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Writing Gave Me Something to Care About Again

Content note: This post discusses depression, PTSD, military trauma, and intrusive thoughts related to suicide. Reader discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911. If you are in Canada and need support, call or text 9-8-8 for the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7. If you are in the United States and need support, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Chat support is also available through the 988 Lifeline website. For Canadian Veterans, former RCMP members, family members, and caregivers, the Veterans Affairs Canada Assistance Service is available 24/7 at 1-800-268-7708. For U.S. Veterans and their loved ones, contact the Veterans Crisis Line by dialing 988 and pressing 1, or text 838255.

There are days that I wish I was vapourized by an IED (Improvised Explosive Device) strike in Afghanistan. But most days I’m just sad, anxious and depressed. I feel worthless and dread waking up in the morning. I feel most comfortable alone and in the quiet with only the high-pitched squeal of tinnitus to keep me company. Like most veterans I’ve thought about ending it all. But, it’s an only ever an intrusive thought when the depression and anxiety overwhelm you. There haven’t been any plans. Just a sort of casual “I don’t care anymore.” A long-term solution to a short-term problem.

And that’s just it. For the most part I find it hard to care about anything. I wake up most days and go through the motions of life like a good soldier would. I do what I think I have to do to satisfy the concept of life. I’ve lost most of my passion for life and don’t really enjoy what I used to like videogames, socializing, experiencing new things etc. I’ve been attending therapy pretty much weekly since 2021. I really don’t feel any better about myself and life. But it’s helped enough that I can function. I can be a husband and father. But I still don’t like the person I have become since returning home.

To read the full post click on the link in our story.

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Proof has arrived! 👽🛸

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Pre orders are LIVE! Reserve your copies today! https://pandamoniumpublishing.com/product/hostile-frontier/

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This is absolutely epic! Look at this cover! 👀Coming soon by Robert Ellison, Hostile Frontier @dante_thickson preorders will be available shortly to reserve your copies 👽

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