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Taller than u. MA @youthmodels @youthmilano.
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playing the part of the wandering white rabbit in @goth.pop 's court ♦️🐇♥️
34
15.06.26
from the far I hear „It’s not meant to be a struggle… you are trying too hard, surrender“, as I am standing next to the entrance of the runway, watching my first ever collection walking down.
„that’s it? that’s what I did all this for?“ 
was what I actually heard. 
I saw how Gabi (my model) in the purple kimono almost lost her headpiece cause I didn’t secure it enough. 
I thought that the walking instructions I told my models didn’t communicate well to the audience. 
I felt the presence of all the errors of the past view hours- dresses& skirts that where too long for the models to walk in, how Romy (another one of my models) wasn’t able to see the runway as she was wearing the hunched-back-piece, how the sculptural/cloudy piece Jasmine wore, was too complicated to move with on a runway. 
I didn’t see lots of people filming, 
I didn’t hear lots of applause. 
In the background my soundtrack „It’s not meant to be a strife, it’s not meant to be a struggle uphill, you’re trying too hard, surrender, give yourself in“. 
and in my head „that’s what I did all of this for?“
AAALL that work, the endless hours in the studio, 
all the love and surrender I poured into this collection, 
all the reflection about myself, my way of working & the emotions accompanying the process, 
the numbing pressure and fear of not being & doing enough.
All the parts of myself, I got to know and learned to accept,
all the energy by body offered me to get here.
When I think of my collection, I see how I learned to hold myself with all my parts, all my emotions, my potential and my flaws.
I really stopped trying too hard, I really did surrender. 
And this collection became a witness of all that, 
of me learning to create purely from a place of love towards me, the people around me, nature, the world. 
Yet I am standing here and while Björk tells me „it’s not meant to be a strife“, 
I don’t see it.

now I wish I wouldn’t have been so occupied with doubting my work, cause I could have enjoyed more what I see now when I look at the photos and videos. 

especially how beautifully my fabulous models embodied my garments and emotions. 
wow you did such an incredible job, thank you for all your
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