well, you should be stronger so those things don’t affect you. The other players were just fine.” To that I remind myself: I did my best with where I was at in that moment.

My mind still races with the “what ifs” but I remind myself that there is nothing I can possibly do to change what happened. The games were incredible and I would have loved so much to continue on but using more time with “what ifs” uses time in the ultimate game of Life. 

So from here it’s: what will I choose to focus on? I can keep mourning my loss of an amazing experience or I can focus on how I was so lucky to be chosen out of 400,000 applicants to compete because I’m strong! That’s crazy! The girl who wanted to be as tiny as possible is now someone who was chosen because she’s strong.

All in all, I’m so incredibly grateful to have met the amazing people I did - players, @mrbeast team and crew members. They made the experience incredible and unforgettable. Maybe one day I’ll be able to redeem myself! But until then, I’m going to keep getting stronger and keep trying to shift my focus to all the awesome things I DID get to experience. And to remember the ultimate lesson learned - always listen to your intuition! And keep having fun 🤗🩵

#beastgames #mrbeast #primevideo
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Happy Friendsgiving from Las Vegas! 🦃
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